useless.....

[vagrant]

Yesterday my GF told me that I was the 2nd most jealous guy she'd been involved with.

 

I was pretty upset about it, I know I have had problems with jealousy, but I was under the impression that my jealousy was relatively mild. (It is compared to jealousy that I have been subjected to.) I have been trying to work on it, and when something that sparks my jealousy happens, I just pretty much try to keep it to myself. I don't say hurtful things, I don't lash out.. I just pull away, into myself.

 

I don't have any real reasons to be jealous... My imagination just likes to bring up things from her past that she has told me about. And it makes me wonder if she would do things like that now that we are together.

 

For some reason my imagination likes to manufacture things.. likes to make up the worst case scenario for any given situation that we happen to be in.. or that we may be in sometime in the future.

 

I get pretty angry with myself for causing so much anxiety in me.. what can I do? I think I can blame MY past for this.. Every relationship I have been in, I was the “Other man.” In other words.. women cheated on their boyfriends, husbands or whatever with me. Even my ex-wife. When I met her she had a BF and a husband. She was the only one to actually dump them for me, to everyone else I was just a “Fun momentary diversion”

 

Why can't I just get rid of this most useless of feelings??

[melrich]

Well recognising the problem and why it occurs is a great first step, they say half the challenge is admitting you have a problem.

 

Being in a relationship to an extent involves a "leap of faith". There is always an undercurrent that it could all go wrong. What you have to do is place that feeling in it's proper perspective, that is (I'm assuming) it is very unlikely. work on gaining that perspective and having faith in your relationship and you'll find it opens a whole new level for you.

[Zackinlaw]

Vagrant!!!!

 

Yeah ... your girlfriend has been involved with men before you ... yeah ... she was attracted to him and had sex with him and enjoyed it, including the whole range of sexual activities that you are obsessing over ... yeah ... she probably hoped it would develop into more ... but it didn't, and now she is with you!!!!!!

 

jealousy is the ugliest emotion because it is a combination of envy and hate!!!

 

whenever jealousy rears its ugly head, just say to yourself "yeah, but she wants to be with me now." If you don't blow it, she will want to be with you for many tomorrows to come.

 

Zack.

[vagrant]

Trust me... I know what Jealousy is. And I hate it..

 

Who the F&*K would WANT to feel that way?? I sure as hell don't know who.

 

 

Just had to take a dig didn't cha?

[RebeccaChow]

Well lets say what's past is past, its called past for a reason. You should never reap up the past, should just be left as it is. What's done is done anyway.

 

I suggest you find a new girlfriend? Its not good being the other guy 'cos it will only cause you to get more jealous, think more and it won't be good for your emotional well-being. On jealousy, I think you can cut down slowly by learning to trust your other half.. don't think so much of the past and love.

[talo]

Every relationship I have been in, I was the “Other man.” In other words.. women cheated on their boyfriends, husbands or whatever with me.

 

Your world appears to be one where 'taking' what is not yours is normal. No wonder that when you 'have' something you are concerned that it will be taken.

 

If this is the type of world you have been, or are, living in, then sooner or later it would be only natural for you to experience what it is like to be 'this man' don't you think? Sometimes karma just has to work its way before 'another way of living' can be seen.

 

So no, as seen here, they are not useless feelings. In fact again as seen here, there are no useless feelings. All feeling is to guide us. Sometimes the feelings being 'dished up' are not at all pleasant, and they get less and less pleasant, until we learn a better way of living.

[CynicalGuitarist]

I suggest you take a watch at the movie "Chasing Amy" before you do much else... If you explode at your girlfriend because of her sexual history... you must be prepared for a rejection.

[vagrant]

I've seen "Chasing Amy" plenty of times. It's part of the "View Askew" library!!

 

And I would never explode on her about her history... she probably doesn't even know that it bothers me so much! Her history is just that history.. or reallyu maybe "Herstory." I can't actually be mad at her about it. But I don't have to revel in it either.

 

I know it's stupid that it bothers me.. I'm not even trying to justify my feelings. That's an exersize in futility. Feelings are not necessarily right or wrong, they're just feelings.

 

Everyone has them, and not everyone will agree with mine, yours or anyone else's

[metrogirl]

I just ended a 2 yr relationship because he was extremely jealous. I never gave him any reason to feel the anger and hostility taht he did towards me.

 

His classic line is "I trust you, I just don't trust the men around you". His jealousy continued to get the better of him and I finally said "that's it, I'm done".

 

You stand to lose everything if you don't find a way to get urself together.