porkshop

I was around about 11 or 12.

thanks for the advice it really has helped to put things into perspective and hear it from an outside point of view. Im pretty sure in myself that i should cut ties with my exboyfriend and concentrate my energy on my current relationship, it just seems the best thing to do for everyone. Im going to take a little longer to think about it but Ive been thinking if im really meant to be with my ex then its certainly not the right time for us now, but its going to be hard to cut contact with him and not be thinking about 'what if.' I just hope me and my boyfriend can be truly happy as we were before, if we are then i'll know i've made the right choice.thanks

ok just to give you some idea of the time scale. im 21, me and my ex were going out for about 7months (but we knew each other longer) then he wanted space to sort his problems out so i gave him about a months or so, i cant remember exactly how long and then i ended it because i felt i should be told what the problems he had were, then i changed my mind and wanted to wait for him because i realised they really were serious problems he had and that he felt he didnt want to hurt me by involving me in them, he wanted to sort them out himself. But by then the damage was done and id hurt him by giving up, and hed hurt me by not telling me what was wrong, so he said that i should leave it. We didnt have much contact apart from i called him to see if he was ok and if things were sorting themselves out, now and again, for a while and he told me he still loved me everytime we spoke and he text me. The next time we spoke was after i had heard hed been in hospital and at first his friends told me it was because of something wrong with his liver, but then when he came out we spoke on the phone and he told me hed tried to commit suicide. I was devasted and wanted to be there for him but he said he still hadnt worked through his problems and he needed to work through them alone, so again after alot of trying to get him to open up to me, i tried to give him space and contact dwindled out altogether. But then a couple of months later i met my current boyfriend, (when i really wasnt looking for a relationship but it just happened) and I had no contact with my ex up until around a month ago and iv been with my current boyfriend abour 9 months (things with my current boyfriend went really quickly). Im very career minded and driven and me and my current boyfriend have alot of the same things, that me and my ex dont have in common. We have lovely days out, to historical buildings, we go to the theatre,galleries, ice skating, we love films, theme parks,reading, we have the same favourite restaurants and the list is endless, basically get on together perfectly well most of the time and have shared alot, we love each other's family and are looking for a house and most of me is looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him....but theres this huge but.... me and my ex boyfriend have such a connection that i cant explain and its not just lust, he makes me smile from just one look and gives me butterflies if hes nearby, the way he looks at me melts me, when he tells me he loves me its as though i can feel it, whereas with my boyfriend he tells me and i dont feel he does. My boyfriend has really wonderful career prospects whereas my ex although hes doing well its not quite the same level of success, but i dont think money matters. i saw my ex boyfriend lastnight again (my bestfriend lives in a little village, where i aslo used to live and i still live very near to, and my ex lives and works there too) and i know it might as well be outright cheating if im having these feelings but i really dont know which one i should be with because i cant stop my feelings for either of them. My bestfriend's advice was to go out with both but as iv said me and my boyfriend have enough strain on us as it is, it doesnt need me cheating, i feel like im sabotaging a wonderful relationship and going to hurt a really wonderful guy. hes not moving out of the country necessarily, hes not sure yet because hes in the forces but there are no bases very near to me so i know it will be somewhere not near me, but then again he lives fairly far away now and he makes the effort to see me so although im worried about it, i think if i stay with him we can definitely sort something out, thats why we've been looking at moving in together then i can work wherever he moves to and once i make a true decision i'll put my everything into it. i just cant decide.I still really dont know whats best.

