Have I truely lost her

[velvetapathy]

I have been dating this girl (with two small children 3,5) for the past 2 years, we recently broke up. She said that she loves me with all of her heart but is no longer in love with me, said that she had been feeling ignored for the past couple months and has moved on. We both have been incredibly busy as I work nighs and she works days first off the kids take up a large portion of her time and we just recently had her sister move in from out of state who knows no one and follows her around constantly.

We were living together up until two days ago when I moved back in with my mother, we still have a lease on the house and she has plans on moving out early October(which is when she will be moving in with her mother, she was going to stay in the house until that time) in which I will move back into the house and finish out the lease. I was very wishy washy about moving back with my mother and then moving back into the house when she left and she became frustrated... saying that I was always indecisive. I was going to try to keep LC with her since we will be driving to another state here within the next week or so to pick her sister up from a family visit and such when i talked to her yesterday she asked if I was still going to watch her kids for a couple hours over the weekend I told her that I was not that I had already made other plans, she became furious that I had not told her until the day before now mind you her and I have been arguing a lot the past 2 days. I would very much so like her back in my life however I feel that I am just pushing her away by staying in contact and things are only going to get worse if I go with her this next week and spend 20+ hours with her. I have been reading a lot that NC for a bit right after a break up can lead to reconciliation in some cases... Not entirely sure how I should handle this situation.

[Entropy Smith]

She doesn't respect you but still likes having a free baby sitter/chaufeur/dishwasher helping her out.

 

1)Quit trying to please her you are only making her respect you less.

 

2)LC during the 2 days? Do NC for 6 months, get yourself together, stop with taking on the role of BF before you are her BF.

 

What do you want "instant-family" for? Get it together son. Don't be a sucker.

[Xetra Dax]

carreer v.s relationship. Its about what is most important now in both of your lives so that you can make an appropriate decision on how busy you two want your lives to be. Any relationship surely means that the two people need to have enough time for eachother.

 

What it basically comes down to is that both of your lives are terribly organised.

 

Know this: All the elements in a relationship should be aligned to maintain the delicate balance,this so you two don't collide like cars crushing into eachother, as you have been now. Purely out of lack of communication and lack of organisation. Never go into a relationship if you don't have time to be with eachother. Any given relationship needs time investment. If you never see eachother you might as well consider yourself separated.

 

And because you two were always separated, its really no wonder you two never communicated in a satisfying way. I thereforeeee really doubt if you should prolong this kind of relationship.

[Daligal83]

It sounds like she wants everything her way. She doesn't want to be with you, yet you need to move where and when she tells you, still watch her children, go on a trip for her family...where are your needs being met? They aren't. Since she broke up with you, I'd say you are no longer obligated to do any of this. If you had mutually broken up and on good terms, I'd say that it wouldn't be weird to do all that. But since it was her decision, she should not be expecting all this out of you. Don't let her make you feel bad, this was her doing.

[Clabs]

Hey velvet.

 

I am afraid I agree with the others here. She sounds pretty selfish to me and I think you should get away from her and stay away.

 

Take care and start looking out for you now.

 

Mark

[velvetapathy]

thank you everyone for your advice... Her and I have been talking and found a solution that is going to work for both of us financially with the house lease as well as keep us separate from each other for awhile... I guess we will just have to see what happens in time.