sweetharmony

first of all, welcome to enotalone. this is a great forum and we're all here to help!

I would say that your problem doesn't really seem like a problem at all. The girl likes you, she is showing interest in you, and from what you say, you "love" her. I would continue to keep taking her out to dinner, clubs, etc... spend some real quality time with her and get to know her. communicate and develop a bond with her and let love develop slowly over time. it seems like you're headed in the right direction. have you kissed her yet? if not, then that would be the first step. Just take it slowly with her, respect her and don't push her to do anything. treat her with ultimate respect and go as far intimately as she feels comfortable (not sure if this is what you're asking). communication is the key.

relationship wise, ask her what kinds of things she likes to do, and surprise her. find out her interests and do nice things for her. it should be reciprocal too.

good luck!

Hi, I have a very good friend who seems to be quite a know-it-all. I can't explan it, but it is really bad. it bothers me to an extent, but I have gotten used to it, but basically she's like this with everyone and it is ruining her, but she doesn't see it. she's gotta one-up everyone and talk about herself and how great she is and how much better she is (at something) than them. and basically, she's over-exaggerating.

She was attending grad school last year and basically many people in her class turned on her. and then she was kicked out from that semester from missing too many classes b/c of all her medical problems (some legit, but many never documented by a doctor) (which was a blessing in disguise) and decided to start anew. well, again, second week of class and people are turning on her saying she's narcisisstic know-it-all.

she also thinks she is psychic and can sense things, she also thinks she's a genius. what is she really?.... a drama queen. every week she has a different disease (that miraculously clear up). and it does effect our friendship, b/c she's cancelled plans often b/c of her problems.

But another reason that leads me to think she's overexaggerating is he fact that she does this all this time in other areas. every time she meets someone, she tells others they love her and that now the're best friends- with band members (who she speaks to once), bartnenders (who barely talk to her other than taking drink orders), interviewers (never gets the job), etc... it's embarrasing when she tells others in front of me, b/c these stories are inaccurate (I was there and cannot agree with her).

How do I tell her this? I just feel bad for her. I've told her to consider what she says b/c not everyone maybe understanding of her "talents" and might take it in the wrong way. She just doesn't get it. she thinks everyone else is to blame. and maybe, to an extent.

sorry for rambling. how do I handle this?

I lost my virginity at age 18 when I first went to college and it was definitely with the wrong person. I waited about wo months to make sure he cared about me and that we were in a committed relationship. But I still wasn't ready. I had a loving relationship in high school (for two years) and we didn't have sex (we did do other things) but I wasn't ready at the time. Then college came along and I felt that I sort of has to at this point. and my boyfrind pressured me. Don't let anyone pressure you. I think Iw as more ready with the first guy than with this new guy. My first love had been supportive and waited for me all that time- this new guy wouldn't wait any longer and I had sex for the first time while I was drunk- big mistake. We were protected, but I cried for days. I was emotionally not ready. I say wait until you are in a loving \, committed relatiosnhip. For the first time at least, i would wait at least a year, until you love the other person. If you have other sexual relationships after him, wait at least 2-3 months (at the least) to ahve sex with a guy. Just don't give it up that easily. Men will take advantage, have sex and leave. Make sure he's at least staying around for a while. get to knwo the person. You can never predict the future, but you can prepare as best possible. wait, wait, until it is special. your fist is something you always remember. make it special, with someone you love and loves you back. i regret my choice.

Yes, I've been know to daydream and fantasize. Every time my feelings come on so strong, they end up fading as quickly as they came. I would call those feelings mostly infatuation than real love. Real love doesn't come into play until you really know a person. People are in love w/ the idea of being in love and they are blinded by the rose-colored glasses. Often, i find myself planning "our" future, forgetting to live in the moment and this has ruined my last two relationships. Or....it's the other way around. People get so caught up in the moment that they rarely think "is this person compatible for me?" would this person be good to me. do they fill my needs? are they supportive. They get caught up in a fantasy and do not know this person really. Once they get to know the person, they realize that the person is not the person they "fell" for. in fact, sometimes the person is quite different. I've done this before.