I hadnt thought about him possibily wanting to get back together with his exgirlfriend that much, i just believed him when he said it wasnt about her because he seemed to really dislike her when we were together and since she has tried to get back together with him and he's rejected her (i know this from a very close friend) so i dont think that it was ever about his ex. He tells me he couldnt talk to anyone and i know he didnt even tell his parents and hes had help since to work on opening up to people. He's really believeable and iv seen him since and we've talked and everytime i just want to be with him so much, but i know i cant because i cant leave my boyfriend, and because of the past proving we weren't strong enough. i really have strong feelings for my ex though, whenever i see him i get butterflies and i dont get that with my boyfriend, although i do love him. Since my boyfriend got back hes been his usual sweet self, with flowers, a romatic meal, chocolates, perfume ect but he's started to put me down in the smallest of ways, and he subtly makes plans for both of us when he knows i have plans already, its as though he doesnt want me to be myself and have friends anymore. I can feel me and my boyfriend drifting apart hes going travelling again and he's going to have to move away for years soon because of his job, and if i moved with him id have to leave my friends and family. Things just seem to be getting so hard for us to stay together. I know i should cut contact with my ex but we live in the same area and have mutual friends and its really hard to cut ties. Im getting even more confused about the whole situation and i love both of them i dont want to hurt either of them. i Just cant seem to cut contact with my ex i tried to last week, but i just cant seem to let go of the feelings i have for him.

Ok, to cut a long story really short, i was in love with a guy i'd been going out with for 7months and then he had personal problems, we broke because he needed time to sort his situation out but i didnt stay waiting because he couldn't open up to me about what they were. Along time later he's explained everything (his ex girlfriend had had a baby that may have been his at the time he was with me and he'd felt even though he hadnt cheated he'd let me down, she wouldnt let him have anything to do with the child and he had got so depressed and felt he couldnt tell anyone he tried to commit suicide) he's had help since to help him open up to people he's close to and i now understand and wish id waited for him. But i didnt, i moved on and fell for my current boyfriend who i spent along time very happy with and have even planned a future with, the whole lot moving in, getting engaged, married, kids everything and i would have still been very certain of everything had my ex not told me everything now. I know my boyfriend would make me very happy for the rest of my life, but he works away alot and has recenlty been on the other side of the planet,and in the time hes been away i grew to know my ex again, coincidentily he chose now to tell me he still loves me and exlpained everything, and i really fell for him all over again. By boyfriend is due home tomorrow and i dont know what to do i am so confused. what should i do?

thanks for that, what you said about emotions just being one part of the equation said it all for me. i shouldnt let these feelings ruin everything i guess, i need to look at the big picture. i havent really considered leaving my boyfriend so i guess i've always known what to do, its just so hard. My boyfriend knows about my ex and he knows i've spoken to him and that he wants us to get back together (he just doesnt know the where,and when) and i told him there were still some feelings there and we got through it so i guess we are pretty strong.thanks again.

My situation is that, i love my boyfriend so very much, i feel like he's the other half of me. We are saving to move in together and talk about getting married. But a couple of weeks ago i had contact with my ex boyfriend, we had ended very suddenly and not had contact since. He'd had some serious personal problems and felt he couldnt talk to anyone, he didnt even speak to any of his family about it. I didnt realise just how serious these problems were at the time, but i knew it was a big issue because we had been so close and in love one minute then he broke off all contact the next. When he had asked for time to sort himself out i waited a couple of months and decided i couldnt live with not knowing what was wrong and feeling like he didnt want to be with me and i moved on to being single. Since then he tried to commit suicide because of these problems, this was a long time ago. When i found out i was devastated and tried to contact him a couple of times and we spoke and he told me he still loved me but he said he still had stuff to sort out. I resigned myself to the fact that he didnt want to be with me although it was incredibly hard and i moved on and eventually met my boyfriend who has been absolutely wonderful to me since first sight. A couple of weeks ago though me and my ex had contact with each other. We got talking and he asked if we could meet so he could explain everything to me. curiosity to know what had happened back then took over me and i went, although i feel terrible about meeting him without me boyfriend knowing. He explained everything about this problem he had and how he couldnt have told anyone because he felt he'd let everyone down. i'll not go into the problems but i can totally understand him feeling so down and wanting to sort out on his own. The thing is, he's told me he still loves me and he wants us to be together although he said he'll accept it if i stay with my boyfriend because he just wants me to be happy. I do still have really strong feelings for him, he's an amazing person who helped me through alot while we were together and id been happy for a long time with him. On one side i have my boyfriend who has a good stable career with brilliant prospects which is something i admire because its a strong goal of mine also, we have lots in common and share the same interests, we love each other's family and friends and generally everyone always tells us we make a lovely couple and i do feel he's right for me. On the other hand there is my ex who makes my knees go weak and gives me butterflies to even see him, he always makes me feel like im walking on a cloud and he makes me feel so loved just by the way he looks at me, also, when we were together before this problem we were really close and he'd have done anything for me. You'd think it would be nice having two really wonderful people telling you they love you but its aweful. i dont want to leave my boyfriend because i do love him so much, he's right for me and i could imagine us making each other happy for the rest of our lives, also i could never hurt him like that but these feelings for my ex are going to be so hard to control. any advice would be great.

