You should know that I am seeing other people now. Move on!

[judy1111]

My story started about 6 months ago when i met my ex through a mutual friend. After that we've been crazily in love and i moved in soon after we got together. The life we had were so great. It was simple. But It was most probably the most happy moment of my life. We bought a dog together. Within 2 months he flew back to my hometown and met my parents. He was so serious about marrying me and so was i. My parents kinda like him because he is a capable and senstivie man. He even told me how is he going to ask my father for permission if he is going to marry me. My parents are not the open minded kind. So its a huge deal for me to bring someone home and introduce to them.

 

3 months were over. My ex started to slipped into a hard-working mode as he is going to do a highly competitive business. From then on, we quarrel constantly coz he will take things out on me. The fights were really bad sometimes. I got thrown out of the house several times but we often make up after the fight and I would move back in. The last time i got thrown out was 3 months ago. I moved back to my own house with our dog. From then on, he visit me occasionally. But he always went missing and sometimes just ignore my calls and sms. But when we get to talk again, he will reassure me that everything is going to be fine and that he only wants to be with me. He said that i just have to wait for him to get over this period and he will marry me and take me for a holiday. From then on, i went through emotional roller coaster every single day coz I'll go insane when he went missing. But i insisted in waiting for him coz i love him so much. We rowed pretty often too.

 

Just last week, i was very unhappy of his ignorance to my call and text and i thereforeeee demand for a break up. Coz i felt that he is taking me for granted. He then responded to my text and said 'Pls stop it, I love you and i wanna be with you. Just wait for me to launch JSA and I'll be yours'. I didn't repond to that coz he has done it too many times. But I finally replied his text 3 days later. The next day, he sent me this 'you should know that I am seeing other people now, I'm sorry, I don love you. Move on.'

 

So does that mean he loved me 4 days ago and 4 days later he is seeing someone else? I been through so much for him and now he is happily being inside another woman's arm leaving me with broken heart. I've been so unstable for the past week. Since then he never even bother to reply my text when i asked him back for my photo album. What kind of person he is that he was so serious in marrying me and just jump into another relationship.. What should i do?

[judy1111]

The thing about him is that he was very successful at a very young age. He has everything and could retire before 30s. We lived in a really nice condo at a prime area. But he always said that he only want to live simple. So he said that I am everything he ever wanted coz I'm down-to-earth and am the only one that really takes care of him and he knows that I am the one for him. I never demand him to shower me with materials or indulge me in expensive fine dining. All i did was just to make sure i take care of him and our dog well and be supportive. I guess he really repay me with kindness by dumping me.

[Siriana]

He acted as a jerk.

If someone throws you out of an appartment that is a sign he has no idea how to solve conflicts.

Also the time when you two didn't live together and he was asking you to wait for him to sort out his business life was such a b******. Really.

You always have crazy periods in life, but that deosn't mean that the whole world is going to stop for you and that you can ignore your partner and family because of that.

Also it is obious how selfish he is.

That msg was something that I could never forgive.

 

Keep the dog, ignore the ex bf.

 

I am sure that in several months after good NC he'll be less important to you.

[judy1111]

He acted as a jerk.

If someone throws you out of an appartment that is a sign he has no idea how to solve conflicts.

Also the time when you two didn't live together and he was asking you to wait for him to sort out his business life was such a b******. Really.

You always have crazy periods in life, but that deosn't mean that the whole world is going to stop for you and that you can ignore your partner and family because of that.

Also it is obious how selfish he is.

That msg was something that I could never forgive.

 

Keep the dog, ignore the ex bf.

 

I am sure that in several months after good NC he'll be less important to you.

 

You are right in a lot of things. He can't handle conflicts properly and everytime when we had a row, he always end up asking me to move out or threaten to end the relationship. He is obviously the most selfish person in the world because it was pretty clear that he started a relationship with someone else way before he told me about it. And he was waiting for that relationship to confirm so he could finally let me go. So all the while he was just using me for sex and hold on to me so he could choose the best. Will someone like that ever have a happy and healthy relationship? He always bad-mouthed abt his exes. I guess he must be doing the same thing abt me.. It really hurts when someone you love so much can just turn into a monster and tear you apart. I don know when I will be able to get over this.. Its so hard...

[Siriana]

I had an ex like that..who was keeping me for sex while trying to find a girl he might love.

But I also made similar mistakes so...

What can you do..

Throwing you out of an apartment and threatening with a brake up is such a pathetic way of solving conflicts....

[Wolven]

Your story is just a reminder of how things seem so perfect at the start of a relationship but many times you don't really know the person until problems show up. If they're the type to run away from problems or take them out on you when they have some then from my experience, those relationships die a quick death.

 

His text is inexcusable - try not to make excuses as to why he might come back with such a rude response but see it as a sad display of his true colours coming through. Nobody deserves that in a partner.

