Not sure what I am feeling right now

[medtranusa]

I started a long distance relationship over 2 months ago with a man just finalizing his divorce. He told me it was over about 2 years ago. I myself went through painful breakup about 3 years ago. We felt a connection right off and had a lot in common so we have stayed in touch with IM and web cams. The first couple times he came to visit me he was way off the charts and wanted to go too fast with things. I told him that the distance would force us to take it slow and that was probably a good thing. My life currently leaves me sometimes too much time to think about us and it hurts when I miss him. My feelings go up and down because of my past relationship I'm not sure I can trust my heart and definitely do not feel like it's love, but it could be. He also seems to be coming and going, up and down. Anyway he drove over and stayed the night. We finally made love and we were great together. He's afraid I'm going to get hurt and tells me he is dangerous right now. I on the other hand told him I'm not going to have to start over again in my life, so if I really get commited to someone I'm going to do it right this time. So we are both being cautious. I am trying to just enjoy it for what it is right now and not think about the risk I am taking here. I think I could hurt him too. Should I just back up from this situation? Neither one of us was looking for a relationship when we met, but neither of us wants to walk away. Anyone think I should go for self preservation here or just wait it out. We are both in our 40s, so we have both been through more than one bad longterm relationship.

[Scout]

He's afraid I'm going to get hurt and tells me he is dangerous right now.

 

He's right - you are and he is.

 

I spotted red flag after red flag in your thread. Don't you see these red flags, too?

[medtranusa]

I see the red flags but I am trying to just enjoy it for what it is, a connection between 2 people. I am actually starting to think it's codependent, come here, go away but not to that point on this level. We definitely both have those types of long-standing relationships in our past, or so I found out today when he told me about how his marriage of 12 years ended. I was so blown away because I knew right then why we had this attraction to each other.

[Scout]

I just don't see the odds in your favor at all, based on what you wrote in your first post and also based on what I've seen happen in similar situations time and time again. Whenever the guy exhibited such signs - i.e., rushing things then telling the woman he was afraid he would hurt her - 100% of the time, he ended up flaking out on her.

 

But I suppose anything is possible. You could be that one out of a million where it actually works out for you.

[medtranusa]

As long as I can keep my feet on the ground. Sometimes it's hard because he likes the romance part of things but he's only doing what feels good right now. I am really trying to maintain for myself and keep my cool with him. I just want to scream, of course you are going to hurt me! Sometimes it's almost like he wants me to plead with him, say I think I'm falling for you, but not going to happen. He was kissing me and looking me in the eyes, and says don't go there. I had to get him to explain that and that is when he told me he's too dangerous right now. What a trip.