"I soon after was told that we should "just be friends" and he no longer was feeling the feelings for me he had going. he said he just doesn't see us ever working out in the long run and being happy." i totally agree. What more does he need to say to you, he's using you and you deserve better. this guy has a nerve to not only dump you but play around with you feelings and string you along to have sex with you and feed his ego, but this is partly up to you for letting him. If he really cared about you he'd want you to be together or as a friend he'd respect you and not have sex with you when he knows its not just about sex for you and that you have feelings for him. if he doesnt know this, from you pretending to not care, then he's got his cake and eating it still, a friend who wants to have sex with him, he's not going to want a commitment of a relationship if he has that already.Yeh i do think a guy will drive 8 hours to have sex. you really should not meet up with this guy, you can do so much better, believe me i've been treat in a similar way in the past by an ex boyfriend. Sorry to sound so harsh but i really think from what you've said you'd feel so much better to get this guy out of your life and find someone who really appreciates you.

I hope so too good luck!

i'd give him some time i know you must feel insecure about where you stand with him right now. But, from what you've said, it doesnt seem like you'd be happy to throw away what you've got with him, telling him how you felt was hard for you and so you wouldnt have done it if you didnt feel strongly for him. He's told you that moving away "has made him realise how much you mean to him and that he cant wait to see you so" so i think in his mind he's still very much in this relationship and cares for you. Give him a little time, he might not be good at expressing what he feels, and if that's true, wont it feel all the more special when he does finally tell you because you'll know he means it and that, like when u told him, it took a lot for him to do that. hope this helps.

well this is an update to my post "holiday fling or love of my life." I found out why he didnt travel to see me (for anyone who didnt read it, i kept in touch with a guy i met on holiday even though we were in relationships with other people and live hours apart. We have kept in touch for over 2years and when we got out of the relationships i travelled down so see him again and we fell for each other all over again, it was amazing and he felt the same. He said he'd come and visit me a few weeks later but didnt show up.) Well i didnt ring him and he eventually rang me saying he hadnt came because of a very good reason, that his ex girlfriend he'd left because he said he'd realised he still loved me, had told him she is pregnant. He told me he doesnt want her and he wants to be with me and we had a chat and he said he'd not let me down again and we discussed a long distance relationship and he said he wants that and kept asking what are we going to do? He was saying he can see us getting married in the future,as he always tells me, and he wants me to move down there eventually or he would come up here and be with me. He said he wanted to talk more and he'd come up the weekend after next because i'm busy this weekend and he'd call me today. By the way I do feel terrible for his ex but no matter what i say he wont take her back and he doesnt want the baby but will act responsibly. He hasnt called today and i just dont know whether to give up on him. I feel like he's my soul mate and I love him and my friends all tell me that when they saw me and him together they thought he was the guy for me for life, but i feel i'm being too soft on him just because he's so far away and we cant kiss and make up if we fall out. Im so disappointed, i do believe he feels as strongly as i do but im not sure i should put up with this?

Im not that worried i'll just ask him when he's back.just wondered if anyone knew really

does anyone know what flucloxacillin capsules are medication for? They are my boyfriend's and i was curious what they are used to treat because he hasnt mentioned being ill. i know its antibiotics but what would this type be used to treat in particular?any ideas? I would just ask him but he's working away right now.

im not a doctor or anything but I was told by a doctor from experience, if you take antibiotics they do effect the contraceptive pill. Not sure if thats all types of antibiotics effecting all types of the pill but i would play it safe anyway and use other protection as well.

