I think i know what I should do.

[velvetapathy]

Hey everyone, Still confused as to what I should do, i thought her and I had thins worked out.

I was dating this girl for 2 1/2 years we have lived together for the past 9 months, we have been through a lot together and I am still very much so in love with her. Within the past two months we had a drastic change of life, we ended up moving in with a friend of mine and his roommate as well as acquiring her sister who lived with us. Now mind you she is also the mother of two children and yes this house was more then large enough for everyone to have there own room(save the kids who are only 3,5). She suddenly had zero free time as she her sister just moved from out of state and really does not know anyone. To top all of that off I work nights and she works during the day so we almost never saw each other for more then 15min during the week. Well just a couple weeks ago she told me that she loves me with all of her heart and that she is no longer in love with me I asked her if she felt things were fixable and she told me not at this time and she was 100% certain of that. I moved out and her and I continued talking almost everyday. We just recently went on a trip to get a friend two states away and on the way there things were just like they were when we were together. Since we have been back I have asked her out to a movie and her response was let me think about it.I am now confused is she just using me as a safety net till she finds a new guy? and should i start NC or would staying in light contact be the best thing.

[nuttybuddy]

let her date around. seems like that's what she wants.

 

so try the NC. it sounds like it will be harder for you than it will be for her.

 

NC is the only way i think that will either knock some sense into her to want to be back with you, or it will knock some sense into you to know that she wasn't the one for you.

[SRufus]

let her date around. seems like that's what she wants.

 

so try the NC. it sounds like it will be harder for you than it will be for her.

 

NC is the only way i think that will either knock some sense into her to want to be back with you, or it will knock some sense into you to know that she wasn't the one for you.

 

sorry, but what does NC stand for?

 

i am newbie

[velvetapathy]

sorry, but what does NC stand for?

 

i am newbie

 

No Contact, as for being a newbie everyone has to start somewhere this seems to be a good place.

[velvetapathy]

let her date around. seems like that's what she wants.

 

so try the NC. it sounds like it will be harder for you than it will be for her.

 

NC is the only way i think that will either knock some sense into her to want to be back with you, or it will knock some sense into you to know that she wasn't the one for you.

 

If you do not mind me asking how are you able to tell that she is wanting to date around is there something that I am just failing to see?? We had a really good relationship up until the past couple months lots of communication between the two of us I guess I am just confused as to why she just wants to throw all of that away at the drop of a dime. She said that she still very much so wants to be friends and would like me to be apart of not only her life but the kid's as well(as I have gotten pretty attached to the two of them). She has told me in conversations that stuff just changed she is not sure what changed but something did and that is why she wants out.

[nuttybuddy]

Oh man... she is sooo being vague... she's pretty much trying not to hurt you. She knows the real reason, but she just can't say it to you. And she may never tell you.

 

Maybe she won't date around anytime soon, but the fact that she said "I love you but I'm not in love with you..." is the EXACT thing my bf told me when we broke up. And his main thing is that he doesn't know if someone better might come along. So I just assumed that that means, in your case, she has her eyes open for other possibilities.

 

Right now, my bf isn't going anywhere cuz we're back together, but I am in a pretty rotten situation since he's not committed himself yet to me. He thinks it may be cold feet.

 

Whatever the case.... if she wants space, I think giving it to her is good. But I also think you shouldn't hang around and be a friend to her. That won't allow her to see what she can be missing.

 

I think the truth behind why she won't tell you the real reason is... maybe someone has caught her eye.

 

I think my bf had the strength to finally break it off with me when he found himself around his "best friend" who is a girl who has recently turned single. I've been suspicious ever since about his feelings toward her and I was uneasy about him getting back together with me. I mean, why the heck would he get back with me if he was interested in her? I don't know the answer to that, but it may be the fact that he's afraid that she's not interested in him.

 

sorry for talking so much about my life. i guess i might be projecting since my experience has shaped me to be what i am now.

[velvetapathy]

Chances are you are probably right... she made mention when i talked to her tonight that we kind of felt like a old married couple as we had fallen into a routine. I am starting to think that she might be after that initial spark that you get when you meet someone new. Your right she will probably never tell me the real reason why she broke things off between us and the more I try to get a reason out of her the farther I seem to be pushing her away. We had talked about marriage and stuff not too long ago and she was really in too the idea she would of even gone to the court house with me that day... really starting to be thankful that we did not do that on a whim. I know that I should go NC for a bit however every time I try to just cut her out of my life i can never seem to hold my ground which is weird because i was never this much of a push over when we were together.

[Up and Down]

I know that I should go NC for a bit however every time I try to just cut her out of my life i can never seem to hold my ground which is weird because i was never this much of a push over when we were together.

 

I know how you feel as I am not a pushover either but at times like this your perspective is skewed and in order to see clearly you need to step out of the woods. Its hard to not talk to someone or see someone that you are used to seeing on a regular basis, I feel that for the most part humans are a creature of habit. In any case to break the cycle NC seems to be the way to go. Find distractions to keep your mind occupied, gym, movies, going out with friends etc.