Do shy average looking balding guys stand a chance?

[mjctraider]

I am 25 average looking and losing my hair. I have never had a girlfriend and only had a date here and there, nothing that ever lead to a second date. My question is do guys like me who aren't the greatest looking, who are shy and losing there hair ever stand a chance at ever having a girlfriend? And please be honest, I really don't want to hear, "you just have to be patient" or anything like that. I've been patient long enough.

 

I wish I could just go up to a girl and say "Hi" or "How's it going?", but when you aren't the greatest looking and losing your hair, I tend to freeze up and avoid women.

 

My biggest problem is there is a girl I like and I want to ask her out, but I hardly know her and I hardly ever cross paths with her at work. Let's just say that it took about two months before I even found out her first name. I really don't know who her friends are so I can't ask them if she is seeing anyone or if she would be interested in me and I really don't trust anyone to go and ask her if she likes me and tell me what her response is. I know that sounds odd, but I know there are people out there that would lie to me or even try and ask her out and not tell me.

 

If anyone can give me advice on what to do I'd appreciate it, even if it means being so cruel as to rip my heart out and stomp on it.

[swtangel980]

of cource they can get a girlfriend, my boyfriend is losing his hair and everytime i look at him he seems to look better to me.. its the females you are choosing not you!!...dont worry you stand a chance, appearance isnt everything. make sure you take that into consideration. are the girls you are choosing concieted and based upon looks? if so, you may be putting this upon yourself. Keep your head up and feeling good about yourself it will happen when its supposed to!

[mjctraider]

The girls I tend to me interested in are based on looks, but it's not like I look for the hottest girl to ask out. The girl could be average looking. Even if there is a small percentage of me that finds a girl attractive I gain an interest in here and if she has a really good personality I want to get to know her more. so it's not like I'm looking for the hot girls. I am more interested in their personality, but I do have to be attracted to the girl, even if it's just a little bit to want to get to know her more.

 

My problem is that every girl I want to get to know more has a boyfriend and I'm too afraid to ask this one girl out and her telling me she has a boyfriend or some other reason she don't wanna go out with me. I mean I know if I don't ask I'll never know and could miss a chance, but when you've never had a girlfriend at the age of 25 and you just kind of lose hope. And every time I get my hopes up even a little bit I get hurt.

[swtangel980]

well everyone has to go thro a little hurt before finding the person they want to be with. You cant just expect to get a girl by standing on the sidelines, show her that you arent scared or intimidated, Confidence is so sexy. If she says no or she has a boyfriend tell her thanks and maybe yall could just be friends. Making a new friend is better than nothing at all. All girls have friends. Get her to hook you up with some of her friends. Theres so much you can try to get a girlfriend, as long as u respect her you should be alright. Be careful out there theres a lot of people trying to get feelings hurt. its tough but if you want something right you have to sort thro all the wrongs, EVerythings ok in the end, if its not OK its not the end!!(((words to live by)))

[MollyElise]

Here's some hope - I know this 24 y/o guy who didnt have a girlfriend his whole life, had tried moving, was social, things just never quite "fit". Last december he went on yet another internet date, and he met me =) we have been together since, moved intogether in May and are very happy. So keep on trying, it will happen when its right.

[mjctraider]

I wanna believe that when it's right it will happen, but everyday I lose more and more hope that it will happen. I've tried the internet thing and no one seems to be interested in me. So I figured I'd try the old fashion way.

 

I like this girl and want to get to know her more and if there could be something between us, but we might cross paths with each other maybe once every week or two so it's hard to get to know her. I don't want to ask around, because I don't want everyone knowing my personal business and I don't want her to be uncomfortable and like in one of my previous posts I don't want people lying to me or going up to her and asking her out on their behalf.

[Anamarie89]

you've repeatedly said your ugly, and that it makes you shy to be that way. well, there is only one thing you can do. tell yourself

"I give up! I refuse to hide in my hole! I will say hi to random people in the street, I will smile at everything, and I will shave my head if it bugs me that much!"

 

(i just recently had a conversation with one of my girl friends that bald guys are sexy. i mean, have you seen that one guy in smallville? ok, off-topic)

 

And then, after you say that, mean it. look for oppurtunities to talk to people, and stop differentiating between boys and girls. we're all just people. (until you go otu with them, of course)

[Natalia Dolce]

Well I, for one, think you should ask the girl out. I would give a shy, 20ish guy who is starting to lose his hair a chance! You might be the best catch out there for all I know. Some girls are going to be shallow, but any girl worth liking will not hold such things against you. Be confident, be friendly, be funny, be happy! Good girls look for qualities like that. And certainly there will be girls who find your physical attributes attractive as well. Just be confident, you have nothing to fear.

 

NATALIA

[lauralied]

Hey,

 

Don't doubt yourself. Try not to freeze up when you're about to go up to a woman and say HI. If you want, try speaking to women even when you aren't looking for a date, like say, at the grocery store. If there's a lady checking for good grapefruit next to you, SMILE and say something nice like, how are you doing today? or compliment her on something kind of neutral and non-sexual like, You have very pretty hair... or just make some other comment that you feel comfortable with. Most women will take friendliness in a positive way, and smile back at you and say something in return.

