Some Help here please. My sex crazed bf isn't so sex crazed anymore.

[EllisBreaks]

Hey everyone. I'm 4 monthes pregnant, and I am so frustrated. My sex drive is at an all time high, but he just doesn't seem to want me anymore

 

I've spoken to him about this, and he has had a plethora of excuses. each time i've talked to him about it there seems to be a different one, when I think i can sense what it really is. THat's where I need your help. To determine if i'm right.

 

His excuses:

 

1. "I can't make you cum" Which isn't the whole truth. I am so worried about him being bored, sometimes I just don't. I worry about him being bored, because he's soooo experienced, and he is into some freaky stuff, I think that just plain ol sex would be boring to him. I DO cum 75% of the time though.

 

2. He says he has cycles, and this is his down cycle. The last time this happened was last summer! He doesn't have cycles for god sakes.

 

I can FEEL and SENSE that he doesn't desire me anymore, but he denies it of course. He usually can't keep his hands off of me. He still shows me tons of affection, and he's really excited about the baby, but he just doesn't seem to want to touch my sexually anymore. It's driving me away from him. I am growing bitter towards him. I feel rejected and ugly because of it.

 

He watches tonnes of porn, of many types. He sure seems to get off on this, it never bothered me before, I can't believe I'm one of those women on a forum talking about porn! I never thought ever! That I would be complaining about frucking porn! ugh. I'm disgusted with myself as i type.

 

Last weekend, he went limp the two times he initiated. He was drunk, but this has NEVER happened while he was drunk, usually when he's drunk, he can't cum, he never had a problem with staying hard before.

 

He used to come at me with a force, and drag me to the bedroom. Now the only time i get it, is before bed or in the morning, I'm on my side, no foreplay,, he just sticks it in and that's that.

 

Yes, I have gained weight, from being pregnant. I know this is why, and I feel SO ugly because of it. He keeps denying it, saying that it's a natural thing, and that he can't wait until i get bigger. Then he turns around and calls someone fat and disgusting on tv, and it almost makes me want to cry, wondering what he really thinks of me.

 

I never initiate sex, because the few times i did (in the past, during his "off-cycle" like a year ago) he basically just layed there, and didn't cum, I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was just doing it for me! I never ever felt so rejected. So I never initiated again. Although I never had to. He's always been ravenous. Until now.

 

Fruck Lastnight, he actually came to bed early. Stripped down naked. He snuggled with me, and we talked alot. That. was. it. He evenually fell asleep. I couldn't. I was to freakin horny. And, depressed, feeling unattractive. What a combo eh?

 

He usually comes to bed after i'm sleeping. What the heck was lastnight about? Did he just want to tease me?

 

It's been like this for the past month, and I can't take much more of it. Any sugestions?

[seashoremaine]

I'm no expert, but I am a man and often in the same boat (not getting any).

 

1. This would be a turn off for me. You need to be confident in your sexuality. Even though he is experienced and freaky, if your enjoying your self, he will probably enjoy himself also, even if it's not that kinky. You should spend some time masturbating and fantasizing by yourself. This will allow you to learn what makes you cum every time and discover your kinky boundaries in a safe, pressure free environment.

 

2. This is real. Stress can kill my libido! It not a hormonal cycle, but a "life" cycle.

 

When my wife was pregnant, my libido did go down. Even though it's probably not possible, men don't want to poke their kid in the eye! All kidding aside pregnancy changes the way you look at your wife. She is no longer just a wife, but now she is a delicate biological machine which is growing your new baby. This imagery is NOT arousing. finally, this is probably the first time your partner is coming to grips with the fact that you are not going to always look they way you did when you first met. A pregnant woman is sexy, but not necessarily in the same way your used to. As your man matures he will realize that it's not only you who are getting older (wrinkles, sags, etc) but the same thing is happening to him. He needs to embrace these changes and deal with them.

 

Don't worry, once the baby is born, sex will be the last thing on your mind for like 5 years. Then he can get a taste of what a dry spell feels like!

 

I have no problem with porn to fill a gap that your partner can't or is unwilling to fill. However if he is choosing porn over you then that is a problem. He should cool it on the porn if he's not going to pay attention to you.

 

Summary: Try and work on 1. since that is something you have total control over. After working on this, see if some of his fantasies are within your comfort zone so you can spice it up a little. I don't care whats going on in my life, or how chubby my wife gets, if she puts on a self touching show for me, I'm there 100%

 

-J

[shygirl23]

seashore makes a good point. I'd suggest putting on your sexiest outfit, costume, etc. (something that you feel good in despite a few extra pregnancy pounds), doing a teasing lapdance or something of that nature, and then just walk right back out. Show him what it's like to be teased and then take it from him.

 

But that's just me.

[EllisBreaks]

seashore makes a good point. I'd suggest putting on your sexiest outfit, costume, etc. (something that you feel good in despite a few extra pregnancy pounds), doing a teasing lapdance or something of that nature, and then just walk right back out. Show him what it's like to be teased and then take it from him.