I don't want to be mean, but I don't think it's appropriate for your ex's best friend and you getting together. I think it's sort of back-stabbing, even if your ex initiated the break-up. I think feelings are always there- even if they are diminished. i mean he probably had thoughts of you with his best friend. i think dating friends' exes is just plain wrong. can you put yourself in his shoes? he has every right to be pissed. yes, he cares, but not for the reason you think. he feels betrayed by his buddy and you. I mean, if you didn't think there was anything wrong with the picture, then why did his bf try to avoid him in the car at first? and why do you care about what your ex feels about you. and it is apparently obvious that you're hanging around his best friend to make him jealous or get him back, trust me, it's not likely going to work. like what is already happening, this will only drive him further away. it shows a lack of maturity. trying to make someone jealous like that is pretty immature and obvious. it would not leave a good taste about you in his mouth. now, i agree with what azure said about making someone jealous often makes the ex want you more. but this is beyond the ex catching you with another guy- (that's a good jealousy thing). this is just unethical (in my opinion).

if my ex (of a significant at. of time) ever dated a friend of mine, i don't think i could ever speak to either of them.

i am sorry if I offended you, but please reevaluate your situation. i think the way you are trying to get back your ex is all wrong.

I am 25, but it is frightening that 12-16 year olds are having sex these days. When i was that age, I wasn't even thnking about sex. I lost my virginity at age 18. Even then, I didn't know what I was doing. I see these 12 yr old girls wearing sexy, Britney Spears outfits with g-strings hanging out of their low-riders (butt crack and breasts revealed) and I think it is highly inappropriate. There's a difference b/w dressing sexy and dressing slutty. dress slutty, and you will receivve the wrong attention. Many teens think they know what they're doing at that age. They think they know what love is- and they are safe. Honestly, when you begin having sex at age 13, likely you will be sleeping with a lot of people before your married- even if you have long-term relationships. the likelihood of getting married to the guy you slept with at age 13 is slim to none or w/ anyone you date up until the age of at least 22. Many girls are disillusioned and think that each partner may be the one and then give themselves for love. yeah, sex is fun for the girl too, but trust me girls, you don't want to give it up so easily. wait, wait, wait... wait to lose your virginiy and once you lose it, wait to give it up again (with the next guy of course). wait at least 2-3 mos (at least), until you are in a committed relationship, until you are positive the guy cares about you and you know will at least stick around for a while. I still wait 2-3 mos at 25, b/c I just don't want to give it to anyone. and I love sex! and be safe.

I'm not looking for a response, I am just venting at my frustrations and lecturing too.

yes, reconciling with exes can happen whether married or not. i just think when a marriage contract is involved and esp. there are kids inolved, the investment was much greater and thereforeeee the two people should try and resolve their differences. But there are people who have invested love and ime into a relationship- i mean I know people who've dated for 6 years and people who met and were married and divorced within two years. so whch was the greater investment? it really depends on the couple, how close they were, the love involved, athe desire to work it out and the communication. the 6 year relationship could have more potential or the two year marriage. every relationship is different and really, it's the willingness of both people that will truly make the difference.

what a wonderful post. thank you for sharing your insight. i think that was really strong and admirable that you see your situation in a positive light. i remember a post last week where people talked about unselfish love and letting another go so that they can be happier w/ someone else. your situation proved that you are unselfish and you were looking in her best interest. esp. where children are involved-

i think that marriage is a contract for life and that two people should try as hard as possible to stay together and work on their differences- obviously some may be irreconcilable- addictions, domestic abuse, infidelity (and the other person cannot work on the issues), etc... but otherwise, esp. if there is a child involved they should work it out.

