sweetharmony

In fact, if she likes you, the month apart will do you well. I agree with everyone else. I would def. not change my class b/c of the fear of looking too needy and willing to change your schedule too early for a guy. In fact, the guy I dated for 9 months liked me for that very reason. I was so busy all the time, had my own life and it was a little challenge for him. Don't worry at all. this shows she's a strong, interesting person.

anyways, good luck.

deleted deleted deleted

deleted deleted deleted

I don't think it's healthy to be too large or too skinny. Yes, everything is personal preference, but many people usually are attracted to an average, healthy weight. Perhaps I am a little shallow with what I am about to say, but I have to be attracted to the person I'm dating. I never go for model looks or muscular bodies. On the contrary. i am pretty realistic and I am attracted to classical, thin to average tall man, with boyish looks. I've been told that I am a cute, thin girl and I am attracted to the same. In fact, most of my girlfriends think I have bad taste. But I like a guy with a healthy weight. Intelligence, creativity and other personality factors play a more important role in the man I will date... but... I must be attracted to the man. A relationship cannot survive if the one person isn't attracted to the other. There are definitely men out there attracted to large women and some to anorexic looking skinny women. It's also about lifestye and people often choose others based on their own lifestyle.

I have felt this way. often, the first 6 months to a year of the relationship, you are in the honeymoon phase. You mistake infatuation for love. Those exciting feelings you have for your boyfriend/ girlfriend is really intense chemical interactions. Those feelings eventually subside and then the real love begins when there is real commitment and trust. some people feel like they "fall out of love," b/c they don't have those passionate feelings anymore. they want those feelings again, but since you've been dating for a while, the novelty is gone- it's too familiar. thereforeeee, the person breaks up with the boyfriend in search for that passion again, only to realize that they really do miss and care for the person. Of course, this is not every case, but it rings true for some, particularly for me. Luckily, I've learned that it is possibly to bring the passion back into a relationship and that the routine, boring friendship phase with complete commitment. love, trust and repsect is worth more than a few months of passion. I'm still known to get ancy and bored when the relationship hits that plateua. But I learned what's real and what's not.

iceman, i don't mean to be harsh, but I think you are overgeneralizing. yes, the roles b/w man and woman have clearly diminished, but you can't say that men and women are losing respect for each other b/c of this. that is an opinion. i tend to think the opposite. granted, i am still traditional- i want to be the one who stays at home for a few years while raising my children and be the PTA mom, but i respect other's lifestyles. I think it's great to see women in executive positions, making making the sma eif not more than theiur husbands. I don't think any less of them. i think there are men that repect that as well and feel that it's great that the financial burden hasn't been thrust solely upon them. the impt. thing is that the couple is on the same page in terms of how they want to raise their kids and what role each spouse plays- who's foing the cooking, is it shared, who's working or both. etc...

this is my favorite topic as I am so scared by marriage yet really desire to have a successful one. so, i stay positive and will work hard at making it right. It would be a police state if we required counselling for everyone. i just think it's a good idea for people to take upon themselves- and not the counselling you think of, more in terms of a marriage counsellor/ workshop- how to have a successful marriage, goal setting, and realistic expectations.

With the divorce rate so high, I am fearful that I may have an unfaithful husband or poor marriage... which is why I really read so much on what makes a successful marriage- defining goals and making sure your partner has the same goals. Loving someone isn't enough. Divorce, as I read is often a product of differing financial lifesyles- ie. one person spending too much, not enough money in the home, etc.. It's impt. to discuss these behaviors and goals with your future partner and make sure that you are both realistically headed for success or failure. You really need to be on the smae page. Dating and romance are fun- but bills, diapers, baby bottles, and mortgages are another story. A few simple questions could save couples years of aggravation and resentment. You must know your partner's financial spending style, career plans, number of kids each of you plan on having, are you both going to work, does the wife want to stay home and raise the children and for how long?

one example-a man and women come together, both with succcessful careers and then when the children are born, the mother decides she wants to stay home. Well, the husband never knew this and now their disposable income is cut in half. These issues can tear a husband and wife apart.

Goals are always chnaging and you can't forsee what your spouse will be like 20 years from now, but there are some common values/ goals that they have an these must be discussed prior.

I wouldn't ask him why he doesn't e-mail. it's still pretty early in the relationship and he may be scared of getting to close too soon. My most recent ex boyfriend and I started off pretty slowly, maybe only calling twice/ three times week. Then after a few months it became every day, once we were truly established. He may not want to come on too strong, which is understandable. give the guy a chance and just let him know that you'd like to hear from him more. say something like, "i really like getting e-mails from you" or hearing your voice every day. don't put him on the defensive by asking him why he doesn't call. that's pretty normal after only one month. In fact, i like that better b/c it shows that he's a more patient type of person and is taking it slowly. If after three months, then it may be a problem. just make light of it and try and encourage him to call more by letting him know it pleases you. that's the most mature thing. mayeb he'll be glad you did.

