My BF's Mother Hates Me

[highonyou]

A while ago, maybe a month or two my lovely bf called after a night out. He'd been out as well back in his hometown and I in mine. We have a great relationship and have no qualms about telling each other practically everything. The problem is that he got onto the subject of his family and what they thought of me...

 

His grandmother is a racist and told my bf that she didnt like how i was "a bit foreign". I thought it was funny at the time when i first met her and she asked where i was from, i told her i was born in Edinburgh. Then she asked where i was "really" from, and then my bf subtly took her out of the room after i explained my father was Scottish, and originated form the same area as her family, but the fact my mother is from the Philipines wasnt well accepted.

 

My my bf's mother is a bit worse. I've only met her twice and that is enough for me. She likes ot make snide comments about my family in passing conversation, poking fun at my mum's job (in a salmon factory) and how i worked with her during the summer. my Bf or his dad dont seem to notice the effects of those kinds of comments or that they are offensive despite my explaining to my bf later.

 

But what really makes my blood boil is that she thinks i'm a goldigger and i have visible tattoos.

 

Im a uk size 14/16. My gosh i better eat something because i'm so emaciated since i have visible tattoos which means i am obviously on crack. lol.

 

But a goldigger?? Ok fine, my hunnybun just earned himself an honours degree in law and has the potential to get a very well paid job in the future.

 

But im doing exactly the same, i am making th most of my university life studying for an honours degree in microbiology which can give me a vast amount of options once i am done.

 

I just soo peeved that she has the gall to look down on me, my dad has a fruitful career as a Dr. of Physics but all she cares about is picking at such unimportant aspects of my family. My bf says he doesnt care about what they think about me, and that he isnt even sure what kind of girl they expect him to introduce them to.

A friend at work thinks that his mum wont ever be happy with whomever he is with and i am starting to think that maybe it would have been easier if he hadnt told me anything at all.

 

Sorry for the length

Kat xx

[Lana0120]

I think your friend at work is probably right. His mum probably would pick holes in whoever your boyfriend dated. It doesn't help you much unfortunately, as it's pretty much a case of grin and bear it, isn't it? I think if you guys stay together, eventually love probably will conquer all and they'll accept you.

[highonyou]

Im worried that it might get worse before it starts getting better as well. His gran i can handle, she's from a past era where those comments and offfensive words were the norm.

 

I don't think my dearest being his mum's only blue-eyed boy any easier either.

[Lana0120]

I think that you just have to roll with the punches. Stuff she is going to say will get to you, but if outwardly you act like it doesn't, I think she'll try it on less often. As you say, his gran is just being herself... not intentionally offensive. The elderly can be pretty funny imo with some of the things that they can come out with.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Hmm. Most of the advice that you're going to get is probably going to be along the lines of sit and take it, but I think that (if you talk with your boyfriend about it beforehand and both agree that confronting her is the best method of action) you should stand up for yourself. Just because she's your boyfriend's mother doesn't give her the right to make hurtful and disparaging remarks about you or your family. The next time she says something venomous just look at her and say "That was inappropriate and hurtful, and I'd like it if you apologized." Make sure that you talk to your SO before taking this path of action, though, because it'll only work if you present a united front.

[Hellzapoppin]

Just because she's your boyfriend's mother doesn't give her the right to make hurtful and disparaging remarks about you or your family. The next time she says something venomous just look at her and say "That was inappropriate and hurtful, and I'd like it if you apologized." Make sure that you talk to your SO before taking this path of action, though, because it'll only work if you present a united front.

 

Exactly.

 

Just because she's his Mom, doesn't give her the right to be a hateful .

 

Set her straight NOW, before you get married.

 

And keep doing it - as often as need be. Often, these women cannot tolerate their sons having a wife and the son and wife end up having to completely sever contact, because of all the dysfunction.

 

Good luck

[Pettle]

Treat her with the same respect as she is treating you. I did this to my future MIL and looky that .. all of the sudden she is nicey nicey - I am at the 'whatever' stage though.

 

 

I really don't accept racist people... eeeeek!

[Pettle]

Hmm. Most of the advice that you're going to get is probably going to be along the lines of sit and take it, but I think that (if you talk with your boyfriend about it beforehand and both agree that confronting her is the best method of action) you should stand up for yourself. Just because she's your boyfriend's mother doesn't give her the right to make hurtful and disparaging remarks about you or your family. The next time she says something venomous just look at her and say "That was inappropriate and hurtful, and I'd like it if you apologized." Make sure that you talk to your SO before taking this path of action, though, because it'll only work if you present a united front.

 

Right - Exactly - This Mother is HIS Mother. Not yours *thankfully* .. thereforeeee, you don't need to take crap from her... only your Mom