I messed up.....

[heynowwww]

I screwed up and let her get into my heart again. She came around speaking about how were going to this and that yet she was still with her new bf. I was a fool and let my hopes get up. She has been staying at his house. Now she wants nothing to do with me. man I feel like crap. I am beginning to wonder how I am doing this to myself. how can I get over this?

[Coyote9]

Hang in there heynow....and don't beat yourself up. What you did was pretty natural. Even though we know it will cause massive pain, as dumpees we seem to feel a need to find out information about our ex's that only makes things much worse. Eventually, the pain you are feeling now will likely be a strong reason why you won't want to contact her or know about her in the future. I know that's the case for me, I finally decided that the pain of seeing her or knowing about her was worse than the pain of withdrawl by maintaining NC. Get back to NC and try to stay in the present. Hard as hell but it's all we've got. I'm two months out and still feel pain a lot of the time, but I self talk my way through it and manage to most days be ok. This does get better, slowly for most of us, if we stay away from our ex's and take care of ourselves.

Coyote

[fourfour]

For YOUR own mental well being my friend it doesn't matter who calls TIME

on this carry on but someone has to.

 

How can you get over this ?

 

I have been there my friend, I moved country for her, saw her financialy through Uni, etc etc and was left on my * * * * in a strange country with no friends or family with my 9 year old son devastated.

 

You will never ever move on unless you take one huge and difficult step by the balls

 

NO CONTACT :

 

Zero

Zilch

Nothing

Not a Sausage

Never

 

If she does contact you, nice and friendly BUT SHORT AND SWEET - GOODBYE.

 

As there are no kids involved you have a head start and more importantly you have a choice - Up to You

[heynowwww]

thanks for the replies, its just crazy last week she was talking about how we could do this if we worked things out and everything. I forgot the fact that she is a mess. I feel sorry for her bf. I am just fed up and feel like garbage but I let her in so I have to deal with it. I just want her out of my life forever.

[andy5128]

Hi Heynow

 

I agree with the majority here.. Disappear off the face of the planet mate.. Go no contact and dont look back.. You are playing with fire matey and your just going to keep getting burnt so onwards and upwards and all that..

 

Andy

[Coyote9]

Here's a quote from an old thread on NC that I found very helpful....

No Contact Is The Only Way!!!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

All this talk about No Contact is right on the money, nothing can help you heal, while at the same time, increasing your chances of reuniting with your ex, like going NC. Today is Thanksgiving, and it is a time when those of us who are hurting are longing to hear from the ex. Temptation is strong to contact them, but you must not do it. If they contact you, ignore it, knowing they are contacting you should make you feel good in itself, but don't send yourself tumbling downward by answering that call, it will only cause pain. Not contacting the ex during the holidays will send them a strong message. You must stick to this and not get weak, or you will find yourself back at the starting line again, dealing with all of your pain once more. Move on as best you can, take care of yourself, try to meet new people, and take your mind off things. No Contact is the best and only medicine for a broken heart, the only cure. After weeks or months of NC, you will find yourself healing nicely or even totally healed. One day, out of the blue, you will hear from the ex, and chances are they will be wanting to talk about more then the weather. Now suddenly the roles have reversed, and you are in control now. You may even find that you have no desire to even pick up that call, its magic, you are cured!!! If you do decide to listen to what the ex has to say, at least you will finally be talking to them with a clear head, thinking with your head and not your heart. Maybe at some point you will get back together, but on your terms, of course. No contact works wonders, don't underestimate the power of it people, use it, and be thankful for it this thanksgiving holiday!!!

[heynowwww]

thanks again all. no contact it is. i am going to find a relationship I deserve. Day 1, here we go haha. its the hardest thing but when she calls in a few weeks I will not answer. thanks again.

[Brownsville Girl]

Isn't it sad? NC is increasing chances for reuniting with ex.. And it is so true..

Becoming unavailable makes people "more attractive" while giving love and affection every day of relationship means nothing..

 

 

So true and so sad really

That articulates my fustration with N.C. well not with NC itself but the tendancies that it brings out in human nature.

[tomtommyboy]

Isn't it sad? NC is increasing chances for reuniting with ex.. And it is so true..

Becoming unavailable makes people "more attractive" while giving love and affection every day of relationship means nothing..

 

Great observation sagittarius...yes it is very sad. The saddest thing of all is that I recognise those tendencies in myself - wanting what I can't have etc.

[thelonelydoll]

I don't believe that the love and affection of an everyday relationship mean "nothing" to the exes. If the relationship was healthy, they know it and these things definitely mean something.

 

The best thing about NC is that it gives you the space to become more attractive to yourself, and give yourself love and affection.

[bar35]

heynooow how she treated you is inexcusable. it is a terrible thing to do to someone else, to lead them on as she did to you.

 

definitely fall off the face of the planet, mourn your loss, but feel some justifiable anger too.

 

To raise your hopes like that while she is sleeping with another is just rotten. You really are much better off without her.

 

I know that the pain is immeasurable right now, that the thinking is relentless and the emotional tides sweep you up in their pull but stay strong and stay away from her.

 

you mentioned that you know that she is messed up, keep that in mind, I have found that it does help to be able to reflect on the clear yet subtle problems within a relationship.

 

Good luck man. Really.

[heynowwww]

thanks Bar, I decided to turn this pain and loneliness into productiveness. I figure I can do things now I couldnt while with her. It is just sad that it took me to be utterly disgusted with her actions to finally realize she is toxic. She was so sweet, it is strange how someone can become so different. I will not let thi break me and a lot of it comes from the great insight I get from all the members here.

[thelonelydoll]

^^ glad to hear about your turning the pain into productivity, and above all, your resolve about not letting this break you!

[Wandering_Sword]

Time away from all of this can really help and NC is the way to go. Once NC is underway, you can truly discover all those things about yourself that may have been "hidden" when you were with her. Don't let minor setbacks like the one experienced get you down. It happens. But its what we can take away from this horrible experience that matters. Take care and we're all here for you.