smackie9

You should be putting your child first and work on getting a proper steady home life for her. He's not a stable person. Him going in and out of jail is him never wanting to grow up or commit to making a real life with you.

I totally can relate. I find it exhausting too listening to my husband draw out his conversations....I'm saying in my head "get to the damn point already" I usually don't go with him if I know it's going to be hours. It's not unusual for us to go solo to events. I'm good for a couple of hours then I'm done. Sometimes I leave on my own, or I go sit somewhere like outside to just breath. But ya there's nothing wrong with grabbing an Uber and going home alone early.

What I have started to do is tell him the time I expect us to leave, that I'm not staying late a head of time. So he knows when I say it's time to leave, it's time to leave.

first off, you should have called him out on his bs excuses right there. He lied to you and you shouldn't put up with that. Secondly you need to express how it made you feel to him. You both need to communicate better about this.

End the relationship and start fresh by being single and just date,...discover who you are, build a life of your own, grow, and go forward. Then you will be ready to get into a relationship that enhances your life, not take it over. 

He sounds like a great guy with lots in common with you. I don't think he's going anywhere lol. He has been communicating well, letting you know he will be very busy so he won't be available to chat like before. I feel is a very good sign.   

Maybe he does have a wondering heart and is operating with in the parameters of being a dutiful brother in law...no hanky panky just orbiting. But I wouldn't find it odd for him to escort her shopping, taking his brother's place. Does he do theses things when his brother is right there? If the brother doesn't see anything wrong, then maybe you are looking through this with jealous eyes. 

Having fantasies are perfectly normal. I find it very unrealistic to be faithful in your own thoughts/daydreams. If you want to act on them, then it's unfair to you and your BF. get to college and see where you are at. Then you can make your decision then. 

3 hours ago, LINDA said:

I deleted the message and assumed it never existed. I don't want to contact or initiate contact with someone who caused me a lot of pain.

You did the right thing. He had no real reason to contact you, especially when he was the one that caused you so much grief. I would say he's casting a line out to see if you will bite. Well too frickin bad I say...he can go stuff it. 

When you have arrangements like this, communication is important especially if the subject arises about wanting more, less or different.  If you are catching feelings, then it's time to have a conversation with him about it. Then cut ties if he doesn't feel the same way. 

Your taxes from last year, recent pay statement. 

OK so you had a triggered situation. I suggest you delete your FB account and start a fresh one eliminating any old photos from popping up.  Or completely get off that social media platform. Find a different app and make a new start. It's all about changing your habits to move forward. 

When someone goes distant on you, you ask what you can do to help or what you can expect from him like does he need space, want to take a break, etc. If that isn't adequate or fulfill your expectations, you call it quits. No one that is respectfully interested in you would do that crap.  I find it immature to not communicate truthfully....to me that is a requirement of yours, and if he ain't doing it, then he's not worth your time. 

Simple solution....end the relationship. 

As for a first date, I'm old school the man pays. After that it goes how you want it to go with some communication. Some men insist on paying all the time, some split the bill, some alternate. Whatever way one is comfortable with. Me me and my husband alternate except for special occasions. He pays.

Did you even ask her out? or to meet at least?

The apps are not a safe place for women....at least not anymore. It's way too easy for predators, criminals, etc to take advantage, then disappear, be untraceable. People lie about who they are, what they do, are married, in other relationships, dupe you into having to cover an expensive bill when the check comes. It's user beware.

We desire more what is out of our reach. I believe this is what is driving you emotionally. Not too many men want to trauma bond and if they do can be predators looking for someone that is weak so they can control and manipulate you in a relationship....so what you seek can lead you to someone who will be very dangerous/harmful to you. Save your past troubles with a therapist or good friend. You definitely don't want to attract any white knights. That can lead to codependency.

Women think and feel with their emotions...so you will find success with being able to emotionally connect intellectually along will good body language. Have to have that back and forth banter, flirting, mirroring, being a little mysterious/aloof. No pickup crap, but more like an emotional dance of feeling each other out. I agree it has to feel natural not over done.

You don't waste your time on someone that doesn't give you consistent communication or meaningful interaction. This guy isn't doing it.  you shouldn't have to fix, train or make someone treat you the way you expect to be treated. First impressions count. If this guy acts flaky, he just a flaky kind of guy. He isn't going to change. 

This is what I always say, date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. 

And that is what depression can do to a person...look for something that will give them a dopamine boost to feel good. Obviously this person hasn't developed the skills or is on the right medication to deal with it. This has nothing to do with you. There is nothing you can do to fix this. It is a her problem not a you problem. The best solution is to dissolve this relationship, and find happiness with someone else. 

Before I read your post I knew what he used it for. You are over reacting. 

When it comes to men, if they really want you, there is very little that would deter them. This guy was lukewarm at best. You did nothing wrong. 

I agree you need to be the man and take the lead...small talk, show interest, if she is receptive and smiling, ask her for her number or exchange numbers. I would get turned off if a man just handed over his number and told me to contact him. 

Prob because you are too stiff and need to be more charming by being a flirt yourself, tease, make them laugh, good eye contact with playful eyes/looks. It's an artform for sure but ya gotta really put yourself out there with confidence/ be relaxed...give it a go.