For the 'nice guys'...

[phil1981UK]

Hey fellas,

 

If your a nice guy and getting nowhere with the chicks, check this out, its a good insight into where your going wrong. I fully expect women to pour scorn on this and harp on about how they want a nice guy, but hey, you can make up your own mind from reading this and from your personal experince eh!

 

arches.uga.edu/~adrianmc/nice.html

[porkshop]

i think my ex must have read that, he went from the exact nice guy that was portrayed there to a very uncaring person.his loss though. i liked the nice guy he was before. I wouldnt walk over a guy thinking he wasnt equal just coz he was romantic and Nice, i think most women would appreciate a Nice guy. I found that article funny, with some sad truth to it though. Interestiing read, guess the guy who wrote it resents that he must have been a door mat before.

[Blue_Soul]

Wayner,

 

Way to bag our balls! Most of that article is bunk. Yeah, there is some truth to it. For instance, an extremely insecure person can be very unattractive...no one likes being with someone who's constantly wallowing in self-pity. But no one is going to convince me that girls don't like for a guy to be in touch with his (and others) feelings. There's a balance in there somewhere that works quite well from my experience.

 

F--- that article!!!!

[phil1981UK]

Like I said girls: 'I fully expect women to pour scorn on this and harp on about how they want a nice guy'

 

For 90% of women at least 70% of what is in that article applies, if you truly know yourselves then you'd know its true, if you think its crap then maybe you need to more honest with yourselves.

 

Goodnight Vegas, drive home safely.

[porkshop]

i agreed there are some sad truths in there.

[porkshop]

do u not think it applies to girls that r too nice too though?

[phil1981UK]

I believe it does apply to girls in the same way, maybe not quite to the same degree because of the social position of a man compared to a woman, i.e in general men normally approach and ask out women and not visa versa, so the importance of some of the points are watered down for girls I think.

[OmegaMan]

Whoa

 

This has been discussed to the bone before but it's always nice to have a new article on the subject. Here's what I believe:

 

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys ™ are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him.

 

And most people don't like insecure people. This goes for men towards women too, only it's not as pronounced I believe.

 

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things.( It hurts, but so, so, true) They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date". (Oh, my God, Someone take the dagger out of my heart. Just cuts too close. In essense, quietly settling for second best.)

 

That's funny, because it's true.

 

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. (hmm, treating the woman like a queen before she proves her worth.) Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

 

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else.(GOD that hurts) A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

 

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.( This was not me)

 

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

 

Nah, I certainly don't relate to that, it's too much.

 

It's basically boils down to the same old thing, self-esteem, it's as simple as that. For more information on this topic, check out this wonderful thread:

link removed

[real amour]

Hello all. Yes, that article is very good. It really hit home with the helper part, where you feel you pick neurotic or incomplete or lacking individuals and somehow you will complete them. I feel that in the past I have been that (the nice girl) and actually I married a nice guy. This is why we are having trouble. I felt sorry for him since he had invested so much in us (mostly to get together when I was in need) so I left a ft job/car/apt. (and yes maybe a man) to be with him. I regret it big time though he is a wonderful person, I feel we were not at our best when we got together.

 

In the past, I too had hung around guys being friends, hoping they would ask me out. Bull. I created a lot of hurt for myself. These men (like 5 mostly between 18-25) were a big waste of time and I was very emotionally invested as friends, but ended up fooling around with other types. Go figure. Being a nice girl is also possible, but honestly, the stupidest thing.

 

You have to stake your territory, say what you want or scream out loud what you do want. Do not pick a puppy for crying out loud and do not be a puppy either. There is only one mother teresa and she gives unconditional love as a child does, adult humans do and should not if they have any self-respect. Hard lessons to learn as I decipher my own situation. Thanks.

[sisterlynch]

I still like nice guys most of the time. Only about 2% of the time do I care to be abused and then I need a nice guy to help with the wounds.

 

There are also selfish women in relationships too. It takes all kinds to make the world go round!!

[So_confused]

I agree with about 50-60% of what the article says. It is possible to be a nice guy without being so insecure and needy. It's called morals.

[sisterlynch]

I went back to the article and reread it and I think that those guys are angry not "nice"--they are guys who have been used and not accepted by others, that is why they wrote that article, to get back at all the women who have "used" them to get ahead, and never been told thank you.

 

If you are truly nice, then you don't use it to compete! that is illogical, you are nice because that is the way that you have been treated in the past, and that is how you get others to like you and pay attention to you.

 

If some women pay attention to the guys who wrote that because they are loud, obnoxious and paranoid then they are asking for what they are getting, pathetic, poor behavior--did you all see where they put that sex could become boring in 10 days? then they aren't seeing the right kind of women! Only narcisisstic, read "beautiful" women, go bad in less than 10 days, if that is what they are after then that is what you get.

