Do you think this is abuse???

[Krystal_Ivy]

Hello,

I've been seeing my sister-in laws kids more often and I feel so bad for them. they are petecostal so they don't allow their daughters to wear pants (I see pentecostal girls at my gym wearing skirts!) they will not let them cut their hair, and it's already down to their feet, they won't letr them sit by boys or swim with boys. and they won't allow them to watch tv or listen to music other than what their church allows (which is their own music) I mean I was raised in a strict hispanic houshold but This is almost over the line. Don't get me wrong, they are very sweet people and they mean well, but I kinda feel sorry for their kids, I mean the girls don't always want to wear skirts or don't always want crazy long hair, their only 8 & 6.

 

Being raised in a religion is one thing. And I think that's fine, if parents want to do that. I definatly will raise my children christian. But to restrict them from such natural harmless things...? I dunno I kinda find it somewhat mental abuse. What do you guys think??

[DN]

No - it is not abuse. I don't think it is wise but that is not the same thing.

[southerngirl]

I would not call it abuse but wonder about it. I have seen many families in the stores around here and they wear the very long skirts that totally hide their bodies. I admit that I often feel sorry for the daughters.

[Zackinlaw]

I agree ... not abusive. Perhaps extreme ... but then again, they probably see the secular society with all it's permissiveness as pretty extreme too. They have the right to enforce and instill their values on their children as they see fit and proper.

 

Zack.

[Aurian]

Wait... if a guy did this to his girlfriend or wife, it would be labelled abusive. "You can`t cut your hair, you must listen to the music I approve, you must dress like this and stay away from all other males or else."

 

Because it is a religion it is not?

 

I am curious, why do you not call it abusive? How about a religion that allows honor killings of women? Is that abuse?

[fnlyfrei]

I don't think it's abuse either. I think the point of some religions is to teach self-control, without giving the youngster free will while they live at home...I think the hopes are that when the child grows up, he/she will be less likely to feel comfortable living any other way...take the Amish or the Mennonites for example, or even middle eastern Burkas. None of that is abuse really, and most of the participants feel secure that way. If you cut their hair and put them in more modern, revealing clothes they would probably want to hide. It seems foreign to our american culture to do those things, but at the same time, how strange we must seem to certain people for walking around half-naked and sometimes flaunting our sexuality...something that they teach is very private and sacred..only for your husband in a marriage.

I don't feel we have to agree on a personal level, but I don't think it's abuse unless someone is being physically or mentally hurt or degraded for or because of their religion. Then it's not even a matter of the religion, those are basic human rights.

 

 

Good thought provoking thread Krystal !

[Zackinlaw]

Wait... if a guy did this to his girlfriend or wife, it would be labelled abusive. "You can`t cut your hair, you must listen to the music I approve, you must dress like this and stay away from all other males or else."

 

Because it is a religion it is not?

 

I am curious, why do you not call it abusive? How about a religion that allows honor killings of women? Is that abuse?

 

No it's not because it's religion ... it's because they are the parents. This has nothing to do with a b/f telling a g/f not to cut her hair ... when these kids are adults, they can make all their own decisions!!

 

If there was anything in the post that suggested actual abuse ... such as a clitorectomy ... of course my answer would have been different. Nothing she described comes close to that! It's just a strict religious upbringing!!!

 

Zack.

[BetterKarma]

I grew up going to a pentecostal church and I think your sister-in-law might be taking things too extreme.

 

The girls would always wear skirts on Sundays (I wore pants from time to time) but none of us were forced not to have haircuts not even the Sunday school teachers. We were separated from boys during Sunday school but that doesn't mean we couldn't play with them.

 

Unfortunately, it's not abuse, it's just the way of life that they have chosen for their children. Unless they are malnurished or physically/mentally abused there is nothing you can really do.

[BetterKarma]

No it's not because it's religion ... it's because they are the parents. This has nothing to do with a b/f telling a g/f not to cut her hair ... when these kids are adults, they can make all their own decisions!!

 

If there was anything in the post that suggested actual abuse ... such as a clitorectomy ... of course my answer would have been different. Nothing she described comes close to that!

 

Zack.

 

Agreed, it's different because that's the way of life choosen by the parents for their children to live by until they get older to chose for themselves. It's like being born into an Amish family that doesn't have electricity, internet, tv, or cars, it's the way that your parents choose to raise you but you will have a choice later on in life when you are legally an adult.

[Krystal_Ivy]

what's really weird to me is that there church is the biggest one here in sacramento where I live! it's like...huh? why would people wanna be involved in something sooo strict and confining? their church is enormous!

[BetterKarma]

I think some people take religions into extreme. Not all, I would say most pentecostal church followers are not like your sister-in-law.

[DN]

Wait... if a guy did this to his girlfriend or wife, it would be labelled abusive. "You can`t cut your hair, you must listen to the music I approve, you must dress like this and stay away from all other males or else."

 

Because it is a religion it is not?

 

I am curious, why do you not call it abusive? How about a religion that allows honor killings of women? Is that abuse?

His girlfriend or wife would be an adult and to control an adult like that would be abusive if she objected. But parents have a right to bring up their children in the religion of their choice providing they do not break secular law.

 

Which religion or country allows honour killings of women?

[Krystal_Ivy]

I think some people take religions into extreme. Not all, I would say most pentecostal church followers are not like your sister-in-law.

That is the belifes of the whole church, and from what I've studied that's what most pentecosts believe.

[BetterKarma]

That is the belifes of the whole church, and from what I've studied that's what most pentecosts believe.

 

Maybe the east coast is different from the west. I went to pentecostal church in NYC and they were not strict at all.

[Aurian]

DN - There is an issue with East Indian immigrants in British Columbia performing honor killings because their grown daughters do not wish to marry their selected husbands or have dishonoured them by dating or leaving an abusive man. I confess that I am not sure if this is a religious issue or a cultural one though...

 

I am not entirely sure if this is religious or not, but one RELIGIOUS example I am aware of involves "Bountiful" also in B.C. This is a religion that allows multiple marriages, and it is here women are married off to older men at a ridiculously young age, are prevented from getting an education. Young men are driven out of the community because the old, established and influential are marrying the women. However the government is unable to step in and percecute this group for polygamy and women's right abuses because it is a religion and the government fears that freedom of religion trumps the other freedoms.

 

Kinda makes me angry that religious right is used to justify some nasty things, both offically and unofficially.

[Zackinlaw]

Things are different in the US. Here, those practices would be illegal (bigamy and child marriage) because secular laws of general (non-religious) applicability trump freedom of religion.

[DN]

I think you will find that law enforcement officials have a duty under the constitution to prosecute anyone who breaks the law and in Canada honour killings, polygamy and forced marriage are against the law.

 

But these offences are a far cry from the sort of issues the OP talked about.

[Aurian]

Nevertheless, Bountiful continues to break the law and the government fears to bring them to court lest they lose due to the right to practice religion.

 

Anyways, I know what the OP is talking about isn't as strict/serious, but where is the line? Anything is okay as long as a law isn't being broken no matter how restrictive? Just wondering; I don't mean to cause any offense.