smackie9

Maybe he does have a wondering heart and is operating with in the parameters of being a dutiful brother in law...no hanky panky just orbiting. But I wouldn't find it odd for him to escort her shopping, taking his brother's place. Does he do theses things when his brother is right there? If the brother doesn't see anything wrong, then maybe you are looking through this with jealous eyes. 

Having fantasies are perfectly normal. I find it very unrealistic to be faithful in your own thoughts/daydreams. If you want to act on them, then it's unfair to you and your BF. get to college and see where you are at. Then you can make your decision then. 

3 hours ago, LINDA said:

I deleted the message and assumed it never existed. I don't want to contact or initiate contact with someone who caused me a lot of pain.

You did the right thing. He had no real reason to contact you, especially when he was the one that caused you so much grief. I would say he's casting a line out to see if you will bite. Well too frickin bad I say...he can go stuff it. 

When you have arrangements like this, communication is important especially if the subject arises about wanting more, less or different.  If you are catching feelings, then it's time to have a conversation with him about it. Then cut ties if he doesn't feel the same way. 

Your taxes from last year, recent pay statement. 

OK so you had a triggered situation. I suggest you delete your FB account and start a fresh one eliminating any old photos from popping up.  Or completely get off that social media platform. Find a different app and make a new start. It's all about changing your habits to move forward. 

When someone goes distant on you, you ask what you can do to help or what you can expect from him like does he need space, want to take a break, etc. If that isn't adequate or fulfill your expectations, you call it quits. No one that is respectfully interested in you would do that crap.  I find it immature to not communicate truthfully....to me that is a requirement of yours, and if he ain't doing it, then he's not worth your time. 

Simple solution....end the relationship. 

As for a first date, I'm old school the man pays. After that it goes how you want it to go with some communication. Some men insist on paying all the time, some split the bill, some alternate. Whatever way one is comfortable with. Me me and my husband alternate except for special occasions. He pays.

Did you even ask her out? or to meet at least?

The apps are not a safe place for women....at least not anymore. It's way too easy for predators, criminals, etc to take advantage, then disappear, be untraceable. People lie about who they are, what they do, are married, in other relationships, dupe you into having to cover an expensive bill when the check comes. It's user beware.

We desire more what is out of our reach. I believe this is what is driving you emotionally. Not too many men want to trauma bond and if they do can be predators looking for someone that is weak so they can control and manipulate you in a relationship....so what you seek can lead you to someone who will be very dangerous/harmful to you. Save your past troubles with a therapist or good friend. You definitely don't want to attract any white knights. That can lead to codependency.

Women think and feel with their emotions...so you will find success with being able to emotionally connect intellectually along will good body language. Have to have that back and forth banter, flirting, mirroring, being a little mysterious/aloof. No pickup crap, but more like an emotional dance of feeling each other out. I agree it has to feel natural not over done.

You don't waste your time on someone that doesn't give you consistent communication or meaningful interaction. This guy isn't doing it.  you shouldn't have to fix, train or make someone treat you the way you expect to be treated. First impressions count. If this guy acts flaky, he just a flaky kind of guy. He isn't going to change. 

This is what I always say, date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. 

And that is what depression can do to a person...look for something that will give them a dopamine boost to feel good. Obviously this person hasn't developed the skills or is on the right medication to deal with it. This has nothing to do with you. There is nothing you can do to fix this. It is a her problem not a you problem. The best solution is to dissolve this relationship, and find happiness with someone else. 

Before I read your post I knew what he used it for. You are over reacting. 

When it comes to men, if they really want you, there is very little that would deter them. This guy was lukewarm at best. You did nothing wrong. 

I agree you need to be the man and take the lead...small talk, show interest, if she is receptive and smiling, ask her for her number or exchange numbers. I would get turned off if a man just handed over his number and told me to contact him. 

Prob because you are too stiff and need to be more charming by being a flirt yourself, tease, make them laugh, good eye contact with playful eyes/looks. It's an artform for sure but ya gotta really put yourself out there with confidence/ be relaxed...give it a go. 

If he doesn't value your opinions then you two are just not compatible to be together. Like I have said in another thread, you shouldn't have to teach him how to love and respect you. This shows he just doesn't and your course of action is to dump him. He's not a good BF to you simple as that. 

Hoooold up! he says that type of stuff during your intimate moments? Oh hell ya you cause trouble. He's being a dope head. Girl, you shouldn't have to teach a man how to treat you/ love you. You need to let him go to save your dignity. 

Well I see the dilemma here....the distance. She's wanting more of a commitment like you moving there to be with her rather than meeting up every 3 months. What are your future plans other than getting laid. 

6 hours ago, Sam1986 said:

Off-topic perhaps, but you definitely can. Countries usually don't share these sorts of records with one another, so the only way they tend to learn about your felony is if you voluntarily list it in the application form when applying for a visa. Me and a friend went to China a couple of years ago, and he has a criminal record (nothing big, tax evasion mostly), and we considered listing it on the visa application form. We opted not to, and as expected, there were no consequences since Chinese authorities would have no way of knowing anyway.

That's pretty risky. 

Yes she is interested in you.

I think he doesn't want to rush into a marriage/children just yet. You two have spent so much of your time together apart, he just wants to spend time getting to know each other....which I say seems very fair. He's right, he is not the same person, he's an adult, his life has changed, and so has yours. So take the pressure off and put those plans aside for a year and a half. Get settled back into dating, settle into careers, enjoy your new lives....see where things take you.