Question for guys about PMS

[caro33]

I am obviously coming in late to this thread, but my reading of the 13 pages to this point has been that we're all talking about behaviour that's not really been defined. I find myself agreeing with completely divergent perspectives based on how I choose to perceive PMS.

 

I agree that if we are talking about a woman being truly nasty, say calling her partner a cretin or purposely trying to hurt him verbally or physically, then I think some control can be exercised. Just like all the other situations people have raised, such as chronic pain, a bad experience etc, this kind of PMS might make you want to be horrible but there's not really a greater excuse for it in my mind. But perhaps we are not talking about that kind of PMS, not really. Why don't we ask before we assume the OP and others are just choosing to behave badly?

 

In contrast, if we're talking the other aspect of some people's PMS, the inward experience; the depression, the thin-skinnedness where you truly perceive things differently, the hopelessness, then I completely disagree that control and just sucking it up does all that much. Yeah, some things can help, but in the same way they might alleviate some of the symptoms of other major brain chemical disorders - sometimes this is help only to a limited degree. You can smile and be nice, but still feel so hurt, so alone, so completely in the throes of panic/sadness/frustration. This might make you more prone to impatience, but I have to say that as long as you do your utmost to keep yourself nice, some understanding and forgiveness from loved ones may still be in order.

 

I never had PMS much, then it hit me when I was around 30. My entire brain chemistry changes now for a few days, two weeks before I menstruate. So maybe it's an ovulation thing, who knows. I feel terrible and sometimes it feels just like when I was clinically depressed many years ago. Now I do my best to be patient with people around me, and I am not nasty to people. I am more inclined to make mountains out of molehills though -I take things very much to heart and get sad. No exercise, no food changes, no advice from doctors has helped. I was going to change my Pill but then came off it instead - what do you know, it all got heaps worse.

[TANKGRL]

I completely agree with this post and your previous one! You have a GREAT head on your shoulders girlie!!

[TheFoglifter]

... maybe she really felt that statement was true, and because of PMS, her inhibitions were lowered."

 

Why does she have to wait until her inhibitions are lowered to express her anger? If she is upset and withholding it she has a bigger problem.

 

Its been suggested several times (and I've heard it personally too) that women hate when men dismiss over the top emotions as "oh she's PMS'ing". Consider though that if you make hiding your emotions until your period, then technically its a valid assumption! If A = B (she is on her period and she gets mad) then B = A (she is mad, so she must be on her period).

 

... one is saying your symptoms and your PMS are NOT legit. No one is saying that your boyfriends are NOT understanding."

 

I want to assert my agreement with this statement.

 

... I had a boyfriend for a day, or a week, or two weeks every month got in a mood due to hormones where he yelled at me, picked fights with me, was critical and so forth.....and said it was out of his control.....I would say that after months my self esteem would plummet, along with my intimacy and affection for him. In fact, I bet if I posted that he did that, I would be told unequivocally it was emotional and verbal abuse and be told to walk out."

 

Excellent!

 

... pont was to see if men are sympathetic or not."

 

I think you've found that men are sympathetic to a point, and I think you've found that sentiment to be shared.

 

- Yes we know it comes with the territory.

- Yes we know it pains you (some more than others)

- But there comes that point where we start to get sick of it.

 

After a certain point, excuses, no matter how valid, become excuses. "I had to work late", or "You know money is tight right now" or "we just don't have time for that" and others just become a nuisance because the result is the same. As humans that is just what happens.

 

Krystal you totally skipped over the part of my post that torpedoed your point. You dismissed the facts that

 

1) Even if forewarned, you are not always forewarned to the DEGREE of which the problem is. As with the cell phone example, they tell you service isn't guaranteed, but they don't tell you just how bad it can get, and they AREN'T GOING TO!

 

So once again, just because you say (or we know, since we are adults) that women suffer from PMS, we don't know the degree, and by the time we find it out, you can't just say "well you know".

 

2) Even if it is a valid excuse, after a while, we get sick of it. We know full well its your body taking over for your mind, and we know that sometimes its very hard to control. But that doesn't mean we like it, and that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to get upset about it, forewarned or not.

 

... sadly mostly women included themselves in this and it seems as though women can be even LESS understandning than males, by assuming it is ALWAYS controlable and something we need to just lighten up about. I believe there are great men who understand, (such as my bf) and women too (like you)"

 

Krystal, I am sorry you didn't get the response you wanted. Welcome to life, where others opinions may be different.

[CarnelianButterfly]

to wait until her inhibitions are lowered to express her anger? If she is upset and withholding it she has a bigger problem.

 

Its been suggested several times (and I've heard it personally too) that women hate when men dismiss over the top emotions as "oh she's PMS'ing". Consider though that if you make hiding your emotions until your period, then technically its a valid assumption! If A = B (she is on her period and she gets mad) then B = A (she is mad, so she must be on her period).

No it is not.

That in no way makes all instances of anger PMS related.

The PMS pain and chemical imbalance only adds to aggitation, so its a good bet that they are more willing to give you a piece of their mind. But to extropolate that to all her anger is based on PMS is an obtuse logic, that just shows even less understanding.

[TheFoglifter]

You didn't understand what I said.

 

If you make a habit of ONLY divulging true anger during PMS, then someone is going to assume that when you DO divulge anger, it is because of PMS.

 

I don't agree with it of course, I'm just commenting on the way someone said a girl might wait until PMS to lower her inhibitions.