smackie9

Well give him an ultimatum. He can move back in when his kids no longer need his support.

Why are you even dating someone who is in this situation? I wouldn't let him live in my house...no way. He's taking money away from you and your kids supporting his a$$. Makes me wonder if the two of them are in this together...he found a sucker to cover costs. Sounds like a scam.

Nothing controlling about adjusting habits. You would like advanced notice, you would like to be able to have some input on what you two are going to do together. It's all about communication and compromise. If he struggles to make changes , then you boot him to the curb.

You have nothing to compare this relationship too, but I do. MPOV This is his personality...this is who he is and what he is all about. I wouldn't have dated someone who is like this. It doesn't feel like a partnership, nor does he think about your feelings. You don't feel like a priority.

If you feel real stuck, I suggest you seek out counselling and possibly couples counselling to sort through this before you make an rash decisions. That was way back then....this is now. Things are different.

If you have to work that hard to have communication, see that as a red flag and don't push this any further. Let her contact you. If she doesn't continue to date others.

When you marry her you will be able to see all of her naturally in person.

Some people are pursuers and some are chasers. I think she's a chaser. Be kool, aloof and not be so there for her. To be desirable is to be less available. But also beware of when being strung along. If you are not getting results, ditch them all together. Note: never act passive aggressive saying things like you won't be talking to them anymore to get a response out of them or $%^& test them...that's so lame. Show them you have self worth...backing off, knowing where you stand without saying anything is key.

There comes a time when it gets old. Trauma bonding is an unhealthy way to build or create intimacy within a relationship. If you have deep long time struggles, stop dumping it on your BF and find a good therapist. It's become too emotionally taxing on him...too much. Most would expect to move forward, be positive and build a new perspective on life. Finding counselling would be your best bet.

This is troublesome. He's being obsessive...obsessiveness means not respecting boundaries, controlling behaviour and jealousy. Red flags girl red flags.

Virginity is not a golden chalice. Sex is just an act, an experience. It's the emotions, and feelings, the sharing of the experience involved is what is important. This girl means everything to you...just hold onto that blessing because that has more meaning than giving up your cherry. 

2 hours ago, Lexismith said:

No, not necessarily it just feels like everybody kind of is blaming me and pointing out my faults yet I feel like he had a lot of faults as well and I’ve listed them. I definitely do appreciate all you guys as responses because it has open my eyes and I know that I do have to do a lot of inner work.

In my eyes no one was to blame...just turned out you two were not a match. When you can't be on the same wavelength everything falls apart pretty darn fast. 

He fell out of liking you....the arguments, not getting along, incompatibility, differences of option, can be deal breakers. That's why we date and have relaitonships...to see how you get along, expectations being fulfilled, just finding what is a best fit. It just didn't work out....you both gave it a shot, he changed his mind how he felt about you. It happens. Can't let bitterness/butt hurt ego get the better of you because you got the $%^&&* end of the breakup stick. 

Nah there's a reason why his relationships were short lived...it's him and his weirdness. You need to run as far away from him as possible. You are not getting what you need out of this. better out there hun. 

I'm going to say, his restrictions on you and how his kids behavior is a reflection on how much of a terrible person he actually is. Controlling, secretive, deflecting, etc. Not sure why you or anyone would marry a person that does this. You deserve way better, and yes there is better out there. I can't imagine the continuous hurt and confusion you have suffered over the years. I would make a break for it. Go find yourself, create a nice peaceful life for you and your kids.  

have to ask her....is she mature enough to handle life's trauma again in a proper manner? and ask yourself are you mature enough to accept this and be able to handle what could lie ahead? 

This is what I learned....the hard you look the harder it will be to find someone. I believe in chance happening. That's what event and parties are for. Surely there are things put on by groups at your college that are lower key. You may not like it, but it's a way to get a GF. Girls are social creatures, and like to entertain, be entertained, dance and have fun. If you are a stick in the mud...you are going to be one lonely person. 

When they say "maybe" "Don't know" "I will be busy with..." "have family stuff to deal with" "Have exams" etc. She's not interested. And when they are fiddling around on their phone at the end of the date, ignoring you....that says Not Interested, how do I end this. Secondly...I remember this from my dating days...nothing worse than a guy asking for permission to kiss me. That gives me the impression the dude lacks confidence. Confidence is key for attraction. Maybe it's different now, but I recommend not doing that. If you are cuddling, holding each other, sure move in for a kiss. 

This person is addicted to being attracted by others. low self esteem, low self worth, they usually chase those emotions with each new person to keep the desire going. She's a lost soul. Not really ready for anything until she figures herself out. Or she may never will and jump from relationship to relationship. 

Sorry she gave you what you wanted under false pretenses. Lesson learned, hopefully you can go forward and actually meet the love of your life. 

You can have surgery to restore your purity, so yes you can have that back.

You are only human, you will make mistakes throughout your life, just the way it is. Lesson learned. Tip: men will do and say anything to get sex. If a man truly loved you, he would never pressure you into anything. he doesn't love you so you have nothing more with him. Just end it now, and disappear, lose his number. 

What does it matter "how many". Look at the person before you...she's wonderful, you like each other. Stay true to your words....leave the past behind and look to the future. 

It's a negatory bud. Don't approach her again. 

She was trying to navigate things hiding from her parent's gaze. It's been very difficult for the both of you. She wants to get away with as much as possible before her parents shut her down...that's why she was speeding things up. Her parents found out so she was demanded to shut things down for good, hence being blocked on SM. 

You don't have any experience to compare this situation to, but we do. As everyone stated, it's toxic/unhealthy. You need to stay clear of her. I get it you were close to having something, but it was a bad something....and no, bad is not better than nothing. You seriously need better than this...raise your expectations, and don't get involved with someone that behaves that crazy. 

Just tell her that you both need to come to an agreement as to when you two can talk, then do it on a schedule. If there has to be a cancellation don't take it personally, it not because you don't want to talk to her, it's because there is no way to have a private conversation. 

The second I read that I yelled in my head NO! Don't let her know that you dummy.

She will never get her head around it. It would destroy her and you know it. It would be a very selfish thing just because you need to relieve some guilt. 

Now if I had a hunch, it's possible she has a feeling that something did occur at that time, maybe a woman's intuition, I dunno. She's feeling some insecurity for whatever reason. I think she just wanted you to echo what she felt...to agree, reassure her. Some guys would say it's a trap, so it's best to play along and keep your mouth shut. 

If there is any evidence lying around, like old text messages, phone numbers, access to accounts on dating app or anything on your social media, better get rid of it now. 

I just got through the first paragraph....this guy is a controlling jerk. Stop talking to him....lose his number.