Ex is up to her old tricks...

[heynowwww]

So my ex who is in a relationship is back to calling restricted again at 3 am. It is somewhat sad because I know she is drunk and I feel bad for the guy she is dating at this point. Her Bday is tomorrow so I think she may be feeling guilty about what she has done but I dont really know. I am just glad that after 2 months of no contact I realize she is not a good person for me and I will not take any calls from her at all hours of the morning like I used to. I feel it is disrespectful to me. I do wish her the best though and hope she ends up happy. Why do you all think she is doing this again, it just confuses me. Thanks.

[sandyv]

Heynowwww, My ex has done, and is still doing the same thing....

 

Wish I could tell you why, but I don't understand this kind of behaviour either.... maybe our ex's are trying to exorcise the demons that they are now forced to live with?

 

Hopefully thats the case, and no I won't give in, and I also hope you'll stick to your guns as well..... you and I owe it to ourselves....

 

Take care...

 

Sandy

[heynowwww]

Hey Sandyy,

 

Thanks for the encouragement. Isnt it somewhat funny. It is like oh thanks you can go hang out with that other dude and give him all your time, but then call me at the wee hours of the morning. She must be very confused. I havent heard from her though so she may be single. I will never give her the time of day again. I just wish she would pull herself together. It took me long enough to do so and I was the dumpee. Oh well I feel a million times better than I did 2 months ago and there is no way Im setting myself up for that hurt again, so she can keep on calling and Ill keep not answering haha.

[Ripples]

Your strength and positive feelings are born out of your ability to maintain NC. Undoubtedly this you must continue to do. The reason I say this is because despite this new found strength you are still obsessing why she behaves the way she does which means she still has control over you. In otherwords if you break NC now, or in the immediate future, all the ground you have made up in your emotional recovery will vanish and you will be back at square one.

 

I and everyone else on here will tell you right now that her behaviour is not healthy, it does not allow for the development of a healthy relationship, it is wrong. thereforeeee, take strength from this fact - IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH!

 

You will never be able to rationalise why she or anyone else does anything! We have all been moulded by different influences in our lives, some good some bad. People are what they are.

 

The one thing that you can do however, is continue to build your strength through NC and take a good hard look at who you are and what you are about. In any situation like this the one thing that has to be focussed on is why you as an individual are willing to tolerate inappropriate behaviour towards you. What is it that makes you want to rationalise her behaviour. Find the answer to that and you will be able to fix the problem much more easily.

 

Setting boundaries is a fine art. NC is a very clear, visible boundary designed to send a strong message to something harmful ie stay away!

 

You're doing ok, keep going.