[judy1111]

He is the most horrible person that I've ever been in a relationship with. But at the same time he also did give me the 'emotional high' when i was with him unlike others. I still love him so much and the thoughts of him doing all the things that he used to do to me to another woman now. All the things he said to me like 'you are the one. I will marry you. You are the only that takes care of me well. I want you to be the mother of my children. I want to grow old with you.' Now he is going to say it to someone else? So some ppl just don mean wat they say or dont follow through?

[jellytot]

Hey there girl, yes, Im affraid that people do just say things sometimes. It hurts like nothing else. My ex also ran away from problems, and dumped me everytime i tried to talk about things. he has communication problems. He has the problem, Not us. He broke up with me on Friday? Do you want to know why... because i asked him why a girl was asking for her bead necklace back from him... It was a fair thing to question. He got in a strop, got angry, said i didnt trust him, he was fed up and its over. full-stop.

 

About saying things that they dont mean... well... one thing he said to me, which i play over and over in my head was, 'dont quote me, i talk a lot of sh*t most of the time' - So, that says it all.

 

I KNOW he has problems of his own - will NOT communicate! cant even phone up a restaurant, or taxi, or company to speak.... He has to have issues, even half insecure people can do that! Hes 24 years of age! (bit younger than i)

 

The only thing we need to take comfort in, is that they have issues my friend. They do. And they dont know it, they run away from anything serious. So please, think like im thinking now. Whoever they are with next, the next time, the next time, it will probably not last, because they will always have these issues! Only fools would stick around (like us ).

 

They think they are perfect, but im telling you, when other relationships start failing, that is when they may realise, ýou know what, i am a rubbish boyfriend, and that girl i was with, who really loved me... she was good.

 

If i had to write down the Cons, they would be this.

 

1) He farts disgustingly ALL the time, and it stinks, cos he eats so unhealthily.

2) He cannot talk about anything serious - nothing at all.

3) He cant phone up restaurants to book a nice meal, nor a taxi for that matter, unless his life depended on it of course.

4) He spends most of his time on the internet, how boring.

5) He doesnt know how to drive (if we go to parties, it will ALWAYS be me who will be the one to not drink... no fairness - this time, i drive, next time you drive)

6) His only interests are watching football, playing football, and going out drinking and partying till 5 in the morning.

7) Hes arrogant, and hes rude, and he loves himself (im sure this is a mask though)

8) He cant stick to making arrangements. If i say, shall we go for lunch at blah blah next sunday, the answer is, i dont know. (i suppose it depends if football is on, or weather hes not hungover...)

9) He has no money sense. He has a job but is not capable of saving. Every cent is spent by the end of the week, till he gets paid again.

10) Hes always ridded with cold-sores (suppose its that diet)

11) Hes disrespectful towards his mother (who he lives with, and who does everything for him. He yells at her (she is a moaning cow however)

12) He has no ambitions at all! (unless he does, but doesnt mention them due to that CRAP talk problem he has)

13) He doesnt even have a proper bank account! (he has the 'kids' one since 13 years of age. Hes been saying hes going to get that sorted for a year! Its not hard, just go to the bank! But thats the whole, ambition thing, no motivation!

 

Now, what next girl, is going to be happy with the above? Please tell me? A blow up doll????

 

Only Pro i can think of right now, is he has a big willy! LOL. Thats what bugs me, because be me shallow, but maybe that would attract and keep the new girl (when she comes along) with him. Maybe good sex for some people would over rule all those cons. Thats what annoys me!!!!! Freaks me out.

 

So your turn....

 

List the Cons....

 

Together, we may find a way to get through this

xxxxx

[judy1111]

Everyone around me could see that the problems we always have in the relationship is cause by him. But he will never admit it. No one wants to ever see me with him again.

 

I've actually wrote down things that i like and dislike abt him since the day we broke up...

 

There are a few things I do liked about you.

1. Your commitment to me for the first three months

2. You are generous with gifts

3. You took care of me so well

4. You cook

5. You clean

6. You are fun to be with

7. You are intelligent

8. You are a romantic person

 

However, there are more things that I hate about you

1. You are too possessive

2. You make me feel so tense all the time

3. You are very selfish

4. You are a typical male chauvinist pig

5. You were a womanizer and forever will be

6. You have bad temper

7. You don’t respect me

8. You don trust me

9. You are so secretive all the time

10. You are very stubborn

11. You don let me be me

12. You are very reluctant to let me hang out with my friends

13. You stripped away my freedom

14. You make empty promises

15. You fall for someone else when I’ve been through so much * * * * for you

16. You get angry easily

17. You call me names

18. You are very childish when it comes to relationship

19. You are a narcissist

20. You took me for granted

21. You are a liar

22. You don know what you REALLY want

23. You are SO insecure

 

I seriously would think that a person with so much problem within himself is not going to hv a good relationship with anyone coz he is the problem.. not me.. So this poor girl that he is with is going to end up being another victim just like me...