I commend you for realizing the importance of this woman trying to work on things with her ex and stepping back to let her do the best thing. it seems you did the right thing. and it's great that exes can try and work things out.

i'd say about 50-75% ( i can't remember the statistic, but it is very high) of women do not orgasm from sexual intercourse. It has nothing to do with the man. he should know this and not feel inadequate nor should you for not having one. I have never had an orgasm from sex- only from hand and oral stimulation- and of course masturbation. The clitoris is not usually direclty stimulated during intercourse and it is very difficult- but it is all in the mind, from what I've heard. try lots of foreplay- let him go down on you for a while and while your aroused, then have sex. Perhpas try being on top- you're more in control and can move your hips (you have more stimulation that way).

i've tried it all, but i just stopped worrying and i enjoy intercourse anyways and i at least have an orgasm from other methods- so i'm happy now.

good luck.

i would say send the letter. it shows that you out a lot of thought into your feelings, but that you are moving on at the same time. i think that sending it will be closure, bc it shows you are moving on but you are also leaving room for the possibility of a reconciliation. the letter indicates that you are very strong and it seems like closure. as with the no contact rule. i don't think it always works. Looking back on exes that I have borken up with and wanted to get back together. I am often too scared to initiate contact even though I broke it off. i think sometimes we need to take risks, because even if you break up w/ someone and time goes by and you want to reconcile, it is difficult for both parties. either person may be afraid to initiate contact. i just broke up with my ex and thinking i may have made the wrong decision, but I'm too afraid to call him for fear that he may not take me seriously again. not sure of my feelings but decided our break-up was best for now.

i think we need to be honest with others and really tell them how we feel- we don't do that often enough. baggage and burns from past relationships cause us to out up walls. i can relate. it's difficult for me to let anyone close so fast.

send the letter. you will feel much better that you did. even if she doesn't respons, at least you will have made your intentions honest and clear and you leave it in her court. if you don't send the letter, i think you may regret not sharing your feelings. life is about risk. sometimes, we need to wear our hearts on our sleeves. rejection is tough, but inevitable.

I can totally relate to your situation. Gosh, it's so hard after college. It seems like since all my friends left- it's really hard to make new friend. Really close friendships from my past just seem to fade (now that they're living in a new city). I am pretty outgoing, can initaite conversations, and I pretty much get along with everyone. I am not a yes person. I can hold my own in conversation, but I can't get past the small talk BS and actually make close friend.s I have tons of acquaintances- I am the Director of a Young Leadership professionals group. The people I know are not normally people I would hang out with, but I've kept an opne mind. It seems like the friends I have recently made over the past four years since college are either married or in serious relationships and have absolutely no time for me. It sucks, cause I just feel so alone. Where do I go? I think finding freidnships is harder than finding boyfriends or guys as friends. I have no problem making male friends. I just get along better with them. Girls tend to be a little snotty sometimes and yes, backstabbers, unloyal. It seems like I can get dates or boyfriends, but I want some good, close girlfriends. It seems that anyone I do want to become friends with already has their life establsihed and has no room for new ones. and I'm insecure. It's hard to ask a girl out for lunch or to hang out or whatever. It just seems so weird past college. and I meet tons of young people all the time. but can't seem to get past the professional status of small talk. and being in a town thousands of miles away from where I grew up, i have no family or friend support base. what do people do these days to make friends.

thank you for your advice. I know I need to be strong and independent. That's why I broke up with him. I didn't want to feel used- that would only eat away at my self-esteem. None of my friends liked him and basically thought he was using me as a conveneience for the year ntil he moved away. I needed to maintain my pride and confidence that I will not let someone manipulate my feelings and be soemthign I am not- a girl ewho can have fun. but should I remain friends with him?

