He has a son....

[Ktgurl04]

I'm not sure what I hope to gain from posting this here, but....

 

Ok, so I'm taking a summer class at a local college. Not at my college, but just at local college for credit so I'll be gone when the summer ends. Anyways, there's this guy in my class that I really like. We started studying together for the exams and I've gotten to know him and like him. We knew each other for several weeks before he asked me out on a date and I agreed.

 

Everything was great, we really connected. But then he took me back to his apartment and introduced me to his son who's 2 years old and some moths. I'm 21, he's also 21 so there's not an age gap between us. But he has a son. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. He has custody of the boy by the way, so his son lives with him. The mother only sees him every so often, she's not a big part of his life at all.

 

I know it's really early thinking about this, but even though i really like him, I'm not sure I'm ready to have his son in my life. I know this is really selfish of me. And I know I'm never going to be his mom or anything, and I know, we just started dating, it's not even a relationship yet. But it might be a relationship eventually. I'm not sure what to do.

 

Part of me wants to continue dating him and the other part wants to stop. I don't want to tell him the reason I can't see him anymore is because of his son who is such a big part of his life. But it kinda makes me a mother figure doesn't it? I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. Also like i said, I'm only home for the summer, then I'm going back to school in the fall so I'm not sure if it's worth it. Relationships are hard esp long distance ones and it just makes if even more difficult if there's a baby involved.

 

I'm sorry I rambled on and on. It's kinda confusing I know. But any advice would be appreciated.

[ResonanceTheory]

Take it easy, date him casually. As my mother says..."be his friend"...and then, if you believe that either of you want to take it to the next level...you will then have to consider things, be open with him and tell him how you feel. But as for now, you're jumping the gun. If you don't want to date a man with children, that's one thing....but just cause you date him, you don't have to marry him or even be his girlfriend. casual dating is still allowed in these parts, I believe.

[Ktgurl04]

I know I'm probably the only one who thinks this, but I don't casual date. I tend not to date someone unless I'm relatively sure it will lead to a relationship. But you're right, I'm thinking way too far into the future.

[ResonanceTheory]

I don't think you're the only one who thinks that way, but I do think you're in store for a lot of disappointments if you do. Why get so serious with someone that you just met, invest all these deep emotions in someone that you don't know only to find out later that you're not compatible and not happy in the relationship?

Try being friends first, or dating, taking it easily emotionally before taking the plunge.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If you know you're leaving in a few months, you can either have fun dating, or else tell him you don't want to do the long distance thing in the fall after you start school, so better not to start up now...

 

but then any guy you start dating, the relationship may be over in a couple months... you don't know from day one that it will work out, so i'd just have fun for a couple months and see where it goes! he may not want a really long term relationship either, and you can meet him out in situations where his son isn't involved, since you'll only be dating for the summer.

[BornToResist]

EEK!

 

There is NOTHING wrong with dating a person with kids. I dated a guy for 3 years who had a kid. Now I'm single and have a kid.

 

BUT. It's a big ol' red flag that he introduced you to him that quickly. I didn't meet my ex's kid until he was certain about me and that we would have a relationship...and I cannot imagine introducing a guy to my kid when he's a little older (he's too young to know much now). So that strikes strange in my mind. Kids get attached VERY quickly and when someone is around for a while and they get to know them and then they just go away, they don't understand. My ex's kid still calls me and wants to see me all the time.

 

Secondly, yes, it does make you a type of "mother" figure. This kid WILL look up to you. There really isn't getting around that.

 

Since you do like the guy, I would tell him that you DO like him, but you want to make sure things are more serious between you two before you get attached to his son.

 

I know I would respect a person more for that.

 

Good luck...