Chronic Masturbator

[CynicalGuitarist]

yes, I'm dead serious with this title. I've done it almost every day since I was 14 or so, often multiple times a day. Some people smoke, some people drink, others do drugs, but I'm a chronic masturbator. Do any of you have any ideas as to what might help me quit? The only way for me to do this is to pretty much quit for good... I can't do it on occasions for the same reason I don't smoke pot anymore; I like it way too much. Ironically enough, it just doesn't feel as good as it used to.

 

Has anybody else been a chronic masturbator and can share their story?

[SallyCinnamon]

Right, I know I'm not the best person to give advice here, because I'm a girl, but from what my male friends have told me, that sounds normalish for a single teenager.

 

I could well be wrong but thats what I *think*....go and find yourself a nice girl to do it for you

[tylercdurden2004]

do you think its preventing you from going out and finding a girl that meets your needs?

[CynicalGuitarist]

do you think its preventing you from going out and finding a girl that meets your needs?

 

well, the reason why I do it a lot (yeah, I do it way more than I should... once I did it 10 times in a single day) is because it takes the desire out of the occasion. After pumping the firehose nature gave me, I have no desire to stumble over myself to try and talk to a lady I'm interested in, thus the crux of my problem goes away. Until the next morning, that is.

[tylercdurden2004]

well, the reason why I do it a lot (yeah, I do it way more than I should... once I did it 10 times in a single day) is because it takes the desire out of the occasion. After pumping the firehose nature gave me, I have no desire to stumble over myself to try and talk to a lady I'm interested in, thus the crux of my problem goes away. Until the next morning, that is.

 

Masturbation is an avoidance thing. Yes its good to have fun with yourself and you have to be able to pleasure your self and feel sexy with yourself before you can with anyone else.

 

But masturbating especially if its coupled with fantasy and/or porn is a way of escape/avoidance. You probably do it when your bored or frustrated? Well its not dealing with the underlying issues of why you are bored/frustrated. Its only taking you away.

 

Do you feel that your needs will be met by masturbating? Would you feel that your needs would be better met with something else?

[CynicalGuitarist]

Masturbation is an avoidance thing. Yes its good to have fun with yourself and you have to be able to pleasure your self and feel sexy with yourself before you can with anyone else.

 

But masturbating especially if its coupled with fantasy and/or porn is a way of escape/avoidance. You probably do it when your bored or frustrated? Well its not dealing with the underlying issues of why you are bored/frustrated. Its only taking you away.

 

Do you feel that your needs will be met by masturbating? Would you feel that your needs would be better met with something else?

 

yeah, I wanna stop doing it, but it's hard when it's one of the only things keeping me relaxed and that I've been doing it alot for a really long time. It's like a nicotine phene trying to quit smoking, if not a little worse.

[tylercdurden2004]

yeah, I wanna stop doing it, but it's hard when it's one of the only things keeping me relaxed and that I've been doing it alot for a really long time. It's like a nicotine phene trying to quit smoking, if not a little worse.

 

The only way is to stop doing it by setting a goal for yourself. Say I will only masturbate with myself when I am feeling sexy as opposed to whipping it out when you have nothing better to do.

 

But you have to deal with what is making you feel like escaping. If you are bored then why is that? Are there other more useful healthy ways to keep yourself from being bored to reduce frustration.

 

I am by no means against masturbation or porn but it does create unhealthy patterns when it becomes the escape from reality.

 

Why are you afraid to find a woman who meets your needs in life? (not just sexually). What fear holds you back?

[ProtestTheHero]

CG, I'm pretty much the same way. I used it for the majority of my teenage life as a girl substitute, and it worked surprisingly well. I think it's a lot easier to just do it yourself than finding a girl, even though I have had a girlfriend now for months (Haven't had sex with her though, it's a lot easier when the only person you can disappoint is yourself). Flying solo is just a lot less complicated - you don't have to worry about being inadequate, not living up to some girl's standard, or dealing with sexual frustration.

 

BUT, if you want to quit, I think the only way you can do that is by eliminating spare time at first. That should kinda force you not to do it, and then once enough time has passed it's no longer a habit. I think I quit for a year once to try and deal with my girl related issues/insecurities, but it didn't work and I gave up.

 

Here's to hoping you have better luck, my friend.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think I quit for a year once to try and deal with my girl related issues/insecurities, but it didn't work and I gave up.

