holding on

[CynicalGuitarist]

is tough, especially when the ego suffers an enormous blow. I just heard my own voice recorded (god awful cover of The Girl From Ipanema) ... and oh lord... it's the most god-awful sound I've ever heard in my entire life. It really is tough, when you're worst at what you do best (don't get me wrong, I am not a Nirvana fan). Especially because I have such big dreams. They're all I think about when I'm joking the spatula of customer service making minimum wage, dealing with every backword-ass customer who won't bother reading the menu and gorgeous women who know I'm nothing more than a lousy pizza boy, and I want more outta myself. I wanna be able to make art... I wanna sing my heart out... I wanna, yknow, be something more than that slacker loser in school. But it seems like that dream is nothing but a sewing needle in a haystack. It really is tough. Having to look truth in the face. Knowing you can do better, and when you prove it, you can't. Having to realize I'm nothing, and will be nothing more than some weirdo behind a computer. But I can't let go... this dream of mine is all I've got... without it, I'm dead. I'd be dead because then I couldn't even kill myself with dignity. I'd be another drone... another veal for the avatuar. Oh well, at least I'm not gonna hide behind this failure of music that I have butchered...

 

my mother has been so great to me... she always lies to me and tells me that I'm great and even at age four could hold a note better than any other kid she knew... but now I know she was lying to me... she was lying just to try and make me feel better about myself. But I'm too old for that. don't lie... for Chrissake.. DONT LIE! 'cause that's all I hear everyday. Lies. I'm tired of it all. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want to live in my dream world, because that's the only place I feel welcome, accepted, creative, and successful. I can push the limits of physics and do things physics and science won't allow on this planet. But I'm stuck being that useless piece of crap on planet earth... with a bad voice... at that.

 

Screw it all... I wanna smoke a big, fat blunt and drown my problems in pot smoke.

[gstylez07]

dude, so your not that good a singer.. so many people have had to face that. At least you didnt make a fool of yourself on American Idol. Theres plenty of other attainable dreams in your future, you werent meant to sing and thats ok... i wish i could sing.. but with my voice it would be a joke. Your still young and you have time to find more of your passions. Stay strong, you will fulfill other dreams..

[CynicalGuitarist]

dude, so your not that good a singer.. so many people have had to face that. At least you didnt make a fool of yourself on American Idol. Theres plenty of other attainable dreams in your future, you werent meant to sing and thats ok... i wish i could sing.. but with my voice it would be a joke. Your still young and you have time to find more of your passions. Stay strong, you will fulfill other dreams..

 

No, it isn't ok. There are no more attainable dreams for me. You don't understand at all. I can't do anything right, or even reasonably decent, and am doomed to be a mediocre middle-class drone. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. Without singing, I'm nothing. Thus, I'm insignificant to the point I can't even kill myself with dignity.

 

Worst feeling in the world... guranteed.

[gstylez07]

now thats the attitude of a loser... keep telling yourself that, your only further manifesting it into reality dude. You have an extremely negative attitude towrds yourself and your abilities.. it will begin to show within your lifes circumstances unless you decide to do something about it.

 

Your life is what you make it.. you werent meant to sing... now move on to the next thing. You really think singing is all you have? thats absurd.

your the one who doesnt get it. You are a human being with unlimited possibility within you. Get better at guitar or drums or something that has nothing to do with music.. to say you cant is to fail completely

[CynicalGuitarist]

now thats the attitude of a loser... keep telling yourself that, your only further manifesting it into reality dude. You have an extremely negative attitude towrds yourself and your abilities.. it will begin to show within your lifes circumstances unless you decide to do something about it.

 

Your life is what you make it.. you werent meant to sing... now move on to the next thing. You really think singing is all you have? thats absurd.

your the one who doesnt get it. You are a human being with unlimited possibility within you. Get better at guitar or drums or something that has nothing to do with music.. to say you cant is to fail completely

 

I'm burnt out on guitar. It's something I do for fun, not something I wanna do professionally. Singing is my passion, and will remain my passion. It's all I've ever had. I don't have anything else to fall back on. At this point, I just don't care how much I suck at it, or if it is a waste of time... because life is pointless to me. No matter what belief system is closest to the truth, the fact remains... life is incredibly short, isn't grand, and is pointless beyond reason. I see no point in life other than to do whatever I love before I become a big ol' pile of them bones. I may not be Freddie Mercury, but whatever. I mean, look at William Hung. Sure, he's probably the worst vocalist in the entire world, but at least he has one thing a lot of those "full of themselves" egotistical singers don't have... heart. At least he had fun, and had the balls to do it infront of one of the most impossible-to-please snobs in the world (Simon).

 

The point is, I'd rather be a failure doing something I feel than suck doing something I don't want to. Who cares if my mom lied to me and I wasn't born to sing... it's all I've got, so why not suck with style?