[StillTrying]

You just described my ex. Sems like there r so many of us in the same boat. I feel the same way. My ex even put a deposit on a hall & I told everyone & did not know he told no one & then said I can't afford to marry u cause I have this big credit card debt from gambling &lost the $1000 dep & did not care. I ooked like a big loser to everyone & ater that dumb me still stayed with him & believed he was going to get out of debt cause he said I make living fun again & loved me more than life. I did not have aman that went with another woman just a big selfish ****** that loves gambling & drinking beer & doing whatever "he" wants to do first & blamed me for everything saying I started all the fights. U r right why am I even thinking of calling the *****. He did & said so many bad things to me & made me cry so much that I should not be even giving him a 2nd thought rgt? Why can they hurt us & get away with that? & LIE like that????? I am 47 & never married (for this reason) & will never know the answer......I hurt as much or if not more than u do right now. I really feel your pain & am sorry & have no advise to give cause if I knew that I would be happy ith someone right now right?????? Sorry for you & me. Life S____ sometimes & I had this done to me at least 10 times. Wonder how I am doing as well as I am & did not kill one of them & be in jail right now. Hate is too mild for what I am feeling right now. It is notfair. Just wanted to share & maybe I made u feel a little better.

[judy1111]

I think we all just need to focus on ourselves and find ourselves back right now.. I know that part of us die when we lost someone that we love so mucht that we would even give our entire commitment and life to.. And that person disappoint us in a most hurtful way.. we lost ourselves too.. somestimes I even feel so scared to look into the mirrror because i don see myself anymore.. i see someone that was being torn apart and I'm always wondering whehter I'll be ok.. When u love someone mean u r giving that person the permission to break your heart.. i feel so unattractive and have low self-esteem now.. But will he ever know that I'm going through this becoz of him? Or he is just busy having his arm wrap around another woman??

[StillTrying]

If u were with him & he was the one in the beginning u were with him for a reason & him with u. He is hurting believe me. I did not talk to my ex a couple times for a few days & he said he almost cried & missed me after. I used to bartend & sit with all the guys in the bar & listen to them. The girls would ask & worry abt what they r thinking abt like I wonder this & wonder that. Believe me all they were doing was bonding, drinking, & talking sports & work. Women seldom come up in a conversation with a bunch of men....but drifting off of u eventually the ones that do this to us do get it back in the long run or sooner or later. I have seen a couple exes get it back & yes maybe one they they will know what they did to u & never hurt another woman but he knows deep inside he is wrong if any comfort. They all do & they care as long as no one does it to them. Men are seldfish by nature & it is all about them usually I have found & look out if they r sick (they r dying) but we can go to work sick, hungover, etc. Hang in there...........I know this one is I think number 10 now. Yes they all hurt that bad too.

 

Tommi

[judy1111]

If he is hurting and he cares, he won't dump me and went for another woman after we've been through so much together and i've been through hell when he was having his work crisis but i never abandon him.. i waited and waited and believed that we're going to be ok... but i got dumped at the end through a few cold texts... its really scary on how a man can love you so much and so serious about marrying you at the beginning can just run away with another woman after knowing that there is someone still love him and is waiting for him... doesn't he have any feelings at all??

[deepthi]

yes, i know these is very very painful time for you. i also feel the same when my boys friend who is already married and naving children still we both fallon in love and when he has his wife, who also love him, then i also love him. but seeing all the situation it is too bad for me. and feel terrible guilty what i am doing to his family. and left him. knowing their is no future, i break..... but he is fine. with his family. he says he also feel loss but that is okay.............

 

and dealing with these is no easy, when we love still they don't feel anything that how much it will hurt other........ when we break. and how easily they fallon in love with other......... it is very strenge................

[judy1111]

I think you are doing the right thing here deepthi.. right now we all feel miserable becoz we only thinking abt the past and keep replaying the good time we used to hv with our exes.. but after a while.. your mind tend to build up a defense for that and you will feel better in moving on.. I've been broken up with my ex for abt 11 days now.. i allow myself to cry and let out my anger for the first 10 days... and today when i wake up i told myself that I'm gonna live happily from now onwards.. and when you keep telling yourself that.. you will realize you are capable of doing that.. we all deserve better than some married man and some womanizer..

[deepthi]

yes, it is right judy!

we only can do something for ourself. he called me yesterday 6 times and then wrote mail and send text also. but i not reply him. today i just wrote back. i was busy yesterday, and i am ok. then from morning he not reply mail. that is today he was online hole day. but i not went online. i know it is very strenge when that person will came all the time frount of you. we are learing to heal but their are fount of us. i feel very bad for these. but we only will heal. so take your time. i am also taking.

