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porn ruining my relationship


eliz50883

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I'm pregnant and about to deliver in about 2 weeks. My boyfriend and I have not been having sex. I've found him looking at porn .. pretty much everyday, before when we were having sex it was 3 or 4 times a day .. he was still looking at it. It bothers me A LOT. I know with pregnancy you can be over emotional and sensitive, but it seems to be an everyday thing. I feel like hes not interested in me anymore. He says would you rather have me out there having sex with other woman. I still have my sex drive .. i understand it can be weird .. the baby being right there, but hes there because of him. I honestly feel like his cheating on me when hes looking at it. I understand men look at porn .. but not obsessed. I don't want this end our relationship, but i don't know if i can put up with this for the rest of my life. please give me some advice.

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wouldn't let him get into a habbit of it.... otherwise when the kid's 12 and he discovers his/her dad's bed side cabinet full of odd DVDs and books.... it can prove rather disturbing..... not speaking from experience... of course.... :S

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its only disturbing to a kid if you arent open with sex in general...

 

OP: he really might not want to have sex with you in your present state... have you talked to him about it? and I mean TALKED, not blamed or become overly emotional...

 

just saying "you made this baby too, do have sex with me" isnt going to help anything...

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I don't think it's a matter of porn v.s. cheating. Have you offered to satisfy him in any way other than sex while you're pregnant? If he'd rather watch porn than do that, I think he has some problems and you two need to talk. I gave up a whole collection of porn when it bothered my girlfriend and I've only watched it occasionally since then.

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Have you spoken to him about how much this bothers you? If so, how does he respond?

 

Personally, as a guy, I think when your partner is pregnant she comes first in everything and nothing should be done that adds to the burden of carrying a baby. I think you need to have a really good heart to heart with him and tell him how this is making you feel.

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Have you spoken to him about how much this bothers you? If so, how does he respond?

 

Personally, as a guy, I think when your partner is pregnant she comes first in everything and nothing should be done that adds to the burden of carrying a baby. I think you need to have a really good heart to heart with him and tell him how this is making you feel.

 

agreed... totally, but the poor guy might not know whats expected of him, or what the OP wants...

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i've spoken to him many times about it .. he knows how much it bothers me. Last night was once again a big fight.. im so tired of fighting about it. He says hes going to "try" to stop watching/looking at it all the time. I hope he does .. and realizes theres more important things in life.

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I am sure he is only doing this for release so that he does not have to hound you while you are so far along. How often does he do this? have you talked to him about it?

 

I would not panic. I do not anyway shape or form think this is a substitute for you. In his mind it is his way of getting a release and not having to badger you like a horndog.

 

If the frequency is high, talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

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i've spoken to him many times about it .. he knows how much it bothers me. Last night was once again a big fight.. im so tired of fighting about it. He says hes going to "try" to stop watching/looking at it all the time. I hope he does .. and realizes theres more important things in life.

 

I hope he realises this too. It's worrying to me that this is something he would be "fighting" you about this when you are 2 weeks from giving birth. Do you suspect he may have an addiction, is it at that level?

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yes very much .. we haven't had sex in months. I want to very much .. and expressed that. He says its weird, which i kind of get. Its going to be at least a month a few weeks before we can again .. and i just don't want to deal with this porn issue any more. no he wouldn't get help .. he thinks its normal.

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well, it IS normal if he doesnt feel comfortable having sex with you when you are so far along.

how about having abath with him or soemthing? makinghim get used to the belly?

 

this isnt a porn issue, its an issue to do with the pregnancy.

 

also, if you fought about it, then you werent communicating properly, he NEEDS release, you cant fault him for it. Im not saying you dont have hte right to be upset (I would be) but you need to take matters into your own hands and change your communication tactics so that you actually talk, not fight.

 

if you bully him about the porn, then hes not going to care if you dont like it, AND you wont get sex.

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.. he thinks its normal.

 

There is no question that some men use porn, the size of the industry tells you that porn has a big market. And I certainly would not be one to say that the use of porn at a healthy level is a problem.

 

What's not normal to me is that with 2 weeks to go before you give birth and knowing this is upsetting to you, he cannot abstain from his habit to take that stress off you. Right now, I would not focus on the issue of him watching porn, I would focus on the issue of him doing so at a time when you really don't nneed to be stressing over this.

 

It's not normal that he cannot sacrifice his habit for the time being to support you with everything he has through the next few weeks at least.

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i've tried the bath tactic and shower .. hes just not interested. I completely understand he needs a release .. but i don't think he needs to be looking at porn for hours on end. Im not going to put up with it when theres going to be a child in the house .. it bothers me. I don't want him looking at it .. when my sons in the room with him.

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but i don't think he needs to be looking at porn for hours on end.

 

Yeah that's the problem. Quick physical release occasionally, no problem. Spending 3 or 4 hours a night trawling the web, problem. I wouldn't want such activity around my child either (though hopefully he would at least have the brains to never be looking at porn while children were in the room).

 

To me he sounds potentially addicted and I think you are going to need help to first get him to acknowledge he has a problem and second to do something about it. I don't think your current approach of telling him how much it upsets you is going to work.

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I don't think your current approach of telling him how much it upsets you is going to work.

 

It depends on how she does it I suppose...

Obvioiulsy, we cant know, but OP, REALLY look at how you handle the situation, and look at how you approach it...

 

I know I used to just come in accusing, and think I was talking, I never got anywhere... but you catch for flies with honey and all of that

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