go on send the card. I had the same feelings the other week about an ex because it was his brithday and i was thinking about what he would think and getting worried about it. I thought may be he'll think im not over him because i remembered,when infact it was one of his friends that i bumped into that reminded me. Well i did send a birthday message simply saying happy birthday and all my love and he sent sent me a text saying simply thank you. The next time i saw him i got a big smile and i think its because you're right people in your past are important. If you really think you'll get hurt, upset her, or stir up the past i would think twice, but if u just want to say, hi hope u enjoy your birthday in a friendly way, id say go for it. Everyone loves knowing people are thinking of them on their brithday.

im so confused i wish i had a crystal ball

Im far too embarrassed to call him, I cant remember just how horrible that msg was i sent. I want to know how he feels though. If he'd came up i would have talked to him about us and i'd know now where we r with things and whether to call or not but he didnt n iv made things worse. U said to ring should i be calling upset that he didnt get in touch, or apologising for me over reacting or both? This is an example of what he's like and why so im confused. we both said to begin with we live too far away and were seeing other people at first but when i went to see him when i left i said i had a lot of feelings for him and that i knew it was silly with us being so far apart and his reply was" havent you heard of love at first sight". Then he txt talkin about a weddin and invited me saying i should see i cud catch the bouquet, i said why n he said, he'd marry me tomorrow. He's said he misses me alot and i've implied i wanted to be more than friends by sayin i want to be ur girl and he always replies u r my girl and tells me he hasnt went out with other girls since i saw him. Im thinking now though that he led me on n i should leave him be.

do u not think it applies to girls that r too nice too though?

i agreed there are some sad truths in there.

thanks for the advice in my post "holiday fing or love of my life" it put things in perspective and i thought id go for it. This is the update though, he didnt travel so see me when i expected and didnt even return my call to say whether he was or wasnt He had been on holiday a few days b4 i was expecting him to come, so we hadnt kept in touch as much as usual but had spoke and things were fine. I was upset he didnt say whether he was coming to visit me but i left it for a while then txt him to remind him and ask him and he didnt even reply. I didnt respond till a few days later when i unfortunately got drunk with my friends and sent him an aweful txt sayin he obviously didnt care and had lead me on to believe he did and bla bla bla which i admit wasnt the best of things to do Which he didnt reply to. I havent heard from him since and i feel aweful about it because we've been close for so long. He had also said he'd been in a fight on his holidays and had broke his hand so thinkin back now, he may not have even been able to drive here. I was just so hurt he had not said either way that i let it all out. My friends have said its a good thing because now he knows how i feel and he would have called if he cared too, and they still think he'll give me call. But even if he doesnt want to be in a relationship, this guy has been my friend for over 2years and i've lost him as a friend now . I cant decide whether 2get in touch with him or not. im embarrassed about being aweful, i've never been angry with him b4, but i think my friends r right in that he would have called me if he even cared about our friendship. Then again he might have not been able to get here n not wanted to hurt me and tell me hed let me down again, or have felt the pressure from me and just wanted to be friends. It will be easy for me to move on if i tell myself he just didnt care and if i call him i will never know if he would have got in touch with me and cares about our friendship. Then again i did let my feelings get the better of me,cutting my nose off despite my face, and we did get on soooo well in every sense, it would be such a shame to leave things as they are. Your advice made alot of sense and helped b4 so i thought id ask what uz thought? thanx again

football hhmmm could get him a season ticket if ur feeling flush . new strip, video of greatest goals for whoever he supports or a simple football. Watch the match and surprise him with your football knowledge, even if your not a fan it would give him a giggle if u get facts wrong. U could have your name on the back of the shirt instead of a players name..but only u know if he'd think that was sweet or insane. little things are hard to think ov.. a compilation tape of favourite songs or with your voice on but its so cliche bet you've already thought of that one. I'm bound to think of something later when i stop rackin my brain if i think of a good one i'll get back to ya. With him being so far away u could send him a dvd with your letter sayin u though he could watch with u that night n u hav a copy(out the video shop) n giv him a call n watch it together, or is that too sad? erm could send him something reminding him of how you met or what you've done together with plenty of photo's. Keep him laughin sending him some jokes or silly emails. could have a message put out on his local radio station(done that one b4 and it went down well), or on things like MTV when they have txts on the screen or in a magazine. Im out of ideas for now i see why ur askin for ideas its hard to think of little things

i think my ex must have read that, he went from the exact nice guy that was portrayed there to a very uncaring person.his loss though. i liked the nice guy he was before. I wouldnt walk over a guy thinking he wasnt equal just coz he was romantic and Nice, i think most women would appreciate a Nice guy. I found that article funny, with some sad truth to it though. Interestiing read, guess the guy who wrote it resents that he must have been a door mat before.

