justice

Thanx GeeCee, I'm going to give it some thought over the weekend in order to get my thoughts together. She can be very emotional and that often clouds her ability to be rational. Should I give beyond the weekend to compose herself or should make contact next week?

Thanx for the posts. My ex called last night and stated that she wanted to get back together with me. I told her that I was not ready and that we needed to work at some of the core issues because our previous blind approaches had led to failure. She stated that she wanted all or nothing and if I was not willing to make the jump that she would consider this a no and if that was my answer we would once again no longer be in contact. Her reasoning was that because the off and on period had been 7months there was no time for soul searching or talking about anything other than getting back together. I told her that I just was not prepared to give a definite yes or no and that I wanted sometime time for us to discuss and soul search together. She insisted and said it was all or nothing. When I would not give her a yes or no answer she said she took that as I no and we would not be speaking. As I stated in my last post our last on period was about 12 weeks. Our conversation ended with her saying "I'm taking that as a no". I do not want to get back on the never ending merry go around of being off and on, but I do not want to lose her. Advice????

You have to focus on yourself and how you can be the best person to your boyfriend and his child. In time the child will come to realize that you are not the obstructionist her mother is. Allowing his ex to upset you is empowering her to be a destructive force in your life, by maintaing your poise you will be removing this empowerment. If your boyfriend gets upset after speaking to her give him a little bit of time do not engage him immediately after a fight with his ex. Remember you have no control over anyone else's actions only over your own.

If she is still intiating contact then I think you can rest assured she is still interested. I think you should give her time, but let her know that there will be no contact until such time as she is willing to follow through on getting together. If not the peanut will always be falling out of your hand before it's taken. As for the new guy if she is still calling you she is not committed in her heart or her mind to this guy. I think he provides protection from being alone, but that can only last so long before her true feelings resurface. Justice

I dated my girlfriend for four years. Toward the end of the relationship she moved in I got cold feet and she move out. There were a few times during our relationship where we would stop seeing each other, I would date during these off periods. Over the past seven months during our on periods she advised that she knew about the dating and felt that I cheated on her. She also stated that if I dated while we were off I was probably doing it while we were on. I admitted to the dating as I did not feel it wrong and advised her that I only dated after she told me she did not want to see or talk to me again and that I loved her she was all that I needed. During our on periods the dating thing sabatoged our relationship and we would be off again. About 12 weeks ago we decided to give it another try and she gave me a list of things she felt needed to be cleared up or worked on if the relationship was going to work. I complied with all of her requests except one. One of the requests was that we go to joint counseling which we did. The one request that I did not comply with was the termination of one of my secretaries. This secretary has had a crush on me since day one. I did not hire her. The secretary divulged her feelings to others and my girlfriend found out. No messing around between myself and the secretary has occurred nor will it ever. I told my girlfriend that if and when the secretary messed up I would terminate her, but that I would not terminate her for no reason and if I did I would feel like I was admitting to something. Further it was just plain wrong. This was not good enough and she broke it off, stating that if I really loved her I would do this. After 10 days of no contact she called said she was sad and wanted to get back together, but that I still had to fire my secretary immediately. I gave her the same response that I would do it for cause only. No contact for 12 days followed. We started communcating via email, then by phone. She stated that she missed me and loved me, but that I would have to fire my secretary for it to work. I again gave her the same response. She stated it was over that she never wanted to see or hear from me again. I was prepared to marry this woman, I even purchased the ring, I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life without her, but I feel she is being unreasonable. HELP