I wouldn't ask him why he doesn't e-mail. it's still pretty early in the relationship and he may be scared of getting to close too soon. My most recent ex boyfriend and I started off pretty slowly, maybe only calling twice/ three times week. Then after a few months it became every day, once we were truly established. He may not want to come on too strong, which is understandable. give the guy a chance and just let him knwo that you'd like to hear from him more. say something like, "i really like getting e-mails from you" or hearing your voice every day. don't put him on the defensive by asking him why he doesn't call. that's pretty normal after only one month. In fact, i like that better b/c it shows that he's a more patient type of person and is taking it slowly. If after two three minths, then it may be a problem. just make light of it and try and encourage him to call more by letting him know it pleases you. that's the most mature thing. mayeb he'll be glad you did.

I don't think divorce should be banned, but I do think all couples getting married should go through some couples counselling/ marriage workshops prior to getting married. I think a lot of people are disillusioned as to what a marriage is and really entails. Some people get bored "after the "honeymoon is over" and don't know how to cope. I don't think a lot of people these days realize what true commitment is. Although I don't think divorce should be banned, I do believe that since it is relatively easy, more people aren't working hard enough to save their marriage. I think divorce should also be difficult. I believe couples should be required to go to counselling as well and if the differences are irreconcilable, then divorce would be imminent. I don't think people should stay in marriages if they are truly unhappy, b/c parents who fight all the time and don not love one another can be emotionally detrimental to each spouse and the children as well. imho

I don't want to sound harsh, but this guy sounds confused and doesn't know what he wants. Even if he does like you, he is not over the ex. he probably realizes the relationship with the ex should be over, but he doesn't want to let go and he is keeping you waiting in the wings. he is having his cake and eat it too. I had a rebound relationship. I broke up with my ex of four years only to find myself in a relationship with a new guy immediately after. in fact, i was talking to the guy before i broke up with my ex (but we didn't sleep together until a month after the break-up. he was a great guy, treated me well- but unfortunately I just used him (not knowingly) as a way to get out of my four year relationship and to numb myself from the pain. yes, even the dumper goes through severe pain. once i realized what i was truly doing, i freaked out and hurt the new guy pretty bad. he had "fallen in love" with me (to his belief) and I started to feel the pain of my break-up and realized i was numbing myself with this "fake new love." I broke down and realized I made a big mistake.

if this guy likes you, let him come to you. break off contact and put a stand to him. let him know you won't tolerate this and when he's ready to begin a new relationship, then perhaps you might be too. But he needs time to get over his feelings. clearly he isn't. he needs some time to figure out what he wants and you're giving your self respect to him too easy. if you don't take a stand to the fact that he cheated, he's going to do it again and again. he's already gone back and forth several times. please keep your dignity and respect and walk away now. you don't want to be made a fool. if he truly cares about you and wants to start something he will understand your point of view and realize that what he's doing is wrong. then, he will come to you when he resolves his feelings and is over the ex. good luck.

I am in the exact position as you are. I basically told my "friend" that I wanted something a little more, but since he wasn't ready for girlfriend (meaning, I'm not interested in you that way)- that everything was going to stop. But I told him that everything was cool between us and that our friendship is important.

if you are interested in more, at least put it on the line. he might not know how you're feeling. then leave it at that.

i agree w/ sisterlynch on the waiting until your ready. Great sex is difficult to define. sometimes nice and sweet and loving is great- really slow, moving to sensual music, staring into my boyfriend's eyes and whispering loving words is incredible and passionate and other times talking dirty, rough play can be fun. the most important thing is the comfort level you have with your partner, the feelings and trust you have for one another. that's key. some of my girlfriend's like sex to get off. since i cannot get off from sex, I need the intimacy and trust.

also, teasing can be really fun. it makes you want it that much more. lots of foreplay is key. kissing all over the body- softly and passionately. again, it really depends on my mood. and another key is communication with your partner- pleasing them but also letting them know what pleases you(in a subtle way of course). but

shakespeare said it best: "Study the Past" and "What is Past is Prologue."

there's a reason these statements are listed on two separate statues outside of the National Archives on Pennsylvania Avenue.

