Derek

*bow* Richgabe,

I stand corrected that you did qualify your original post.

=)

Good advice above...

Eating once a day is bad news.

Your body is fighting what you want to happen. The body will try to get fat if you keep starving it. Our bodies evolved to survive. So as soon as it is in constant starvation, the body is in emergency "store fat" mode. And the slightest thing you eat is turned into storage as much as it can. If the body is tricked into thinking it always has food readily available, then it relaxes and can let the fat fall away.

I understand most people say to have 5 small meals a day instead

of 1 big meal. Breakfast being the most important. Making sure your stomach always has some slow digesting food in it will trick it into thinking that food will always be available. Snacks like some fruit or a small energy bar in between breakfast/lunch and dinner will keep your stomach

active. (Snacks like Coke, Chips and Chocolate will just give you a jolt of sugar and your stomach is empty again, (these are fast digesting foods) )

I also heard to not eat much after 7-8pm at night, if you sleep with full stomach, the energy also turns to fat.

Madcat is right, but I would spin it differently.

You've got to forget about women temporarily and start with yourself.

Make your own life interesting to yourself. Get out and do stuff, for yourself, go skydiving, go motorcycling, go hiking/boating, go be a DJ, go join a band, join a dance club, train for a marathon, fly in a balloon etc.

Live life to the fullest within your means. Make memories, make stories that you can then relate to other people.

Write down a list of things you've always wanted to do.

(Even stuff like "eat live grasshoppers" or "drive accross the continent")

then start ticking them off as you do them.

Hmm, there was an episode of "Ed" an america TV show with Kelly Ripa playing the part of this person that just kept a list of experiences she wanted to do and that's what she did...

Summary here:

link removed

link removed=

Now she was a bit nutty because the character took it too far, but the idea is fun.

Once you have a bank of crazy stories that you are adding to, I bet women may come out of the woodwork and want to be a part of the story you are weaving for your life.

Think about it.

Y'know, it's alot easier to turn a smart guy into a good looking guy,

but a good looking dumb guy will always be dumb...

Though I know the general idea is true that "if he Loves me, then he'll treat me right" and for this thread, that's good advice to cut through the confusion of the situation.

But I'd like to disagree with this part:

"Humans do not consciously hurt the people they are in love with, it is just not our nature."

People are selfish. Sometimes you do hurt people, sometimes for their sake, (like calling someone out on an addiction), or sometimes for your own sake (lying to them). Humans can be selfish, even against our own children's interests if you can imagine that. So even though we "love" each other, love is not a perfectly pure institution.

Love is about willing oneself to put the other person's cares above your own, even in times when you don't like them.

*salute*

I wish I had my own advice when I was 14.

LOL.

funny stuff...

I saw on one of these dating shows..

1 guy was choosing between 4 girls, 2 of the girls said they love to "cook and take care of their man", one of the girls said, "Hey, this is 2004 not the 1800s!"

Guess which girls got to stay, the girls that "chose" to cook and take care of their man...

So feminism allow women to choose to do whatever they want, but it seems the "traditional" girl and guy roles still get the win in the end. *shrug*

I think CK may be getting at something like this:

Feminism required women to be victims of some oppression, but now that women can no longer be victims because of the success of the movement, they need to step up and not be wusses about life.

Many seem to still think they can still play the victim card...

When Harry Met Sally...

Can guys and girls really be friends?

I say after a certain point, no.

Flirting?

Just be funny, be interesting, make funny observations on the weirdness of the world and people around you. Everything you say can have a smile behind it. A coyness, a wryness... like you are sharing secrets with only her. She needs to feel special and you are the man to do it...

Ok, now this is something that no girls are allowed to read, ( )

just guys eyes only:

You asked about kissing and such. Well as the other posters said, you gotta build up to it slowly... holding hands, touching arms, sides, shoulders, seeing the comfort and trust level between you guys build up to when it seems like maybe its time to test a kiss out.

So here is a trick... guys eyes only:

Look into your girls eyes, watch them a little longer than you are supposed to... pretend to see an eyelash that fell onto her cheek,

put your hands to her face, slowly brush away the pretend eyelash

with your thumb and then smile, now you are close to her, looking in

her eyes with a perfect position to kiss her if she seems like she wants to,

or just smile and let her anticipate the next time you do get close like that.

Now don't tell anyone else the secret.

"I wish more of my guy friends were as easy to talk to as you are" starts to get the general impression accross that it's not romance that's in the air for you.

What!? I dunno about other guys, but that's not direct enough...

Saying that you really like talking to the guy is not gonna give him the picture. Why do you ladies have to be so subtle, guys need to be hit over the head with the message! Yeah some of us are smart, but the nature of being male is to hunt with clear focus and blinders to any distractions until we hit the brick wall. Give us the brick wall please!

"Lets just be friends"

or

"I am not looking to get involved romantically at this time, sorry"

or

"I had a great time, but I think we aren't meant for each other romantically"

blah blah...

And the guy needs to have the guts to say something like,

"I don't need any more friends, thanks for the nice time"

and move on without false hope.

