bman

Alright, I'm doing no contact, i'm avoiding places we went together, things we had in common, thinking about the bad times when I think of her and none of this is helping. This woman rules my brain and there is nothing I can do about it. I lay awake at night thinking of what could have been. Brief resume; 4.5 yrs living together, i couldn't/didn't commit, she moved 2000 miles away to be back with family, 4 mos later shes with a rebound guy. I thought I was doing okay but Valentines Day really sucked, more so cuz our 5 yr anni would have been the 13th. This last week has been HELL! If anyone has any idea's, comments, brainstorms, opinions, voodoo spells, wutever please let me know cuz this is no way to live.

Alright, I'm doing no contact, i'm avoiding places we went together, things we had in common, thinking about the bad times when I think of her and none of this is helping. This woman rules my brain and there is nothing I can do about it. I lay awake at night thinking of what could have been. Brief resume; 4.5 yrs living together, i couldn't/didn't commit, she moved 2000 miles away to be back with family, 4 mos later shes with a rebound guy. I thought I was doing okay but Valentines Day really sucked, more so cuz our 5 yr anni would have been the 13th. This last week has been HELL! If anyone has any idea's, comments, brainstorms, opinions, voodoo spells, wutever please let me know cuz this is no way to live.

Is it stupid to think that I can remain friends with her ? She was my best friend for 5 years and I that loss hurts perhaps even more ...

I was in a long distance relationship for quite awhile. We would talk on the phone for hours day in and day out. If this person shares your passions and interests you shouldn't be searching dead air for something to talk about. Perhaps every now and then but not on a frequent basis. I guess this is probably pretty shitty advice but someone you truly love and share things with should either be a babble-fest or a comfortable silence. It doesn't sound like u have either ???? Am I going to hell for saying that ? : }

Wow, it actually gives me relief even just to find this website. All of your words are sources of strength for me. My situation unfortunately is a little different I am hoping that since there seems to be such wisdom and experience on here you may be able to help me get over what I am going through. I met my ex on the internet. I had just moved to a new city and didn't know anybody. Just in a chatroom one day bs'ing and we just clicked. The whole scenario followed, phone calls, pictures, visits, etc. I was amazed how I could feel that deeply for someone that I met in that way. We made the decision that she would move 2000 miles to be with me and she moved in. She was able to give me such an amazing amount of love and caring, something that I never had before even as a child. Stupidly I would reject her requests to go home with her and visit her family because it was to boring. I didn't realize the strain it put on her because of her close relationship with her mother. When we met I told her what I wanted from life; to travel, no kids, not being married before 30 and she told me she wanted the same. About 4 years into the relationship the marriage thing came up again and I would deflect. We never fought and lived a happy life together. I always deep down wondered if she was the 'one'. She would do things to annoy me but her love was so amazingly strong I ignored it. I looked at it in this way; did true love or the 'one' really exist like in the movies ? Wouldn't it be impossible to find someone that catered to every single aspect of your perception ? About 5 years into the relationship major life events were taking place back at her home; sick family members, best friend getting married, etc, etc. She decided that she would return home to be there for these events otherwise she would always regret not being there. I let her go, and we both agreed our love would be strong enuff to make it through. Obviously it wasn't. I couldnt travel there because of work and she couldnt either. After 5 months of being apart with 2 visits things were getting tough. She loved being home and I put my career in front of me moving there. I had been with her from the years of 21-26 and needed to go out, to meet other people, to 'sow my royal oats'. I looked at it as test that would prove to me if she was the 'one'. I called and told her I needed time effectively ending it. I had fun over the summer being single in Vegas but realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. That the love and companionship she gave me was more important. She was already in the process of moving on and my communication with her often would just lead to anger and piss her off. Months later, October, I need to know. I went to visit her and it was like old times. We didn't sleep together but 'it' was there and we both knew it. We talked about me moving out there to be with her. She said she didnt want to make any decisions until December when she graduated. I respected her wishes and didn't push anything. I told her I had changed, that marriage, kids a future were all things I wanted. We started talking all the time again and things seemed like they were going great. Three weeks later I could tell there was a difference. She met someone, she said. Why couldn't I have changed my thinking earlier, what would she tell him (she had told him she was over me), it put to much pressure on her (me moving there). We no longer talk much. I hear that she is in love that she is happy. I have such a hard time seeing that as possible (denial i know) but this guy doesn't seem right for her. Its a total rebound relationship. The guy is 6 yrs older with an exwife and kids. I know she looks at him and says 'oh he's made the committment before maybe ....'. We always seemed destined to be together. I feel that she won't talk to me because she knows if she does she might feel something, making her whole process less important. I have considered still moving there. Providing the setting for the chemistry to take place if the timing was right. She will only sometimes reply to an email. I waver from being okay with it to being downright OCD anxiental. I am sleeping with other people but I don't like it. The dating scene here is non-existant which doesn't help I know. I am having a hard time. Is moving there absolutely pysco ? Even if its for a good job (I am thinking about relocating anyway)? I swear I would do anything to get her back. I have changed my priorities in life and when I think about a wife and a mother I couldn't think of anyone better. This entire situation is driving me CRRAAZZYYY. I know I f*'d it all up by not committing to her and by not being more understanding of her distance from her friends and family. She wants to be married so badly and I worry that she will marry this guy just because she will get her ring, her house and her status quo. The difference between this situation is that we were great together, their was no abuse, no infidelety just the whole distance from her family. If her family lived here we would still be together and probably planning our marriage. I know this has been a long long read so if your still here and you have any advice for me at all please HELP ! I also have a secondary question, after reading everything on here I have decided to committ myself to the no contact rule. BUT, i have somethings that I feel like I need to say, following that rule am I able to send one last email or better to just let it go ?