Just caught my wife cheating

[i_love_chocolate]

I can't picture how painful it was for you to see your wife in bed with another man. I know it's hard to let her go because you love her, but I think that just like everyone here said, it has gone too far. Regaining the trust is almost impossible but you know yourself better than anyone else. If I were in your position, I would probably leave if I thought I couldn't trust her again.

[Atticus90]

I'm surprised you kept your cool. If I were in your situation, **** would of hit the fan and I would of went crazy and whooped his butt.

[iBroken]

This thread is like 3 years old......

[jahur]

its the beginning of the end really........once rot sets in thats it. i think when you ass of a brother in law stitched you up, it was on its way out. sorry for you? not sure, you did make the first move where infidelity is concerned. saying that two wrongs dont make a right!

 

keep it cool for your child and whatever you do make sure the child is not used as a tool to get at one another, i say this because my ex 5 years on is still playing this game at me, even though she vehemently promised she would never!!

 

good luck

[yeawutever]

This thread is like 3 years old......

Yes and nothing has been heard from the poster. If things had been worked out, I assumed the OP's triggers decreased or hysterical bonding took place at some point. I don't know.

[nutz76]

I just caught my wife in bed (literally) with my neighbor who is also her co-worker.

 

 

Is counseling worth it if we both agree to make the effort? Or are we too far gone?

 

In a few years you're going to kick yourself for even having to ask this question.

 

Obvious answer is obvious: Grow a pair and KICK HER TO THE CURB!!!

[jahur]

Yes and nothing has been heard from the poster. If things had been worked out, I assumed the OP's triggers decreased or hysterical bonding took place at some point. I don't know.

 

i see it as a nice update to his situ. is this classed as bumping?

[Hemorrhage]

I caught my ex husband cheating after 6 yrs of marriage. It was over for me the day I found out. I remained calm, asked him if he loved her, needed her, and if he slept with her, he replied "yes"... I replied back "ok that's all i need to hear" ..

 

I filed for divorce that same day!

 

I applaud you for this. I wish all people would handle these kinds of situations the same way.

 

Sometimes it just doesn't work out, and you need to move on. Personally for me, I know I'm FAR too young to even consider marriage, but if I caught my wife with another man in bed I would end it immediately. It doesn't mean I'm going to have a knock down drag out with the guy she's sleeping with, or my wife for that matter. There's no use in any of it. It's just alot of pain and stress that can all go avoided if you just simply do what Altoona did.

 

I also applaud you, OP, for being very controlled and brave about this. Not many men would have had the self control you displayed.

[Staple]

She's a bad person. Leave her.

[Circe]

I'm going to go against the grain and say if you both still love each other, then yes it is worth the effort to get back on track again. At some point you would have to both forgive each other and put what has happened behind you and move on. If you think that can never happen - that you can never put it behind you - then there is no chance.

[MrWallFlower]

Okay...call me the big dummy here but I assume that "massage parlor" means something other than a place where you get a massage? Because, to me a massage does not constitute something inappropriate.

[sidehop]

Moderator Note: This thread is three years old.

[thedude121]

If i caught my SO in bed with another bloke, i would actually kill him.

[Staple]

Man I can't imagine walking in on the person I love. So horrible.

[maelstrom]

That must be a horrific experience. I do read a lot of things about people trying to figure out if the other person is cheating, awash in a sea of doubt and uncertainty, so it must be at least some small solace to know for sure.

 

You might want to consider letting these initial horrible feelings subside before you make any decisions, having just found out yesterday that my spouse cheated, I'm pretty much a gigantic mess right now and I'm just trying to get the world to stop spinning.

 

 

EDIT: Just noticed the initial date...

[Staple]

Wow man its not about loving each other or not, its that he caught her IN THE BED with that guy. I find out about my girlfriend cheating on me, and all I can do is imagine how it went. This guy got to see it. I can only imagine how painful and horrible it is.

 

Leave her.

[yeawutever]

Wow man its not about loving each other or not, its that he caught her IN THE BED with that guy. I find out about my girlfriend cheating on me, and all I can do is imagine how it went. This guy got to see it. I can only imagine how painful and horrible it is.

Yes it's indeed disgusting but I heard there are always those very few couples that can actually recovered from a traumatic event such as this one if proper counseling is given esp. working with the visual images and triggers. In this case, one would have to start putting new memories and later on hysterical bonding is needed. Counselors have a way of helping out in that worst case of actually seeing your SO in bed with someone else. Few have survived that and made the relationship stronger but I imagine it must have taken many years... possibly 5 or more I would say.

[Brownstone322]

In a few years you're going to kick yourself for even having to ask this question.

 

Obvious answer is obvious: Grow a pair and KICK HER TO THE CURB!!!

Er, it's been a few years already. The guy's probably remarried by now!

[yeawutever]

Er, it's been a few years already. The guy's probably remarried by now!

Hopefully. I don't see how a normal human being with feelings can possibly get intimate again after that horrible scene. I don't think any amount of counseling would get rid of those images you saw that day.