I know I need support of my friends. I wish I had some here. I find it very difficult to meet anyone where I live. I really don't have that many friends. I really only have one close friend left here and she has a boyfriend she is with all the time. I have two other periferal frinds, one is married and the other works all the time. It's very lonely. I've always had long-term relationships until I broke up with my ex of four years. All my college friends left this city. It's very difficult to make new friends as an adult out of college four years. I go to Young Professionals groups, etc... I'm even the Director of a Young Leadership Division and I am acquaintances with over 100 young community-active professionals in the town. none of them are people that I would really hang out with, but at least I try. I've been very open-minded- I used to hang out with artsy, independent film, types, but I've been very open to friendships with others. I make acuaintances all the time, but I can't seem to get past that professional status. I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I can initiate conersations (for the most part), I'm pretty friendly and I talk to many people. I used to be more shy but got over that in my job. My recent ex- who I just broke up with (who I met through my job) thinks that I'm pretty outgoing and hold great conversations with people and that I'm prety interesting. I have low self-esteem, but I'm okay in social situations and I make sure I get out to all types of community events where there is young people. I can talk about current events, politics, film, literature, music (i have varied interests). I have no problem making guy friends or finding dates, but I just can't seem to make any girl friends. What's wrong with me? why is it so difficult. I just can't seem to get the nerve to say to a girl, hey, would you like to get together for lunch or something. why is that? and how do i do it? I'm afraid of rejection, esp. since I have no friends. You see, if I at least had a few friends, it would be mich easier, cause then I wouldn't feel like such a loser. If i had a few friends, then I could say somethign like, hey do you want to hang out with my and my friends. or if I were new to a city, then I could use the excuse that I was new (then I wouldn't have any friends anyway). There were a few people that I met and I called, but they never really called back. I don't know. I feel so alone. help me. I get along so great with guys, but I just want a few more good girl friends.

Hello, I just broke up with my boyfriend last night. I broke it off with him and now I'm regretting it. However, I know it will never work out. I am just so confused. We've been dating for three mos. He's told me at the beginning that he is not looking for marriage (he's in med school and very busy) and will be doing his residency (more than likely 1500 miles away). I was standoffish at first and then recently tried to have a more open-mind and "live in the moment"- as he has always tried to tell me. But I didn't like the fact that he told me that he's leaving next year and that he hopes we will always remain friends. He told me that he is so glad that he's finally met someone who's not looking for marriage and that he doesn't feel trapped like he did in his last rleationship. Though he's just told me the other day that he's so lucky that he's finally found someone that he loves sepnding time with and is so physically and mentally attracted to. He told me he was devloping feelings for me and really cared about me. But he's busy and I always have to see him on his schedule. So, I didn't like the expiration date thing for our relationship, so I broke it off with him. Now, I'm extermely depressed. We had plans to go on vacation together and for my birthday. He was always so nice to me and really was great. We have amazing conversations and I was starting to have feelings for him. But there's also the negatives. He said to me that he sacrificed his studies for me. "What the hell does that mean?" Isn't that the meanest thing you've ever heard?

But the sex was great. We started developing an emotional bond. Al the elements were there, except for the fatc that he's leaving next year and hasn't even left the open possibility of anything. He warned me at the beginning and just last week. So I ended it. But it's probably harder on me than it will be on him. He's got girls just wanting to be with him.

He wished me good luck and told me that he hopes I find what I'm looking for and that he wants me to be happy. I could have probably gone on dating him for a little while longer, but I was afraid my heart would just get too involved. esp. by next year, when he would leave. (and I know we would have been together for the entire year until he leaves). Gosh, it's so convenient for him. He gets sex all the time and "no strings."

Well, I don't know if I made the right decision. I miss him so much and my heart just aches. Even though it's only been three months. but it would be much worse next year. I'm not looking for marriage, but i'd like to be in a relationship with open possibilites. I never regret the time I spent with my exes. I cherish the moments I spent with them. and I know, the next relationship I get into may not end in marriage. I may have many more relationships after this one and I won't regret investing my heart into them. But I don't like expiration dates made by the otehr person. It doesn't give room for your heart to grow together.

What do I do. Did I make the right choice? Could he have perhaps chnaged his mind later next year, if he falls in love with me?