There is no substitute for finding a way to ask...

Find a way to get to talk to her alone (no friends around) ...

Say something like,

"Hey there, it was great when we last talked..." (or whatever)

"Y'know, I was thinkin' that maybe we are both interested in getting to know each other more sometime..."

"What do you think?"

What's the worst that could happen?

She could laugh in your face and say "No!"

Or she could giggle and say, "Yeah, I'd like that!"

If she's rude, then she wasn't worth the bother anyway.

If she's cool, then now you know...

I got some different ideas too.

I think a guy is turned on when he sees that the girl is turned on. As in she is thinking about sexiness and it may involve him... (he starts to think he is the reason she is turned on)

It could be a turn on that she is merely thinking about something sexy, let alone doing any action at all. Talk can be a turn on.

A normal girl that can talk about sex is more interesting than a super model that talks about hair, nails and money.

I think a guy is also turned on when the girl shows that she has pride in him, that she respects him. Like if she showed him off to her friends..

SincerelyHurt wrote a great post there. Live your life as best you can, that just makes your ex burn, realizing they are missing out and as they find out that the grass isn't greener on the other side, they become humbled.

I agree, to get into a more mature place with regards to this guy that dumped you, you've got to get your own independence going. Live life, get back in touch with friends and family, girls and guys. Let his memory fade by pushing it out with all sorts of new memories and experiences.

Don't forget to finish your schooling, getting any piece of paper (diploma) is your ticket to a good quality of life and independence too.

Him, hearing about your new independence and self esteem, may make him interested again. And even if he doesn't, it will put you in a better position for the next guy that may be around the corner. The next guy may treat you as more of a partner perhaps, where the two of you can collaborate in your mischief together. Having a new attitude that you are a prize that guys should fight for will attract more mature guys for you too!

hmm,

I would think a way of describing the physical sensations of an orgasm might be things like:

- you might feel tinglings in your genitals (blood pooling there)

- all your senses (nerve endings) very sensitive and "turned on"

- heart going faster

- you have a feeling of euphoria, even dizziness (blood flowing away from the brain)

- for ladies you would be quite wet/moist downstairs as well,

- you might feel like you have to bear down and push some,

- your muscles all over your body but especially your genitals would

tense a few times (or many times) uncontrollably (this is the orgasm peak part)

- you might even hold your breath during that time. (about 10-20 seconds? )

- then you would feel a wave of relaxation all over, letting down, perhaps a little dizziness, muscles relax, tiredness, feeling especially close to your partner, feeling the after glow of the connection.

Someone correct me if I describe it wrong from your experience.

I saw that there wasn't many replies to this...

Sounds like a tough situation, and I bet most people don't have quick advice for a situation like this.

I feel sadness for the original poster. There are so many parts to the story that I think the "technical" issues are not the problem.

I wonder if there is some counselling that could help out the situation, perhaps a trusted church/religious leader that would be discrete and may have some way of helping the marriage work out.

If that husband wants to have heirs (they often do), he better start getting it on or he'll miss the boat. Perhaps that could be a way to approach it...

Use birth control for a while and tell him he's gotta change his technique according to your desires for a better chance to conceive...

Tough situation.

dasbin and skoobs have good points...

Paraphrased: "Why can't men and women just be real to each other"

Honesty is a rare thing these days... Society and culture also affect

how people relate to each other. Stereotypes like Girls are labeled slutty if they express that they are interested in sex too quickly. ", that gets in the way of honesty too.

Personally, I tend to have good rapport and meaningful conversation with girls so well that I immediately end up in the friends zone as a "nice guy" too. "Oh your so sweet" blah blah... "You'll make some girl happy someday" blah blah..

I've had opportunities where if I lied, acted differently then myself, or just went along with the situation I could have used women terribly. My character just doesn't let me do that, so if I lose out in Love because I have some honor and higher goals then getting in someone's pants, then so be it. But the temptation is still there...

But I'd like to add something I've been thinking about for my fellow "nice guys":

The "jerk" guy may get the girl during the "first phase" of attraction but eventually she will realize his supposed confidence is very superficial.

(If she doesn't realize it, then she gets what she deserved and she wasn't worth it for you anyway) She'll realize that he was lying about his job and

his car was borrowed from his Mom and he cheats on every girlfriend he's ever had, etc. etc.

The key for the "nice guys" is to live an interesting full life that gives you a quiet confidence underlying everything you do. You don't need to brag when you know your own capabilities well. You just are.

You need to make your life so interesting that girls want to get on the train with you because they like where you are going.

They want to be a part of your ambition, your goals, whatever turns your crank, they might be interested in too. If you stay at home, eat kraft dinner and fiddle on the guitar or play x-box everyday, there is no "bandwagon" for the girls to be interested enough in to jump on.

That quiet confidence makes the girl's ears perk up and listen.

This thread is kinda about how to approach men with directions without them knowing they are being directed.

