heynowwww Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 found out today the ex changed her number. I dont want to call her and wouldnt but man does it sting for some reason. I thought I was getting better but I guess I still has some hopes of her calling me again someday. When somebody changes their number then you know they really dont want anything to do with you is my thinking. I know she is not good but it still hurts. just venting. Link to comment
Dako Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Yeah, some of those small symbolic things can bite. My ex changed her locks and asked for my garage clicker. Unimportant but it stang. Link to comment
friscodj Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Hey heynowwww- I know this hurts, but sometimes the bad news is actually good news in the sense it helps punch through the holding pattern denial has you in. Underneath the pain, this is a kick you very well may need to get going on the right track here. The next step is cutting of that channel where you learned of this. You are holding your heart to the frying pan here by continuing to gather information about her doings. You are best to not find out anything else about her. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Yeah, it sucks. But maybe it will help you to move on. I've changed my number on a CRAZY ex before. But that was only because he wouldn't leave me alone. Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 The next step is cutting of that channel where you learned of this. You are holding your head to the frying pan here by continuing to gather information about her doings. You are best to not find out anything else about her. Excellent advice ... my downfall was MySpace blogs restricted to friends only. When it comes to an ex ... what you don't know can't hurt you!!! Zack. Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 I know I would rather not know. I also have friends who text me every time they see her out which pisses me off also. I cannot wait to get over this emotional attachment. my mind is still wrapped around her it drives me crazy. Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 I've made it a point, at 100 days out from my breakup, to not have any current information about my ex, zilch. There's nothing I can know about her now that will help me and plenty of things I could learn that would hurt. I'm sorry you had to find out about this, it is one of those things that messes with the mind and with the self esteem. Cut all ties, not just contact but information and you will be glad you did. She's a ghost and has no more bearing on you than someone who lived 10,000 years ago. Gone... Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 I just am sick of feeling so weak. I keep telling myself to get over it and have been seeing other girls but I just cant seem to get out of this rut. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 found out today the ex changed her number. I dont want to call her and wouldnt but man does it sting for some reason. I thought I was getting better but I guess I still has some hopes of her calling me again someday. When somebody changes their number then you know they really dont want anything to do with you is my thinking. I know she is not good but it still hurts. just venting. How did you find this out? Were you phone stalking her? Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 no I saw a friend of hers at the bar who I am friendly with who told me about it Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 It sounds crazy, but if you want to heal stay away even from her friends. In time, you'll be ok and can handle being out with them again. People sometimes are prideful at this and basically say things like "I can go where I want, it's not just her town." We're talking about your recovery from this here. Develop an NC battle plan, right down to picking your routes and activities purposely to avoid her at all costs. I guarantee you'll recover faster and will no longer feel weak but in fact regain some self regard and power through your actions of self care. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 How long ago did you break up? Also, how long were you dating her for? Link to comment
friscodj Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 no I saw a friend of hers at the bar who I am friendly with who told me about it Yeah, there's nothing you can do about that. Make sure you tell someone who starts down this path in the future that you don't want to know. Nothing productive can come from knowledge of her doings. Maybe some more kicks of reality, but you don't need anymore of those... I know you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, angry at yourself for feeling weak, that's OK, that's normal. The situation has beaten you up enough, you don't need to add to the beating here. The situation is what it is and feeling bad you feel bad is only making you feel more bad. The best thing you can do is look to the sky, smile, throw two middle fingers in the air, and say, "Yep, I'm messed up. Here I am. Bring it." Accept it instead of fighting within yourself anymore. Just keep going buddy. You took a big step forward with this knowledge that she is really gone. There's nothing to read into here. She's gone. That step is done. The next step is try to find thing to keep your ming busy and your days full. Let time do its thing and take it easy on yourself buddy. Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 we dated for 3 and a half years, the next part is pathetic. we have been broken up and back and forth for over a year. she has been dating an older man for about a year now and we just stopped hooking up about a month ago. I found this site and cut contact with her about 2 weeks ago. I know i have handled the situation terribly. Everytime I would initiate no contact she would call me saying she wanted to work things out blah blah blah. I have lost a ton of confidence and respect for my own self thru this situation. I guess I have to learn the hard way. Link to comment
friscodj Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 I guess I have to learn the hard way. We've all learned the hard way buddy and guess what? You'll heal, you'll get over this, but the wisdom you gained here about life, love, and yourself will remain. What that means is you'll come out of this better than how you went into it, and do so with a heart and soul free from someone not for you. You don't feel it right now, but the reality is you did what you had to do, it's done, the ramifications are temporary, and brighter days lie ahead. It just takes time and distance. Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 I know I cant wait for the day I can laugh about my antics Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 we dated for 3 and a half years, the next part is pathetic. we have been broken up and back and forth for over a year. she has been dating an older man for about a year now and we just stopped hooking up about a month ago. I found this site and cut contact with her about 2 weeks ago. I know i have handled the situation terribly. Everytime I would initiate no contact she would call me saying she wanted to work things out blah blah blah. I have lost a ton of confidence and respect for my own self thru this situation. I guess I have to learn the hard way. I'm guessing that she was/is your first love. Okay, that's great and all, but that in no way means or even suggests that she will be your only love. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Painful as it may be, heartache is a temporary phenomenon. One day you wake up and it's gone. Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 yeah it was my first serious relationship what a mess of a way to end it but oh well. I guess it shows a lot about her character. Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Hi Heynow! Sorry to hear of your heartache! It's tough I know - my first serious relationship ended in a bit of a mess too! It took me about 2 full years to get over it fully and I dated no one during that recovery period as I must admit, I really couldn't truly "give" to anyone except myself! I spent that time doing things I loved and following a career path that was my dream. I recently saw him and I seriously quizzed myself on why I wasted so much time (5/6 years) on him! I was scratching my head wondering what had I found attractive in him! Needless to say, I couldn't find the answers! I think in relationships, we can be stubborn individuals. We have placed so much energy, thoughts, actions, hopes and time into someone and it seems a little like "giving up" when we "throw in" the towel. Break-ups are growth experiences and without my three major breakups in my life, I can unequivocably say, I would not be the strong person I am now! Hope you feeling better...as it DOES get better, I promise! Hugs Link to comment
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