Please help me!

Oh sorry, I guess when i posted I forgot that it was marriage. see how I used the word dating. i was in my own head when i wrote this and I was bringing in my bias opinion about dating. I'm sorry, you see I saw the word, trapped and my emotions started rising. I'm just bitter now, i guess, because my boyfriend and I just broke up today- i broke up with him- something about him hoping that I don't make him "feel trapped" like his last girlfriend I really don't like that word right now. i truly take that back.

I definitely think then that you should work on your marriage. Marriage is forever. you did make that commitment and since the emotional is there, it definitley could be worked out. it's probably the reality that's setting in that is causing you to feel this way- the forever part can be really scary. i'm telling you, often times we wonder, what if? but honestly, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. i was in a relationship for four years and I broke up with him b/c I started getting anxious, what if? wanting to see what else is out there, feeling trapped and bored with the every day monotony. but honestly, i regret it to this day.

if you love your wife dearly, you should continue to seek prof. help and things hopefully will continue to improve. when you've put so much investment into a relationship like that, it's worth the effort in trying to mend it.

again, I'm really sorry. i don't mean to bring my bitterness into this forum when i'm trying to give advice.

Oh sorry, I guess when i posted I forgot that it was marriage. see how I used the word dating. i was in my own head when i wrote this and I was bringing in my bias opinion about dating. I'm sorry, you see I saw the word, trapped and my emotions started rising. I'm just bitter now, i guess, because my boyfriend and I just broke up today- i broke up with him- something about him hoping that I don't make him "feel trapped" like his last girlfriend I really don't like that word right now. i truly take that back.

I definitely think then that you should work on your marriage. Marriage is forever. you did make that commitment and since the emotional is there, it definitley could be worked out. it's probably the reality that's setting in that is causing you to feel this way- the forever part can be really scary. i'm telling you, often times we wonder, what if? but honestly, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. i was in a relationship for four years and I broke up with him b/c I started getting anxious, what if? wanting to see what else is out there, feeling trapped and bored with the every day monotony. but honestly, i regret it to this day.

if you love your wife dearly, you should continue to seek prof. help and things hopefully will continue to improve. when you've put so much investment into a relationship like that, it's worth the effort in trying to mend it.

again, I'm really sorry. i don't mean to bring my bitterness into this forum when i'm trying to give advice.

I think you need both physical and emotional for a relationship to work. The physical can grow to some extent, but there has to be some sort of attraction there to begin with. Please break up with her. It's not going to get any better. If you had both, then I would say work on it, it could just mean that you're afraid of commitment or are scared. That tends to happen when you move in with someone. Taking that step is quite scary, even for a woman. I' felt that way after I moved in with my ex.

Don't continue to string her along in a relationship that you feel "trapped" in. Dating should not be a prison sentence. It should be enjoyable for the most part. You can get out of the elationship if you want to. So don't feel trapped. You have to won your won feelings.

the thing is, he wants an exclusive long-term relationship (convenient for the year before he leaves). we see each other pretty regularly. although he is very busy with medical school, we see each other at least three times a week. I've met all his friends and hang out with them, too and when I met a few of the girls from his med school a couple of weeks ago, they all said, "it's finally great to meet you. we've heard so much about you." this happens every time I meet new frinds of his. His family knows about me. I've been to his medical prom. he takes me out to dinner and treats me pretty good- i've had to communicate my desires.

He told me th other day, that he feels so lucky to have finally met someone whom he feels very close to and physically attracted to. He said he's never had both, where he feels he can tell me anything. I said to him, are you crazy? I only date people that I am attracted to and have the possibilty of feeling close to- and usually, I obtain a certain level of closeness with my boyfriends. At least that's what I want and get by communicating. I don't just date one or the other. he didn't understand. We are getting closer and we have even planned a trip together this fall and planning stuff to do together over the next year- it's just strange knowing it's going to end. But I am having fun, but will know I get hurt in the end. DO you think he could develop feelings for me or will just block them? I don't think I will be okay with this type of relationship, but do I take the chance? If he were staying just one more year, then i'd consider giving him the chance, but one year is just not enough time to devlop such as strong bond.

