She sent a letter

[Boughs]

So some may have seen my previous post... the ex I was talking about in that one was 3 years ago.

 

This ex, is 8 months ago. Anywho, we have been NC all 8 months. I broke with her... and I told her that we should not talk for a long time. Whether it be 1 year, 2 years, or 10 years.

 

Well all of a sudden she sent me a letter. It basically just said "have a good summer". Obviously trying to initiate contact. I am completely over her, have no desire to talk to her (she just isn't the type of girl I'd even befriend). Is it rude not to respond? I told her about 3 months earlier (she contacted me again) that I did not wish to speak to her yet...

 

I kind of feel bad for her as she has fallen apart. She is broke and has gotten addicted to some drugs (from listening down the grapevine a friend of hers said that she is doing far worse than when she was with me... sad to hear ). So I do wish to help her... but I don't think I'm the right person to do it. I think that if I did emotions of hers would come out and I would shut her down and just make her feel worse... so... what I'm asking is, do I help her, do I contact her? She obviously likes me still... I don't want to give her hope. Remain NC?

[HulloThere]

Don't try and help her but I think you should respond to her contact. Just make sure not to send any mixed signals through the email. I would just make it brief but friendly.

[FrancisHouseman]

dont resond to her.

 

if you respond she will see it as interest, even if you tell her it isnt she will think in her head "if he wasnt interested he wouldnt respond"

 

If you ignore it, it will go away.

 

i know that sounds awful but sometimes its the only way people GET THE MESSAGE.

 

PS: it isnt your responsibility to help her, your duty not will it ease any guilt you feel from not loving

her like she loved you. Its HER issue, HER hard luck, HER crap time. sorry if that sounds harsh but you pitying her is not going to help.

[tomtommyboy]

Do you think you could be there as a friend for her? I'm not entirely clear who dumped who? If she dumped you and you're over her (and you seem clear on that), do you feel ready for friendship? Is it something you want? If not, I'd stay NC. Like the above poster says, I'm afraid you're not responsible for her problems now - her friends can help her through all that far better than an ex-bf with whom there may still be conflicting emotions...

[Snoopy24]

Well in my opinion the worst thing ever is being ignored.

 

soo I think maybe you should write her back briefly just wishing her well, and don't write anything for her to respond to. just make it brief and friendly.

[Boughs]

So I have two saying it should be harmless if I was friendly and gave her nothing to respond to... while two more say I shouldn't it would just hurt her more.

 

I feel like it would be rude either way... to some extent. I think that ignoring it gives her a definite "Hey! Lets not talk". I'm sure she knows that I wish her the best too... I'm just that kind of person. She even gave me back a CD titled "never take friendships personal" (which makes me laugh cuz those kinds of subtle hints just seem cheesey... I'm actually laughing out loud writing this its so funny).

 

Anywho I think I've decided to not say anything back. If she needed help I'd hope she said "HELP ME"... this kind of letter just plays tricks... which is unecessary as she knows me very well and I don't like those types of actions.

 

Appreciate the help everyone. If anyone has any more input I'd appreciate it.

[mia1207]

Here's a stupid question for you? If she isn't the type of girl you'd even befriend, why on earth were you involved with her? Or did she become that type of girl after you broke up?

[Boughs]

The type of girl I am attracted to I don't like to be friends with. Cuz if I'm attracted to her, then that means that I will make a move right then... despite her oddities in personality. So lets say:

 

Im at a party. I see my good female friends. They are my friends because I'm not attracted to them... if I were attracted to them I would attempt to date them. If they didn't like me and noticed I'm attracted to them, then they usually pull away as to not hurt me (respectable). Thus the girls I'm friends with there is no attraction.

 

At this party I see a girl, she is good looking, we talk she is attractive. I ask her on a date. I learn about her over a course of... 6 months. We get into a serious relationship, we get attached, its hard to pull away... it becomes lust over actual interest. Thus, she may or may not be someone I would befriend. And typically these types of women are just a bit... hmm "off".

 

Which in turn makes me a bit weird. lol.

 

Long explanation. I guess its the best one I can come accross.

[Snoopy24]

That just seems kind of odd to me. I dunno. I am in a relationship and i love my boyfriend more than anything AND i have lot's of guy friends that are goodlooking guys. I dunno i just think thats weird, that you can't be friends with someone bc you have an attraction to them.

 

 

...maybe it's a guy thing.

 

 

 

 

The type of girl I am attracted to I don't like to be friends with. Cuz if I'm attracted to her, then that means that I will make a move right then... despite her oddities in personality. So lets say:

 

Im at a party. I see my good female friends. They are my friends because I'm not attracted to them... if I were attracted to them I would attempt to date them. If they didn't like me and noticed I'm attracted to them, then they usually pull away as to not hurt me (respectable). Thus the girls I'm friends with there is no attraction.

[tomtommyboy]

Not a guy thing. I have the opposite problem - everyone attractive I'm attracted to! Most of my female friends I would at least consider sleeping with. But maybe I'm just a slag.