I got a guy one of those tiny remote control cars as a little gift to go with his christmas present last year and he totally ignored the big gift and spent all day messing on with the toy car. so thats an idea n it must b good for any age coz this guy wasnt young . But he's my ex now n small things please small minds.. Another winner one year was a calendar of caprice which was his favourite model. This guy also liked pranks so i got him silly things like.. a willy weight which was really a shampoo container in the shape of a dumbell, and he got a giant condom from a jokeshop which he found amusing. They have silly things in anne summers like a book of cheques with different sexual favours on them u write out to your lover... my friend got on of them for her bloke last valentines day. Or again if its for your bf surprise sexy undies. Depends how much u want to spend really..hmm, I also got him a day on a race track driving a rally car n he loved that too, so if he likes cars thats another winner and when i went along with him they give me ago too which was fun. Is he into any sports or particular interests? could get him a gadget, or if u want to splash out a playstation or new game if he already has one. If he's romantic go on a mini break somewhere..or really romantic go to Paris or his favourite place abroad, or could go to see an exciting sight something like the northern lights u can say you've experienced together. Again if he'd like that sort of thing get him a teddy. Another present that went down well once was a giant cookie with a personalised message on it in chocolate,although i ended uo eating alot of it . Or a chain or ring again u could have a message put on it to make it more personal.ok getting out of ideas now

mayb she was really being honest and she just needed a little time. 2 or 3 months might have been all she needed and she probably really appreciated you respecting her needs and still being friendly, i think it looks hopeful All you can do is wait i suppose and see what gradually progresses if anything.it must have been hard backing off in the first place my boyfriend needed space a while back and i didnt give him it and now he's my ex . i'd say be patient and enjoy that she obviously still cares for u and be friends but be waery that she still may feel the same and not want to get back together, if you bare that in mind u wont get let down. It does look hopeful though, fingers crossed.good luck

thanks for the advice it put things in perspective and i thought id go for it. This is the update though, he didnt travel so see me when i expected and didnt even return my call to say whether he was or wasnt He had been on holiday a few days b4 i was expecting him to come, so we hadnt kept in touch as much as usual but had spoke and things were fine. I was upset he didnt say whether he was coming to visit me but i left it for a while then txt him to remind him and ask him and he didnt even reply. I didnt respond till a few days later when i unfortunately got drunk with my friends and sent him an aweful txt sayin he obviously didnt care and had lead me on to believe he did and bla bla bla which i admit wasnt the best of things to do Which he didnt reply to. I havent heard from him since and i feel aweful about it because we've been close for so long. He had also said he'd been in a fight on his holidays and had broke his hand so thinkin back now, he may not have even been able to drive here. I was just so hurt he had not said either way that i let it all out. My friends have said its a good thing because now he knows how i feel and he would have called if he cared too, and they still think he'll give me call. But even if he doesnt want to be in a relationship, this guy has been my friend for over 2years and i've lost him as a friend now . I cant decide whether 2get in touch with him or not. im embarrassed about being aweful, i've never been angry with him b4, but i think my friends r right in that he would have called me if he even cared about our friendship. Then again he might have not been able to get here n not wanted to hurt me and tell me hed let me down again, or have felt the pressure from me and just wanted to be friends. It will be easy for me to move on if i tell myself he just didnt care and if i call him i will never know if he would have got in touch with me and cares about our friendship. Then again i did let my feelings get the better of me,cutting my nose off despite my face, and we did get on soooo well in every sense, it would be such a shame to leave things as they are. Your advice made alot of sense and helped b4 so i thought id ask what uz thought? thanx again