But I don't wan to break up. How do I communicate my feelings about this? I guess I can just tell him that if he doesn't see it going anywhere, then i have the right to pursue other relationships and not commit myself to him. But I can't just date many people. I'm not wired that way. It's so confusing. Sorry for rambling.

I have been dating this guy since February. I was sort of dating two guys at the same time, causally, non-committal, wanted one, but that didn't work out, so I sort of started getting serious with this guy. He is going into his fourth year of med school and will probably be going to do his residency 1300 miles away. At first I liked this guy, but was pushing him away b/c I knew he was leaving in a year and really didn't want to invest my emotions in something I knew was going nowhere. He wasn't exactly what I wanted personality wise, but he's great on paper. He cares about people, very philanthropic, intelligent, cultural, artsy, passionate about so many things in life (film, art, politics, current events) and we just have a grea time together. Over the past three months, I casually dated him, looking for other dating oppty's (didn't really consider him my boyfriend) until recently. I almost broke up with him several times.

He told me from the beginning he was not looking for marriage and at first that pissed me off, b/c I am not looking for marriage right now, but I'd like to date someone who has the potential, but you never know. I don't want something with a finite end date- like Expiration Date: May 1, 2005. I just dread for that date- when it will all be over- his graduation. I am positive it won't go any further than that. We've been getting along really great and the sex is now really amazing. We do great things for each other and he is mentally stable (unlike the other guy I dated). However, he told me again, last night that he is so glad that I am not the kind of girl looking for marriage and he is so happy that he doesn't feel trapped (like in his last relationship). We talked about it and basically, I said to him that I know that this relationship is going to end next year and I accepted it. (I am aware rationally, but my heart just aches).

Not that I'm in love yet, but I could definitley fall in love at some point. I just recently started to have feelings. He even went along to say that when he leaves for residency he hopes that we will always remain friends (God, I feel like it's a break-up already) because he's not ready for anything so committed at this stage in his life. He says that he can't understand why women always say things like "why should I invest my heart into this if there is no potential for marriage." He lives by the philosphy have fun and live in the moment. I agree wholeheartedly, but he basically told me that I'm not the one and that it is ending next year. Yet, he makes plans with me to go skiing in December (way far from now) and really wants me to be exclusive and in a committed relationship with him for now. What do I do? Do I risk getting hurt, knowing it will end? or do I have fun and live in the moment. Why do guys make girls out to seem like the needy, insecure types, just b/c they want a relationship with the potential for marriage. No, I don't want to get married tomorrow or even next year, but what is so wrong with wanting to have possibilty for a future? the thing is, I never even brought up the marriage thing, he did. It's like all these guys and their disclaimers so early. Why doom it from the beginning. It really makes me feel like crap. I guess they're doing me a favor by giving me the option at the beginning whether or not to break up with them and not leading me on.

this is basically the same story as with the other guy I recently dated.

just saw the last comic. very cute. Hey, just realized, you're just right around the corner from where I grew up. just one town over- E.B.

that was awesme. brief and to the point. I definitely can relate to both of the comice. you've got some real talent. glad you're putting it to good use. keep up with it. and bring us more. I could use a good laugh sometimes.

take things slowly. it's only been two dates and small talk is still necessary at this point. ask her about her friends, family, music, film, ask her what she thinks about what's going on with iraq, in thw world. small talk is going to be needed at first before the two of you can establish a bond of trust.

After a few more dates, then open up to her. first things first. tell her more about you. the only way to get her to open up, is if you open up first- so share.

tell her a story about your friends and family. that will make her feel more comfortable to open up to you. ask her about her family, ask her about her childhood- what did she want to be growing up? did she go to camp, etc...share silly stories. it might bring her closer to you. But remember, you must establish the bond first, but before that, small talk is a part of getting to know the other person to see whether or not you are compatible.