All the best!

[judy1111]

Thanks deepthi.. I'm sure you can choose to cut off all contacts if you really want to.. out of sight.. out of mind.. take care and we all will be better!!

[StillTrying]

Guys:

 

It does not matter married or not. They still are (just all the ones I have been with & many people on here) mean and hurtful. I cannot in good conscience say that "all" men are horrible cause they r not. Especially since I have gotten such good advise from so many men from here. I think I figured out my problem??? Could that be?? I always ask any children ever married? If no I think I have the whole enchilada without the problems. I think I should check out (leave an open mind) to men that were married already with grown children & their ex is already with someone. My last 3 have been never married no children & they r children themselves. No responsibilities & only think of themselves all the time cause they never had to think of anyone else. I think I will look into that when I am ready plus stay out of my hood too. I just ran into another ex last night at the card store. At least I looked really good with a great hair day & he kept staring. Sometimes that feels good but can be so awkward too. I may move up my apartment date from Nov. 1st since my Sept vacation is now put on the burner. We have to keep trying and not just let them win. I have been trying since 1978 & still think there is that someone out there for me. I still believe there really is somewhere for someone. Like shopping for a special item. We find things we settle with but not really like them & one day wow we find that special outfit that looks so good on & is resonably priced. We would actually pay any price because it is so good. I am too nice & too giving & talk & tell too much. I have to just chill & let it happen & be a little aloof with the next one. See like riding a bike. There are always potholes (esp in IL) on the road. Hope I gave some of you hope. See you can tell from my horrible email from Sunday I am improving so much & ladies u can too. Just concentrate on your self. I am working out again cause I could use to lose 5 lbs & trying to change the hairdo & clothes a bit. Makes ya feel a little better. Got to go.....hope I helped a little like you all helped me on Sunday.

Tommi

[Clabs]

Nice one Tommi - love this post!

 

Mark

[StillTrying]

Glad you liked it Dr. Mark...........

 

Actually for my vacation in Sept (supposed to go with ex to Tunica MS) I saw a flight to Vegas for $132 & thinking of booking it & going alone to get away. Maybe just what I need. I value your opinion so what do you think? I will be poolside from early to sunset. I always stay by the pool all day & only gamble a little at night. I did go alone once in 1985 & had a blast.

[Clabs]

Hey Tommi - So I'm a Dr. now? This is hilarious. Do I need to talk all posh and say things like the Dr. will see you now? PMSL! I'll have you know that I had just taken a gulp of tea as I read that and it has ended up all over my keyboard!

 

So - Vegas - well you are making me jealous - and only $132 for the flight! Actually - I am in the process of planning a trip there. I went to a black tie do a few weeks ago and met up with three guys who I spent New Years Eve with. We were all coupled up then and we are all now single with the same flaky and lame excuses. We have decided that we ought to go out there for a blast.

 

Anyway - to your question - do you go alone? well - if you think you can be happy with your company and not sit and mope then it is a great idea. Quite liberating to go off and do things on your own. Lay by the pool - soak up some rays - maybe turn a few guy's heads (that's you - not me!). If you think that you can do that then I would say book it - it is great to have some fun things booked up to look forward to - to get excited about.

 

Take care honey - you are doing good!

 

Doc!

[StillTrying]

Hey Doc Mark:

 

It's been a while since I have been here.I had to come on & read all the things I wrote. Since I have been here I have made a BIG mistake. I went back with the ex for an overnight last Sat (11th). We did alot of "talking" (yes that's all it was_bull) & actually had a great time. Well that was the last time we will ever have tog. He wanted to plan the Tunica again & dumb me said yes & started to plan it again. That's Sept 3rd we were supposed to go. Well we went to the bar & went back to his house I stopped & got us something to eat & bam.................same ol drunk jerk started with me. I know I should not have gone back at all but actually it was a good thing I did. I now know for sure he is all the things in a man that a woman does not want. He will never hold any place in my heart & is gone for good. He even got physical with me & I have some bruises. I just booked my own little getaway to Louisville KY (Ceasers IN) I get rooms free & wow what a great pool & am going myself. Air is only $118 RT & that is way cheaper than Vegas & way less crowded. I am really looking forward to this & am so happy that part of my life is FINALLY over!!!! I see him for what he is. Not a man & a big zero loser. I really hate him & hope I never see him again. I am nothing like I was that Sunday & after reading what I wrote here I know it is his loss & at least I can say I put eve into this & even gave him 1 last chance. He blew it & I am gone. I am so looking forward to going on vacation. It's something I really need to do & yes I need the relaxation alone. Not having to answer to anybody for 5 days will be great. I did tell u I live at home with mom. After vacation I will put everything into my moving out in my own place out of my neighborhood. Thanks for all your advise it really made me see things the way they really r without making any excuses. Talk to u soon Doc.

Tommi