 

 

Simply stopping wont solve the problem. Masturbating to avoid reality is no different that drinking to avoid reality, working to avoid reality. They are all symptoms and not the causes. If you stop mastubating but dont deal with the cause ie insecurity, fear, whatever issues bring these fears and securities then something else will take the place of masturbating.

 

The point is not to stop masturbating but to stop using masturbation/porn as a release or avoidance technique to channel that energy into something more productive.

 

Both of you might gain something from reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Porter. Its a great book that outlines some things you can do in yoru life to try to take control of yourself and to starting getting what you need/want.

[ProtestTheHero]

TylerC, you are right. I know what my problems are, but I lack the will power/mental capacity to dig myself out. Everytime I try something major happens and then you have to deal with failing again, and this happens until doing nothing becomes less painful. Don't wanna hijack the thread so I won't speak too much more on that.

[tylercdurden2004]

TylerC, you are right. I know what my problems are, but I lack the will power/mental capacity to dig myself out. Everytime I try something major happens and then you have to deal with failing again, and this happens until doing nothing becomes less painful. Don't wanna hijack the thread so I won't speak too much more on that.

 

 

To be honest the book I recomended is a good start. It can help see soemthings you may have missed and gives you exercises which can help you break the patterns that lead to these symptoms. I really would take a look at it. Its only 200 pages easy to read and is not full of BS airy fairy crop. And its under $20. A good investment.

[CynicalGuitarist]

The only way is to stop doing it by setting a goal for yourself. Say I will only masturbate with myself when I am feeling sexy as opposed to whipping it out when you have nothing better to do.

 

But you have to deal with what is making you feel like escaping. If you are bored then why is that? Are there other more useful healthy ways to keep yourself from being bored to reduce frustration.

 

I am by no means against masturbation or porn but it does create unhealthy patterns when it becomes the escape from reality.

 

Why are you afraid to find a woman who meets your needs in life? (not just sexually). What fear holds you back?

 

I don't think "fear" is the correct terminology. Let's just say women are usually nothing but incredibly cruel towards me.

[Cardinal]

I never did it quite so often.

 

But the thing that really made me downplay the need for masturbation was simply having actual sex and doing it frequently. For me it is a kind of satisfaction that I was missing entirely (being able to please a female...you can't so much do that when you are alone). Knowing you can get off via blowjob, intercourse, masturbation (and use variety there too) really helped me not be caught up on any one thing.

 

You need some sort of outlet for the urges. Greater satisfaction when you actually do it can obviate the need for such frequent masturbation. At least it did for me by having more sex. I definitely don't recommend doing anything to specifically lower hormone levels or sex drive. So the other end of the spectrum as I see it is to explore everything you are interested in one thing at a time and go for variety.

[CynicalGuitarist]

But how can I do that when no woman really wants anything to do with me?

 

I guess I put the final quote on the bottom of my signature for a reason.

[Shin kensen]

re: "chronic wanking"

 

Lol you guys ever talk about this stuff with real people? Because everyone does it. Ive been doing it every day since before I could cum, when I was around 12. It's so normal, back in the day you could whack off 5 a day and it was an easy ride.

[Scare]

i was a chronic masturbater too.. i started at i believe 15 and im 24 now. ive dont it ALOT in those past years.. But as you get older and when you have a girlfriend it starts to fade away.. like i have a girlfriend right now.. and i only masturbate.. once every week. maybe not even that. Becuse when you do get a girlfriend you have sex.. which is 10x better.. and you wont have the feeling to masturbate.

[tylercdurden2004]

re: "chronic wanking"

 

Lol you guys ever talk about this stuff with real people? Because everyone does it. Ive been doing it every day since before I could cum, when I was around 12. It's so normal, back in the day you could whack off 5 a day and it was an easy ride.

 

The point is not that its not normal. The point is that doing it excessively and doing it to fantasy and porn are doing for the wrong reasons.

 

We are sexual beings and many men are ashamed of that. Having sex with a woman is much better that flogging the dolphin. Having sex with yourself and getting to understand yourself is much better that wanking to some girls getting railed on TV.

 

Masturbation is healthy and normal. However when it becomes a replacement for normal activities such as workingout, having sex etc it does become a problem.

 

Many men, myself included have resorted to masturbation when bored for instance. I think there are better things to do when I am bored that masturbating.