 

But that's just me.

 

I don't feel good in anything. I feel ugly. I can't do that, my lack of self esteem inhibits me.

 

Especially when he makes comments like: I'd do her, she's small and compact, just my type. I like that.

 

and did you see Mary (my brother's pregnant gf), wow! did she ever get fat!

 

commenting on how disgusting fat people are. I did have a few extra pounds before i got pregnant, it didn't seem to bother him then though, he was always turned on by me before.. My baby bump is now pushing that weight out, and making it look like i'm merely fatter! Not pregnant at all fruck I just wanna cry I feel so nasty.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Some men do feel weird about having sex with a pregnant woman... fear of 'harming' the baby somehow, or psychological issues related to having sex with a 'mother' figure, or stress from the impending idea of fatherhood.

 

and some men are immature and perceive a pregnant woman as 'fat' (even though it is baby) and have a fat phobia when it comes to women...

 

so it could be anything, or he is stressed at work, or in general, or depressed etc.

 

i would keep talking to him, and make it clear that you want you same sex life to happen during the pregnancy, and try to get to the bottom of what is going on in his head.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

btw, you shouldn't be getting your sense of self esteem from him to the point that you allow him to make you feel bad. if he is shallow and immature about this, then i suggest you tell him to get real, you are pregnant, and that's just the way nature works. if he is so obsessess with 'tiny' women that he is being rude to you, i would also talk to him about that, that is not fair of him to say insensitive things when you are pregnant.

 

he is being totally mean if he is making such comments, and showing lack of respect for you. i would straighten him out on this, and go buy yourself some sex toys to satisfy your desire, if he won't cooperate. maybe he will take the hint!

[EllisBreaks]

1. Believe me, I spend ALOT of time masurbating. Lately every chance I get alone, is spent with my vibrator! I'm serverely horny and frustrated, and hurt. A horrible combo. I end up crying after i'm finished because i remember that my bf doesn't care to have sex with me anymore. It is ruining my life. I'm pushing him away. I can't control my feelings. I can't hide them from him.

 

2. But he isn't stressed though. That's what worries me. I dumped him almost two months ago. Our past was a horrible one. But ever since i've forgave him for past mistakes, and he's been trying alot harder, our relationship hasn't ever been this good!

 

He just got a big raise, along with fringe benefits. He's going on vacation to see his family that he hasn't seen in years, some he's never even met. He's REALLY happy. For once, the only problem between us, is not a horrible one, and that is what i'm writing about. Our relationship was bleak before. This sex thing pales in comparision to our past problems.

 

You made some good points about looking at your wife differently. He tells me i'm beautiful all the time, but I sense that he just doesn't desire me anymore. it will end up killing us if it doesn't let up.

 

I also know that he isn't concerned about hurting the baby. He knows it isn't possible, just from sex. He isn't scared about getting the baby in the eye. He likes sex hard and rough and fast, and when we do have sex, he isn't any gentler, it's just ALOT less frequent, with out any enthusiasim. etc.

 

sighs.

[seashoremaine]

I think I know the problem! Your partner is an A** H***!

 

Any guy who tells his partner "I'd do her" or says a pregnant woman is fat has serious maturity problems. I don't think there is any known cure...

 

The important thing is to know that it's his problem not yours. Be strong and try not to loose your self esteem.

[seashoremaine]

It's hard to tell why our partners don't desire us at times and masturbation helps, but it's that emotional feeling that masturbation just can't fulfill. I'm willing to work with my wife to try and get through our issues, but if she was not having passionate sex with me, but said "I'd like to do him", the marriage would be over. Done. Thats totally rude and disrespectful.

 

-J

[EllisBreaks]

I think I know the problem! Your partner is an A** H***!

 

Any guy who tells his partner "I'd do her" or says a pregnant woman is fat has serious maturity problems. I don't think there is any known cure...

 

The important thing is to know that it's his problem not yours. Be strong and try not to loose your self esteem.

 

I know he can be an areshole. I've dealt with it.

 

I've also told him that these comments hurt me. His response was. "why do you have to focus on the negative. Why can't you dwell on all the good thing that i tell you?" How can i when he tells me how beautiful i am, when indeed i look fat. Then he turns around and comments on fat people on tv, when it looks like he's just blowing sunshine up my * * * * to keep me happy, it's clear what he thinks. At least, that's how my mind works.. I hate being so negative.

 

It's hard to tell why our partners don't desire us at times and masturbation helps, but it's that emotional feeling that masturbation just can't fulfill. I'm willing to work with my wife to try and get through our issues, but if she was not having passionate sex with me, but said "I'd like to do him", the marriage would be over. Done. Thats totally rude and disrespectful.

 

-J

 

Yeah. Masturbation. It sure helps him. So much so that he doesn't seem to care to touch me anymore.