 

This way, you can gradually build your confidence dealing with women so that when you actually want to try asking someone out it won't be so foreign and scary. Also, by doing this you'll see that most people react to friendliness with more friendliness--and that initiating conversation is nothing to fear. You'll also realize that nobody's going to treat you like you're weird! Be confident! Best of luck.

 

Laura

[mjctraider]

I only wish it were that easy. I have tried in the past to just talk and say stuff like "Hi" and "How's it going?" and stuff like that, but I freeze up and chicken out, it don't help having aniety attacks either. I always think of what I want to say to the girl, (no cheezy one liners either), but I just see the girl and change my mind and walk the other way.

 

I think my biggest fear is that she will say yes and then find out I've never had a girlfriend and she won't be interested in me. I know I won't know if I don't try, but I'm tired of the disappointment time and time again.

[Mar]

Well, you're putting yourself in to a bind. You won't talk to people because you fear rejection, but you're alone because you won't talk to people! You can't have it both ways, my friend.

 

I completely understand anxiety attacks, have known several people who have them, my mother and my fiance included, and they're paralyzing. But no one can help you if you're too shy or too insecure to talk to a woman! Yes, rejection hurts, we ALL know that. But you're 25...and balding is NOT ugly. As one person said, shave your head, it IS attractive! (Unless you have a really oddly-shaped head......lol) But you HAVE to get out of your shell and break that chain you're putting around yourself. It doesn't mean rejection to simply say hello to someone. And not every single woman out there is attached, but you're not going to know that until you be a bit more confident in yourself and actually go after a possibility!

 

I'm not sure what else I can tell you...it's truly up to you. I'm quite sure you're not Quasimodo, you're intelligent, and know the basics of a starter conversation. Now you just have to DO it.....and if you fail, you try again. And again. And yet again. And eventually you WILL find that someone. It might sound like b.s., but there is someone out there for you, and you DO have to be patient. You might not LIKE it, but what are your options? To completely give up? I'd certainly hope not....

[Cid]

You sead that what if she finds out if you never had a girlfriend, she would probly think it is cute. I know this one from experince I am 21 never had a g/f my self. But I have started to see this girl and I told her that I have never kissed, or gone past the first date. She thought it was cute, we are not to gether yet becouse I am to shy (trying to fix that). I gave up right before I we met (please excues my spelling). I know you are going to be mad when I say Just give it time. You will find someone maby not today but some day. Well I hope this helps.

[mjctraider]

Well I just don't understand myself. I found myself flirting with this girl I know and it is not uncommon for girls that I am friends with for me to flirt with them, but I can be shy at times with them and there are times I am outgoing and talkative to them.

 

So I really just don't understand why I can flirt with them and they might flirt back and we talk, but if it ever came done to me asking them out it would take forever for me to do it, or I'd just freeze up. It would be nice to use the talkative side of me when it comes out to talk to people I don't know(especially girls).

 

I can recall one time that I was talking to a girl on the phone, whom I hardly knew, I think we talked on the phone once or twice before and this next time we talked we talked on the phone from 7:30 PM to about 6:15 AM. So I have no idea why I can be talkative at times and at times very quiet.

 

Another odd aspect is that eery now and then when I am at work I find myself having conversations with people I have never meet before and we talk like we've know each other. It's really odd, I just don't understand myself I guess.

 

I just wish I could harness that talkative side of me that comes out now and again with strangers and use it all the time and then maybe I can finally approach a girl, talk to them and ask them out with ease instead of taking weeks or months to ask them out.

[Natalia Dolce]

Don't think that your fluctuating comfort level with socializing is weird. In your last post it sounded like you were describing what I do. Just realize that everybody has their own way of doing things, including talking to the opposite (or same) sex or just being sociable. Some people are outgoing and not intimidated by anything. Others are quiet and prefer to avoid conversations. Then there is the wide spectrum that lies between. You, my friend, are somewhere in the wide range of normality, even if you feel like you are abnormal. Just do what is comfortable to you.

 

A workable way to change a behavior is to do it at your own pace, identifying what you did and didn't like about how you responded to a social situation, and then looking at how you'd like to be. It's difficult when you overanalyze your every move while you're in action. I understand how it feels, being hyperconscious of your words, your mannerisms, your appearance--everything that inevitably makes you lose confidence and feel like a social failure, and then want to clam up and walk away! But I encourage you to step outside of yourself and focus on the other person, rather than You. Don't concentrate so much on what you're going to say, or how you must appear to this person, or how they might be perceiving you. Just imagine that each person you meet is glad to be talking to you and likes you. Feigning confidence is just about as effective as actual confidence in these situations. If a person seems to be comfortable and cool on the surface, I know that I seem to subconsciously respect them more and be more receptive to what they say. So... even if you're burning up inside with insecurity or embarrassment, try your best to ACT like you're confident in yourself. You might be able to gain more confidence doing that, by the more positive and reassuring responses you'll receive. And if all else fails, remember, you're totally OK as is!! There's nothing wrong with being variably sociable. I bet there are many more people like that than we think.

 

NATALIA

[Cid]

I am a veary talkative person too and I have a problem asking girls out too. What I do is tell my self I will ask her out tonight/right now. Then just go for it, yea some times it every thing runs together but most of the time it comes out how I thought it would. There responce some tims is not what I would like to hear. When that happens act like you did not ask them out and be your self. Hope this helps.