smackie9

Have you ever seen him date or be with a girl or has he ever been known to have a GF? There is a possibility he might be gay. 

3 hours ago, alertingadf said:

@itsallgrand @smackie9 she will become a very higher earner(doctor) in about a year or two. She has another job right now but does blow through all the money. But her income will likely triple when she does become a doctor. Why I really wonder if this should be a concern. 

@boltnrun she actually does pay for things. I do pay overall for more. But I also make significantly more than her for right now. But she picks up occasional non-expensive dinners.

Yes, previous marriage she said there were money issues. But she told me she left for that and he hid that smoked weed all day and apparently he would say things to her (like youre a complete b****). Things I would just never do!

It's not about the "amount" It's about your core values this attitude of hers about spending, goes against.

The only way to find out is to ask her if she wants to hang out/go on a date.

Perfectly normal to bond with a coworker because you have that commonality of the job and what goes on with the job. You have partnered up and feel protected...that kind of attention plays on a woman's emotions for sure. It's kinda like a type of chivalry, and us women don't see much of that these days!

How to deal with it? See it for what it really is...a simple crush that you don't act on. You need to emotionally detach yourself...so when you get those feelings you distract yourself at every turn. If possible find a way to spend less time together, and stop letting him do you favours...start declining. Then when you get home, learn to really appreciate your relationship with your SO. Maybe assess what has been missing, like quality time together. Suggest more date nights, etc. Eventually this will iron itself out and you will realize how silly you were for catching those feelings for your coworker.

She admits that the root cause was money issues for the demise of her last marriage....BIG RED FLAG. History will repeat itself. She has told you how she is...and I can't see her compromising for very long when old habits step in.

My niece went into a relationship knowing her partner was a dead beat dad. She had a kid with him, then when the relationship ended, guess what....he's refusing to pay child support. So prime example, you should heed them red flags.

IMO you are kidding yourself this can work out.

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too...a situationship where you commit to him. He's a jerk, kick him to the curb. 

Be really responsive and flirt a little. 

He's probably lost feelings and is too much of a coward to end it...so he's doing the slow fade in hopes you will figure it out on your own. 

Just me but it's been a whole month, not a few days, of no contact. I can see if she stipulated that she needed a few months or some kind of indication of what is needed. I don't think it's very fair to leave someone hanging for that long. So like I said it's up to you to make that call...wait but give yourself a deadline, of just assume it's over and start to move on. Me personally wouldn't put up with this. I would feel my time is precious too so why waste it on this nonsense. 

Helping her through the breakup is hurtful, and would confuse her. Going no contact isn't harsh, it's the right thing to do. 

You don't need a therapist. You are just driven by your feelings of guilt. Sure everyone has them it's perfectly normal to feel that way when breaking up with someone. Life isn't easy, and this won't be the last time this will happen. Learn to plough through it. 

If I were you I would make it end. This is what people do who are clinically depressed and can't cope. They push people and activities out of their life. For some reason it's too exhausting mentally. It's up to you to decide whether you are going to just sit by and wait or just end it. It's a tough one.....have you tried to go see her? 

These would be deal breakers to me. I wouldn't plan a future with someone who is so far off with finances and how children should be raised. Those two things are crucial. Money is one of the biggest. You will be fighting like cats and dogs. 

I sorry to say this but he mislead you.. I feel he is hiding under the guise of being a swinger to hide the fact he's having affairs/flings. Then when he is called out he diverts blame, becomes passive/aggressive. That's mental abuse/ manipulation/ gaslighting. I can see why you are very hurt. You put a lot of trust and commitment to this relationship, and it turns out he's a dirty dog. IMO what you see is what you get....he can't help himself, and no words from you is going to change that. Don't fall for his manipulative tactics to guilt you into staying. Get out while you can. You definitely deserve better. 

It doesn't feel right because it's not. You are who you are and if you are happy with who you are and what you do, then you should date someone who feels the same way about you. This is what I learned.....never change who you are to suit someone's expectations. That's foolish. I'm glad you are starting to see the light on this. You two are not compatible and should never had started dating. He's not the guy for you. And don't let him try and hoover you back....he's just gonna be the same old jerk he was the last time. 

Odd behavior? prob had taken a happy pill of some kind....You can't get any real answers from us...you should be communicating your concerns to her personally.

This is a conversation you should be having with him. See what he actually would be willing to do about it, like relocate, future plans. This isn't about your parents.....this is between you and him, and what you want for yourself. 

You have a guilty conscious so even if you don't tell her, it's going to eat at you. It's a discussion to have right now about dating and having sex with others and what her thoughts are about it. Take it from there. 

The reality is, you have to put up with your parent's rules. Just hangout with her supervised...it is what it is.

You want this to work? Tell her to shut up about it. Set boundaries in your relationship. Grow a set and stand up to her. Like wow dude, she can't force you to sleep in your car if you live there. Be a man. Don't let her push you around. Tell her to stop being so damn cray cray. 

If she starts threatening you, pack your stuff up in front of her and leave. 

What you are feeling is valid. Texting your male friend A LOT is not appropriate. Just because he is your friend doesn't make it right so she can forget about that argument. You are 18 and you need to learn to set boundaries in your relationship. You need to put a stop to this because this is what they call an emotional affair. She's getting attention, that should only be coming from you, from an outside source. If one of my husband's friends was chatting with over text I a lot I sure as hell wouldn't feel comfortable with it nor would my husband. It's not right.

Warning: He doesn't have the emotional maturity to be a committed partner. He may say things about the future because well that's what people do when they are in the honeymoon phase...it's all talk and should never be taken as promises. You are going to find yourself getting hurt like you are now. It's possible that comment was made in order to recreate that rage/jealousy he had with his ex that was mistaken as passion/love. He keeps saying your relationship is "healthier" to convince himself this is right and should stick with it regardless of his feelings.

He needs to seek out counselling to sort these residual feelings for his ex. Obviously he's still attached/confused as to why he is attached to someone that made him so toxic, etc. If he can't do that, then stop investing yourself in this relationship....I don't see a good outcome.

Internet relationships are 10% reality and 90% fantasy  based. This is your imagination creating these things. It's like an addiction...you get a hit of dopamine every time you communicate. Take a look in the mirror....you are a very lonely person. This has become an emotional trap, and it's preventing you from living your life, dating others, making friends. The internet is not a solution. It has a very powerful draw because it's so easy and convenient, especially being an introvert/shy person. It's time for you to get out into the real world and interact with people if you want to feel something real to the heart.

Don't bend over backwards for this girl, she has put in zero effort....punt her to the curb.