Just a suggestion.

this takes time. you can't expect to be best friends overnight.

so basically you're saying you can only get an orgasm from oral sex? you can't get it from sex? Do you masturbate a lot? i'm saying this b/c i had problems with an ex who couldn't get off from sex b/c he was so used to the way he masturbated. Now I'm not saying masturbating every day is too much. hey, i don't care as long as it doesn't effect our sex life. Well, I did research and basically did an experiment and asked him to not masturbate for two days. he finally had an orgasm from sex.

I know, men love oral sex. It can get very tiring for a girl to use her mouth for that long. ask her to use her use her mouth along with her hands- mix it up. It works.

no offense taken. You are what you are and you shouldn' be ashamed. At least you're finally coming to terms with your sexuality. Many who are gay area a little afraid of coming out. I can imagine how frightening it would be.

to tell your friends and family. It just takes a little getting used to. Do you not want to have sex with a man because you're afraid? do you see yourself in a commited relationship with a man? it's okay to be confused. you'll realize what you want. it is confusing at the beginning. (i have lots of gay male friends and i always ask them questions about how they knew, came out, etc...) and it was very hard on them at the beginning. But I can't speak for everyone. Just speaking for my friends. good luck! Some gay men get married, have kids and then realize later in life that they're gay and then a whole family is torn apart. these men have suppresed their desires for so long, b/c they're afraid of the repercussions or afraid of their sexuality. Better you realize now than later. Good luck. I hope you are happy. that's what's important.

hey there, i can understand how much you love this girl, and I cannot claim to say whether it's real or not. love is love. But please take off the rose-colored glasses for a minute. You say this girl is a god-loving christian and that she would never just fall for someone so quickly. Well, she did. at least twice. She sounds like she's in love w/ the idea of being in love- for the intense adrenaline rush that you get at the beginning stages. I don't think she really understands the true term. I can understand that you love her and want to be there with her, but the only thing you can do right now is just be a friend and try and help her through her issues- and only if she wants you to. It seems lke there is no reasoning with her right now and no matter what you do, you'll only push her farther into this guys's arms. He's new for her and she probably is "drunk" or "drugged" with its newness. She ran from you b/c the drugged feeling wore off. This kind of behavior is obvious in her drug use too. She will come back to you- I pretty much can sense it- from knowing people with this behavior (even I have experienced this before- not to this extent, but I undertsnad the "in love with the idea thing"). But beware- the push/pull cycle will continue. People with manic depression have a serious problem. the levels are somewhat different, but she sounds like she has it pretty serious. I know you want to be there for her and make her realize that this new uy is a big mistake- but she has to realize it herself. Trust me on this on. She will eventually realize it. the "drug" (him) will wear off. and she'll start pulling the same crap. but maybe he won't be fooled and won't stand for this type of unhealthy behavior.

the only thing I can say is try and be her friend and tell her you'll be there when she needs you, but don't fight for her. Let her come to you. I wish you luck and I hope she gets the help she needs.

I ahven't read any of the responses, so if i repeat anything, sorry. She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. I have no right to diagnose, but she needs professional counseling. it usually affects women, b ut in some cases men too. They often form codependent relatioships with others. very intense at the beginning and then pull away. they begine fights over meaningless things to get attention. when they have their love affection, they push away and then freak out if they can't have that person. it's like "i can't live with or without you- literally" borderlines are suicidal and manipulative- ver commitment-phobic, needy when they can't have you and visa versa. sorry, this is very unstable and not healthy. i say get out. you are going to go crazy yourself from this type of relationship. it's a drug for both of you. it's really intense at first and then once you become tolerated, those intense feelings of "love" are no longer as intense. so to get that intensity back, she pulls away and causes drama to recreate that intensity that has subsided. Love shouldn't be obsessive like that. sounds liek there could be some fatal attraction. pardon the use of words.