How about use the "Sports Team Coach" role idea. Guys can relate to that idea. They know the coach is there to help the team succeed. And if you are merely coaching him, he may be more approachable in that kind of context.

Also, perhaps coaching him at a different time than the act itself (over dessert?) may find his mind more relaxed and receptive than in the heat of the moment when he's got blinders on like a bull and his brain is firing too fast to register things. (I mean coaching him on the big picture things like "to do" or "not to do" things, not the physical assistance things)

Wear a whistle and a ball cap to make it fun even...

You guys need to give the young man specifics...

all this talk of "go with the flow" is fine for the ladies who can just sit back and let it happen... but it's not so easy for the guys.

Here is what I think...

He wants it to be at the dance because of its significance, so us advice givers need to give him some advice...

1. Be dancing on a slow song.

2. Start out talking and laughing, then slow down and talk less

and listen and sense what she is feeling more...

3. Look in her eyes. Let her talk a bit, but just look at her...

4. Stop dancing.

5. Hold her closer, keep looking in her eyes, anticipating.

6. Bring one hand to her neck and ear to hold her head.

7. Move in with your lips with your head slightly on an angle.

8. Stop within an inch of her lips.

9. Wait a few heartbeats.

10. Kiss. Softly. Not too long (let her breath), not too short (like a grandma). Not wet. Not forcefully.

11. Pull away smiling and check her feelings by looking into her eyes.

12. With your hand place her head on your shoulder.

13. Continue dancing slowly.

14. You are now the man...

Now later on find a private place without interruptions to make out all proper like now that the hard part is done.

Someone please correct me if I missed something.

All good advice...

Have lots of interests... and meet people with similar interests.

You'll have lots of stories to relate with other people if you are just

living life to the fullest... and people want to get on your train and ride with you if you seem to be having an interesting life.

meet people at grocery stores, libraries, in line at the ATM, at book stores, museums, pick up sports teams, camping stores, hiking/walking groups, biking, church events, even karioke, clubs/lounges, card players, online matching etc.

Force yourself to say hi or smile to everyone around you until it becomes a habit that you can do without thinking twice about it...

everybody and every body has imperfections with little quirks and big quirks here and there... he's probably concerned about his member size or the hair in his nose or whatever... and I bet your not even thinking about that.

How about for the first time, you leave on your sports bra or sexy bra or whatever... Just say you feel sexier with your rack intact, with your boobs under control, say you want to keep your stack out front instead of under your armpits... and keep on trucking into other things... If he's a gentleman, he won't care about himself, he'll care about you being comfortable...

I think by the time people are in each other's pants, they should have enough trust to be able to communicate about these things, or maybe they shouldn't be in each other's pants in the first place.

dude,

2 or 3 fingers and a good mouth will make up for other shortcomings...

you know what it comes down to? she wants Her own way.

I have heard that some girls like a guy that can stand up to their baloney and though she might get her way eventually, at least she has a challenge.

I think ck is saying that guys seem to shoulder all of the responsibility for the relationship, while girls hold all the power... funny enough.

Guys have to initiate, while girls get to sit back and say yes or no.

Girls can say yes or no to sex, yes or no to rejecting him in the face

in front of everyone. He's got to keep up quite a tough skin to be able

to do that. And since modern girls have this dual role of supposedly being assertive while yet still being passive somehow and guys are supposed to be "sensitive" while yet being aggressive. Guys don't know where they stand. Girls probably don't either. I get mixed messages from media telling me that modern girls are a certain way while reality seems to still be that girls are the same as they have been for 10000 years.

Girls are supposed to be more like traditional guys, and guys are supposed to be more like traditional girls? It's leaving everyone alone and confused.

Also,

Guys and girls have different notions of what is romantic...

Guys may take out the garbage, fix a leak, clean her car or something,

come bouncing back in beaming like a 6 year old and look at

their girl and say "See? I fix stuff for you to show I love you,

isn't that romantic?"

And the girl shrugs. He frowns and slinks off to the TV.

Girl comments "You never do romantic things for me"

He replies, "I do stuff for you all the time!"

Girl complains, "If you really loved me, you would just know what I mean..."

Girl stomps off thinking she is unsure of the relationship's future.

He withdraws into himself (or the TV) thinking she's nagging and being emotional... Communication is blocked....

He's gotta be coached just like Mandalee is saying to realize that she has needs to be regularly approved with romantic gestures (more personal than just putting out the garbage, guys)

And she's gotta be coached to realize when he's doing things to solve her problems that needs to be acknowledged as his way of showing affection too.

give it up...

Though it may have been a romantic dream...

Whether he loves you or not doesn't matter once children and other people are involved.

Romantic ideals makes it seem like love conquers all, but in real life the relationship repercussions affect entire families, children, in-laws, careers, futures. Only in books does "happily ever after" have no consequences.

Remember the good times, have a good cry and swallow your feelings about him. Look forward to new good times... from your culture I assume you will need to commit to learning to love your arranged partner in whatever way you can. Be fair to your new partner and let go the past.

I'll ask this question as Janet Jackson wrote in her song...

What has she done for you lately?