[tylercdurden2004]

Gong by your last post (and I guess this whole thing) you need to really work on your confidence. You need to work on your inner self and when that is all straight you will find people (women) will be attracted to you. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder about previous experiences with women and that is only going to repel them (we can sense stuff like that). Just relax, learn to like who you are and the women will come lol (no pun intended hehe)

 

We aren't all cruel...

 

Excellent points.

[sao2]

That's a problem? I actually masturbate more when I am sexually active, unless of course my girl is willing to please me 6-7 times a day.

 

Like others have said, as long as it doesn't interfere with your normal life then you should be allright.

[cleo_gurl]

Find a girl to do it for you!! Hey it makes you feel good right so why stop haha but you can't be doing it 5 times a day cuz your balls will need a rest after awhile and plus if you give it a couple of days then do it... it will feel alot better

[Hopeisthegreatestorment]

Masturbation is an avoidance thing. Yes its good to have fun with yourself and you have to be able to pleasure your self and feel sexy with yourself before you can with anyone else.

 

But masturbating especially if its coupled with fantasy and/or porn is a way of escape/avoidance. You probably do it when your bored or frustrated? Well its not dealing with the underlying issues of why you are bored/frustrated. Its only taking you away.

 

Do you feel that your needs will be met by masturbating? Would you feel that your needs would be better met with something else?

 

 

Yeah, its definitely an avoidance behavour which is a valid point. Like CG i've had some cruel comments about my sexual performance on occasions and in way, its easier to release your sex drive through masturbation. Your under no aniexty to perform. I've never had a chronic problem, say when i'm single i might masturbate 2-3times a week max.

 

The big philosophical question is; what is normal? following everyone else. If a person is fearful, yet more contented leading a different life...then who am i to argue. For some people, like CG, masturbation might be the way forward. If he feels women are generally cruel toward him....he's always going to be stuck in the mindset that masturbation is better than an emotional relationships. Stil i agree, that not all people are cruel, its about finding the right person.

 

If you take pavlov and his dogs and learnt helplessness. Everyone has a threshold of just giving up. So many bad experience and no more pain for me... i'll take the easier option and in this case, masturbation. Not everyone can fit this cultural ideals and lets me honest.. we do live in a very shallow and superficial world.

 

Just my 50cents. thx for the book recommendation, i'll try and order it in the next few days. Cheers.

[tylercdurden2004]

For some people, like CG, masturbation might be the way forward. If he feels women are generally cruel toward him....he's always going to be stuck in the mindset that masturbation is better than an emotional relationships.

 

i'll take the easier option and in this case, masturbation. Not everyone can fit this cultural ideals and lets me honest.. we do live in a very shallow and superficial world.

 

Just my 50cents. thx for the book recommendation, i'll try and order it in the next few days. Cheers.

 

 

Sure but if you always take easy road you never learn anything.

[Shin kensen]

The point is not that its not normal. The point is that doing it excessively and doing it to fantasy and porn are doing for the wrong reasons.

 

We are sexual beings and many men are ashamed of that. Having sex with a woman is much better that flogging the dolphin. Having sex with yourself and getting to understand yourself is much better that wanking to some girls getting railed on TV.

 

Masturbation is healthy and normal. However when it becomes a replacement for normal activities such as workingout, having sex etc it does become a problem.

 

Many men, myself included have resorted to masturbation when bored for instance. I think there are better things to do when I am bored that masturbating.

 

There's nothing psychological about wanking. You just do it because you're horney. I have read so many questions to sexologists about this. And all of them say the same - "if it's not interfering with any of your normal activities, then there's no problem".

 

It becomes unhealthy when you start to skip class to masturbate, when you'd rather wank than go out with friends, it becomes unhealthy.

[tylercdurden2004]

There's nothing psychological about wanking. You just do it because you're horney. I have read so many questions to sexologists about this. And all of them say the same - "if it's not interfering with any of your normal activities, then there's no problem".

 

It becomes unhealthy when you start to skip class to masturbate, when you'd rather wank than go out with friends, it becomes unhealthy.

 

People wank for all sorts of reasons. Its "normal" and "healthy" to do. However as you have stated if it starts to interfere with other aspects of your life such as:

 

• Your sex life.
  
• Your work life.
  
• Exercise.
  
• Socializing.
  
• Doing your homework.

Unfortunately the idea that its normal healthy behaviour seems to overcome the fact that like any normal healthy behaviour too much does take away from other parts of your life.

 

Orgasms also release the feel good chemicals which is why some people tend to mastubate when bored etc. Not much different that turning to anything else that "makes" you feel good in times of difficulty.