 

There is a "movement" called "do me feminism" in which women pretend to have the same emotions as men to get ahead. They treat others poorly because, I believe they watched their own mothers be used by men, and then turned the tables on the men and started to use their sexuality as a pawn!

 

if this is what people want, then they normally get it.

[surfdog]

Interesting article...

All you need is confidence...it goes a long way. You can be nice and confident and not come accross as an ass and still get ahead.

[Xen_Antares]

I dont really agree with the article, and I see myself as a nice guy. I look at my past relationship, I wasn't clingy with my ex gf, I had to call her atleast once a day but that was her rule not mine. I didnt call her one day and was put in the dog house for it.

 

I dont know maybe thats most so called nice guys but it doesnt fit me, I believe I did things right there were several problems with my past girl friends (I had 3). One cheated on me after a month of dating, that wasnt my fault, the second got cold feet when things started to heat up and backed down, she was a teenager then and I believe she got scared. The last and the one I loved the most had many many factors to why it failed. First she was in college, her 3d year of nursing school, second between her school and our work schedules it made finding time to be together difficult, third her momma didnt like me much, this really put a hurting on things.

 

Yes I did somethings in the article, I did buy her flowers or gifts, usually not to expensive under $20, but I did it for the heck of it. Just to surprise her. I used to go to where she worked put a dozen roses on her car, and park to where she couldnt see me and wait for her to come out and get her flowers Yes she was my happiness, she wasnt my sole source of happiness, but when with her I was at my happiest.

 

I guess what Im getting at is Nice Guys do finish last and its not always their fault. Ive had three relationships that have failed, did I have a hand in their failure, Im sure of it, but is it all my fault as the article is suggesting (because I am a nice guy after all)? Nope.

 

Now since me and my ex have broke up I have discovered I sabotaged some potential relationships due to me being stupid, and in alot of cases the article comes into play for me. But once I got the girl, then I am 007 I am the pinnacle of confidence then, however after I get dumped quite the opposite is true

[routerx]

There is some truth to that. But, that isn't really surprising is it?

 

If a PERSON doesn't respect themselves... well.. that's about all that needs to be said.

[RaiDeRz]

Well, the article has some truth to it. I think the title itself "Nice Guys Finish Last" isn't really true. You see, like since 10th-11th grade(im in 12th now) I would use that phrase over and over again. I use to say "Nice guys finish last" all the time. I was once one of those guys who was going for those "Heartless bitches" as the article puts it. I went for the girls who ingored me, treated me like shit and walked all over me. But yet I kept crawling back to them, or however you want to put it. I was always the one that was there for them, the one who listened to them bitch and complain about the guys who were treating them like shit, better known as the "Assholes". I was the guy who just wanted a chance and would do anything to get one, but never did get one. I tell you it hurt a lot to get treated like shit and everything. But things got better... over the summer I started hanging out with a girl named Melissa. We didn't know eachother that well. We knew eachother a little bit when I was in 11th, but we didn't talk too much in school. Just a quick hi or whatever. But over the summer we started to talk online a little more and a couple times we met up with our friends and just hung out. Every time that we did hang out, I started to like her a little more each time. It really didn't hit me until we went to a fair thing that is held every year. We went there and met up with a bunch of friends and just hung out. But later on that day all of our friends left and her and I were the only ones left and we got to talk a little and hang out together alone. It was only for about 20-30 minutes but it was enough to get me to really start to like her. She had already admitted to me like 2 weeks before the fair that she liked me a little. After the fireworks there that night I got online and we talked. I ended up asking her out and she said yes. That was July 27th. So we have been going out for a little over 3 months now. I tell you it has been an amazing 3 months with her(3 months 6 days to be exact) I think she is perfect in everyway. She is pretty, smart, funny, nice and just everything. She is emotionally stable unlike all the other girls I liked. I love her with all my heart. The funny thing is, here I am happy as ever with her, and the girls that I use to like are getting treated like shit from the "Assholes" and here I am happy. My girlfriend also says that I always keep her happy and everything, so its the other girls that are missing out. So it sucks to be them!!! So a little advice to the nice guys out there.. that special someone is out there!! I found mine, it took some time but it was worth it! Don't give up and keep looking!!

[JSHRN]

Just read the article and felt personally attacked then realized most of it is BS!

 

Been dating a woman for 4 months (she asked me out and made the first move). At the time, my wall was up and I wasn't letting it down. Gradually, I let my guard down and leyt our relationship grow. She always said I was different and not a "typical male" and found it hard to believe I wasn't married. Now, after 4 months we have little contact and haven't been intimate in 2 months. Have I been nice to her? Absolutely. Do I love her? Yes. Do I worship her? No. But I have treated her nice because that's what I've always done. I'm not always available because I have my own life to live. But the time we've spent together I've been the romantic type. She's pulled away emotionally lately so I've been confused and may have come accross as clingy but what the heck happened. Her friends have said (and not to boost my ego) that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her. Too bad she doesn't realize that now.