 

I went home to grab a snack, and checked his history. He masturbated before work. As usual. So much for him having a "down cycle"

 

When you have a down cycle, do you masurbate everyday?

[seashoremaine]

No. I always prefer sex with my wife over masturbation (unless she is watching, that can be fun too). If I'm in a down cycle, everything is down. I'm stressed and focused on my problems. When this happens, my mind does not wonder to the naughty place, I don't get horny, then I don't want sex (with my self or anyone else).

 

-J

[EllisBreaks]

No. I always prefer sex with my wife over masturbation (unless she is watching, that can be fun too). If I'm in a down cycle, everything is down. I'm stressed and focused on my problems. When this happens, my mind does not wonder to the naughty place, I don't get horny, then I don't want sex (with my self or anyone else).

 

-J

 

see, that is what i thought. He still masturbates, still downloads porn. Everything. Comments on women on tv. He's always thinking sex. Lately he just hasn't included me in his thoughts.

 

I asked him if i could do anything differently. I have told him that I know that it's me that he's not attracted to anymore, and he denies it. Then initiates. But it's not the same. It feels like his fires gone.

 

In June, all i had to do was kiss him and he'd get hard. Now he lies beside me naked. Nothing. He's thinking of baby names. All i can do is think about sex.

[seashoremaine]

Your situation is a tough one (mostly because your guy seems immature and rude and your pregnant).

 

Even if everything he says is true, that does not solve the problem. He loves you, your beautiful, yada, yada, yada, but if he does not "desire" you, you still have a big problem! This is same problem I have. No excuse or justification is going to fix the fact that I want a woman to "desire" me and if mine does not (no matter what she says) then the relationship will eventually fail.

 

-J

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[EllisBreaks]

Your situation is a tough one (mostly because your guy seems immature and rude and your pregnant).

 

Even if everything he says is true, that does not solve the problem. He loves you, your beautiful, yada, yada, yada, but if he does not "desire" you, you still have a big problem! This is same problem I have. No excuse or justification is going to fix the fact that I want a woman to "desire" me and if mine does not (no matter what she says) then the relationship will eventually fail.

 

-J

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awww, it seems as though we are in the same rotten boat. I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems too.

 

Has it been this way for a while? How old are you two?

 

I don't see this as getting any better on my end, because I can't act like nothing is wrong. He sees right through me.

 

Yesterday, I was VERY depressed about the saturday night and sunday morning attempts he made. Where he went limp. I thought he didn't remember because he was pretty drunk.

 

He finally confronted me and asked if thats what it was about. I cant' hide anything from him. Of course he made excuses, how he drank like 15 beer. blah blah. That never bought forth a soggy wank before. Just ALOT more sex!

 

This morning i was cold towards him as well. I'm making things worse. I can't just not care. He said my reaction to it all was perpetuating it all as well. He is right. I still don't know what to do.

[seashoremaine]

You can PM me (email below) if you like.

 

We have had this problem on and off. Her libido has gone down steadily since we have been married, with a dramatic drop after our son was born.

 

The problem becomes more pronounced when my libido is up (like now). Not sure if you have this experience, but my frustration is on 2 levels. One is I want to have a passionate loving relationship with my wife (being just nice and considerate is NOT passion) and it's depressing when this is not happening. The second is my hormones go crazy, make me horny and irrational. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal!

 

-J

email removed

[EllisBreaks]

You can PM me (email below) if you like.

 

We have had this problem on and off. Her libido has gone down steadily since we have been married, with a dramatic drop after our son was born.

 

The problem becomes more pronounced when my libido is up (like now). Not sure if you have this experience, but my frustration is on 2 levels. One is I want to have a passionate loving relationship with my wife (being just nice and considerate is NOT passion) and it's depressing when this is not happening. The second is my hormones go crazy, make me horny and irrational. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal!

 

-J

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I know exactly how you feel! I'm just happy that it doesn't lower your self-esteem like it does with me.

 

Another thing I forgot to mention. I have never ever refused sex from him. Do you think he could be getting bored. Knowing he can get it when ever he wants. Men like a chase right?

[seashoremaine]

It's hurtful, but I have a pretty healthy self image. I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm fit (have always been thin) and am occasionally (once every few years) told that I am handsome by someone who has no reason to lie...

 

I don't think I have ever refused sex except in college when I had a GF I was ready to break up with. Becuase of this expereince I automaticaly assume the worse as to why my wife does not want to have sex...

 

Unless I was ill I could not imagine a reason I would refuse it. Even if I was not in the mood, I would still do it (or go down on her, etc) because my partner wants it and people in loving relationships tend to give each other what they want, right?

 

I think there is some truth about "getting it whenever you want". I think the wanting of sex makes you want it more. You start obsessing. The opposite is probably true. If your not ever worried about when your going to get it next, it's probably out of your mind more hence your less horny. That said I don't think withholding sex will help you or I. 3 weeks will go by, our partner will feel the same and we will feel much worse!

 

I don't like a chase...

 

-J

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