dark days of NC....

[heynowwww]

Did anyone else experience something like I am. I have read on here that for many people each day of NC gets easier. I have found at this point I feel awful, worse than I have so far. How long did it take those who have come out of it to want to go out and enjoy things again. Tonight all my buddys are going out but with the lack of sleep I have been getting I just want to stay in and try to get some rest. The weird part is I know she is not a great person and do not want her as she is toxic. I have met a new girl but dont feel I can give all of myself to her at this point. First Love what a pain haha.

[EricAK]

The only "advice" I could possibly give is this:

 

In regards to the new girl, go slow. If it is real it will allow the passing of time to grow properly, AND this sets you up for emotional health and safety.

 

Second, if you aren't ready to go out with your friends, you simply aren't ready to go out with your friends. It sucks I know. I am there right now, but you need to heal first. A game face only fools a very few people on the OUTSIDE, you simply cannot lie to yourself.

 

As much as I hate this word, the only things that will work is time. That is it. Nothing more and nothing less than time.

 

Let it happen.

 

Eric

[Murasaki]

Many times it gets worse before it gets better. Many times you feel like you're taking a step back . . . but then you just take two steps forward.

 

I've felt what you're feeling, knowing that your ex can be or is toxin to you, yet they could still hit you with an 18-wheeler and you'd long for them. Such are true feelings I guess. Just take pride in knowing that your feelings were real and not selfish, and keep on keepin' on.

[Coyote9]

Did anyone else experience something like I am. I have read on here that for many people each day of NC gets easier. I have found at this point I feel awful, worse than I have so far. How long did it take those who have come out of it to want to go out and enjoy things again. Tonight all my buddys are going out but with the lack of sleep I have been getting I just want to stay in and try to get some rest. The weird part is I know she is not a great person and do not want her as she is toxic. I have met a new girl but dont feel I can give all of myself to her at this point. First Love what a pain haha.

 

 

I don't recall your story exactly heynow....how long has it been since the breakup and NC...a few months at the most I would guess. So many people expect this stuff to pass quickly, but it doesn't. Even the veterans who have been on here for years will tell you it took many months, sometimes more, to really get ourselves back. Think about when your body is severly injured, the first reaction of your body is to go into shock, to literally slow the systems of your body down so you don't bleed to death or do any more trauma to those parts that have been badly injured.

 

We are at that place now. Especially as the initial shock wears off and we really understand the our ex's are gone and feel that loss in a real and sustained way as we let go of any hopes they'll come back and "rescue" us from these horrible feelings.

 

You did the right thing by not going out if you don't feel up to it. I'm at 3 months out and I still can only go our a few nights a week to where there are crowds and the single scene going on. I went on a dinner date last night and was very happily home by 10. This new woman invited me in and I simply said I was tired and went home....she's cute too! But I'm not ready, about the only company I can handle on a regular basis is my yellow lab.

 

It's important also that you've realized how toxic this woman and your relationship was for you. I'm just finally seeing that piece, after months of denial and finally some anger, at both myself and at her. Getting sick and tired of her and of this says you're well down the road, even as you still feel a lot of pain and not yourself yet. Continue to use this time to reflect and to rest. I know from past situations that this period of "withdrawl" after a breakup is often the most profound growth experience I ever go through...almost lke I become my own best friend and gain a much deeper understanding of who I am and what my life means.

 

 

You're in the middle of it and it seems dark but really you're just getting used to seeing without light for awhile....and the things you will discover will be amazing.

[reiny]

I'm on day 62 of complete NC (stopped all contact immediately after the breakup) and it certainly ain't getting any easier. I'm a complete mess. But I'm sure I'll be worse if I had to contact her.

[andy5128]

Hi Heynoww

 

NC is a journey mate. It differs for us all. I feel better after doing just over 2 months but I still think of her but less often and more importantly less intense. There is no golden rule on healing everyone is different it takes as long as it takes kinda thing.

 

I have my off days don't we all.. Stick in there it will get better..

 

Andy

[asdfg123]

Yea but sometimes when u fool people on the outside...u eventually fool urself. Of course...I have not done that...bc I have not tried to fool people on the outside. I should though. After a while I think you will believe u r okay etc. I am trying to go no contact. Its very hard. My ex was making a lot of effort...texts, calls, emails, msn chats...obviously not every day...but every 2-3 days. I felt bad talking w him bc he seemed so fine and happy...while i felt miserable...even though i pretended to be all fine. I told him I did not want to talk to him anymore...he said he understood that I wanted no contact for a while. He emailed me like a day later some lame email just like two sentences and hoping i was well. Then I heard nothing from him...I got week a few days later and chatted w him a bit on msn. I hate the fact that he is so fine while ive been so unhappy. No contact is the hardest thing ever...but I guess we have no choice....bc talking to ur ex does not get u anywhere...except making them feel good bc they can have their cake and eat it too...talking to u still while they move on and ate arounde etc

[SuperDave71]

Heeeyyyyynow...

 

 

I am sorry you are feeling worse. I really do understand where you are coming from. I felt the same thing and I will tell you why. Years ago when I started NO Contact. I used it for the wrong reasons. My idea was to use reverse psychology. Needless to say, it didn't work. I was trying to get my ex back with NC and not tryong to get ME back.

 

I know what you may be thinking. I am sure somewhere deep down you want to convince us all that you ARE doing NC for you but I must interject and say this..

 

**Until you believe that you can get you back and completely take the focus off your ex...then and ONLY then will you start to let go and feel better. **

 

Sometimes people are so afraid to let go, that they don't. If you look at letting go of a tree limb high above the ground and you let go....you will fall and probably get hurt. My question to you is this, are you hurt already? The sooner you let go....and fall...it is possible that the thousands of us here in this forum can "catch you". We can help you but we can't if you DON'T HELP YOURSELF.

 

NC starts with you. I don;t care what you may assume...It starts with you. I did the same thing you did years ago and until I let go....did I begin to heal. It took some time...but I am the better man not only for myself...but to others.

 

Learn to believe in yourself and nothing can stand in your way.

 

Put yourself first and realize that you can do anything you want if you put you mind to it.

 

 

You can do it...

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[heynowwww]

Thank you all for the responses,

 

I am doing no contact in order to try and get myself back but I do still hope she would call. It is strange because I do not want to be back with her but for some reason I still have this hope. I wish I did not have it. I am doing my best to let go. if you do not mind me asking what did it take other to let go or how did you go about doing it? I am just somewhat lost I have never been in this situation before. I am trying to better myself and get out of this rut and I thank you all again for the advice.

[Weeblie]

Sometimes you need to muck around in the misery until you reach a point where you're sick of it. Perhaps even angry at it. Then that's when NC gets easier. You'll be so tired of the miserableness that you'll just start doing things to make it better.

[heynowwww]

I can definitely see myself coming closer to that point. I just want to enjoy myself again. The good thing about this whole situation is that ive learned more about myself than I ever did while I was with her. I am very hard on myself sometimes I think.