how to deal with no official break up

[medtranusa]

What do you do if the person just dropped off the face of the earth without saying goodbye? It's always hard to hurt someone you care about but not saying goodbye is the worst to me. My relationship was long distance, not committed as of yet, so not hearing from him is nothing new but I'm fairly sure he is letting go just because he decided it was the right thing for me. He never goes this long without checking in with me and apologizing for being busy, etc. So he stays in touch most of the time. The last I knew he was a in a bad motorcycle accident so after no contact for almost 2 weeks I mailed a couple CDs to his brother's house since he went home for rehab. I included a note that was rather benign, but I did ask for an update on his condition. I didn't want to make it about me since he may actually be suffering from a great deal of complications. I lived with a guy for 9 years that I didn't really know so who this man really is after 4 months may also be not who I thought he was. I am just getting on with my life right now but this was a once in a lifetime, hard-hitting love for me. I think I read too much into everything he did and said because I wanted a future together. We were pretty sickening for quite awhile. Neither one expected it or wanted it but the infatuation felt too good. He used to say dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. You know that initial good stuff before the real love and commitment grow.

 

How does everyone feel about things that just fade away with no real breakup? Just bites.

[Ms_ME]

I don't think I had that happen before. But just try to take your mind off it by doing other things and going out!

 

cheer up and good luck!!

[rsxguy520]

this is how my break up was. sucks doesn't it?! i feel for you.

 

for me 3.5 years together officially, 4 years off knowing each other...then she meets some older guy, walks away for good. man it does bite...

 

but let me tell you this. the feelings that the dumpee has does fade away. and it does fade away for good (for some, or most). for the dumper, from past experience prior to the most recent break up. the feelings and love fade away for a period of time, but! it does come back eventually. for them. i know cause one of my ex's cheated on me, but came back to me months later. sadly, i was over her, and really couldn't do anything about it.

 

so what i am trying to say is, yeah it does fade away for you, but for ex, i'm not so sure about that.

 

so how do you deal with it. well in all honestly, you have to except for what it is. take each day one at a time. you will have ups and down. but its the best life lesson to go through. you learn more about how to improve yourself and your expectations for your next relationship will change.

 

so if i'm not much help. but this is just my perspective of it.

[medtranusa]

It's just so hard. I wish I could quit thinking about it. He could be really bad off right now. Told me he had broken both his legs and lost some of his eyesight but then he just decided not to tell me anymore. Makes me wonder if that is true or if he things are even worse than that for him. It's never a good thing to just drop out of sight, no matter what the situation is. I'm not a young person and really do shy away from even dating because of my past relationships. This one just happened when I wasn't looking and I had a feeling I would pay for it. It just felt too good at the time. I guess I should be happy for that good part and hope he didn't lie at least and will recover. I just have to keep tending to my life, my job, my house, and my pets.

[Ms_ME]

Send him flowers, saying get well soon. Thats all.

[medtranusa]

I sent him the CDs I burned for him previously with note that asked for an update on his condition. No needy stuff. That's why I feel down because that will be it for me. No more contact. I can check in a month on whether the accident really happened though. That's when the accident report would be available. Then I would at least know that much. He appeared to me as a person who acts tough on the outside but really doesn't like to show his true weakness. That may be what this is all about. Not an excuse though for making me wonder.

[Ms_ME]

some guys just suck

[medtranusa]

That's it and unfortunately I have major chemistry with the worst, but of course they don't show that until later. So all I have to go on is if there are major sparks, I need to run like hell. I lived with a guy for almost 10 years. He gave me an engagement ring and about 10 months later breaks up with me a week before Thanksgiving for a woman he met 2 weeks earlier. Hey that's a solution, if your longstanding relationship needs some attention, just get a new person.

[medtranusa]

Well I finally heard from him today. He got with IM and actually let me see him with the web cam. He still looked bruised but told me he was much worse. He is feeling better and seemed in good spirits. He still can't see very well so it took him a little while to read and write messages. He told me anyone who had been to the scene of the accident and doctors told him he should have died. He is in a wheelchair for now with steel rods in both upper legs so that must have been a really bad accident. It's much harder to break your upper leg and usually it's the lower leg that gets broken. We talked for almost an hour and didn't get into anything besides how he was. I told him knowing all the complications related to broken leg, as I'm in the medical field, I was really worried about him but I really couldn't give him a bunch of grief over it. Message to all motorcyclists out there, wear your helmut. That is the only reason this man is still alive. Yes he was in Florida at the time were we don't require helmuts and people die everyday where they might have survived.

[TXStar7128]

Well, be thankful you have a reason for not getting any contact from him. I had a friend who dated a guy for a year and a half, the guy moved two hours away to take a job, just didn't call her for 6 weeks, and she found out they had officially broken up over facebook status. They are actually back together and talking marriage right now, but still. At least this guy really is in bad shape!

[medtranusa]

I know I had my doubts though because of my last experience of living with a total stranger after almost 10 years. You just cannot be totally sure about a person. So sad.