I agree with Raykay. You need to start making plans without him. I would let him know firmly that I want to get married and that after 8 years he should know. Tell him that you ahve plans in your life and that marriage was part of those plans and that if he wants to join you, he's more than welcome, but if not, then you are planning to move forward in your life solo. Don't give him an ultimatum- it's a choice. do't settle your life any longer for this man. you are certainly not being unreasonable at all. 8 years is way long enough. and stick to your word if he doesn't follow. if he's still scared after 8 years, how much longer is it going to take? how long does he need- 20years?

it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. she's playing mind games with you big time. don't worry what she thinks- she thinks one thing one day and another thing another day. just don't call her- don't warn her. just begin no contact. answer her phone calls, but let her know that you can't do this anymore. she broke up with you and you need to move on. she's seeing other people, so you need to heal and talking and seeing one another is just not healthy for either of you. let her know all these truthful thing. don't play games back. just be honest. she is going to see other men either way- you didn't f-up or anything. she didn't get back together with you and even when things seemed to be good-you both were shopping etc...she still admitted to having given guys her number- so whatever negative image she says she has- is not just from this minor incident. she probably was just saying this on a blurt of the moment thing. don't stress about it- move on.

sort of follow his lead. I usually lead, though. first I like to start slow, by kissing the guy's upper lip- long and passionately, then sort of give a little tongue for a seconds and then kiss the lips again. but sometimes you want to give more tongue and alternate. kissing is like dancing. it's not always the same- soemtimes really nice and hard or with soft kisses. but don't suck face or give tonsel hockey- your tongue should gently round witht he other person's tongue.

I find intelligence is very sexy in a man- not IQ, but someone who is well-read and has various interests in culture- keeps up on current events, likes varous types of music, classical, jazz, etc...someone who has many interests- art, film, politics, and who is adventurous. also, someone who is a good person. treats others with respect, philanthropic- lieks to volunteer or interested in cahrity (even if he doesn't have money- just the desire to help others). someone who treats my friends with the same respect as he treats me (this is the number one impt. sense of character in a man). If he's wiht my friends, he should talk with them and also find out their interests. THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE IMPT. thing in a man- that not only he treats me with repsect, he treats everyone else with respect. someone who is open-minded and non-judgemental towards anyone- i don't tolerate this at all.

also, distinguished, boyish looks don't hurt. clean, well-mannered, gosh humans are so complex, you can't really pigeon hole what you like in a guy- there's too much to name!

It's all a matter of personal preference. I happen to be attracted to tall pale blonde/blue guys/ with the norweigian/ irish features. But my last boyfriend was tall and dark, hungarian/ romanian/argentine features. I find attraction in all types of men.

I broke up with my ex of 9 months over the phone last Wed. (he's in South America for the month) on rotation. I regret doing it over the phone and not waiting until he got back but I was angry for a number of reasons (in other posts). I've posted here and the concensus was to break up with him- b/c he's leaving for medical residency in 6 months and told me he's not sure if he sees me in his future. I miss him so much. He's e-mailed me a few times wanting to share with me some of the things he's doing down there. i e-mailed him back very casually, like "great, glad you're having fun!" very nonchalant. I'm the one who broke up with him, but I feel like he broke up with me. I'm the one struggling with no-contact. He's coming home next week and I'm supposed to get my stuff back from his some. It's going to kill me to see him- since it's been a month now. I'm afraid I'll be weak and he'll lure me back into a relationship- since he really didn't accept the break-up anyways- he said, "we'll see when I get back how we still feel-let's just take a break." I said, No, I can't do this to myself and I don't think he really belied me. I can't be weak, yet I'm afraid I will be. I feel so empty right now without him. I really cared for him. But I can't be his temporary girlfriend. If he would only say, "I don't knwo what the future holds, but right now I see you in it." then I would feel better, but he didn't say that. I wasn't asking for marriage, just possibilities, open opportunities.

Sorry for venting, just needing to get this out. any advice how to cope would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[iI agree with Foz. You need to get out of the situation. You can't spend 6 more month swith him. How are you supposed to heal after the breakup? you or he needs to move out and rent the other room. Talk about it and decide who it will be. Maybe you should even take the initiative to put a roommate ad on link removed (for free) or in the paper. You cannot stay in this situation. It will be awkward for you. [/i]

Quarter life crisis- trying to find yourslef is a life-time task. I don't think we truly know ourselves until we are old. There are so many questions and so many variable answers. We just have to be confident that the decisions we make is the right one and not be so hard on ourselves. This is my issues. I always feel as though I've made the wrong decision- whatever it was and constantly replay in my head what could have been.

The best thing to do is face the decision you make with confidence and not look back. always look forward.

Every day we are constantly changing our minds as opportunities come up, new interests are formed and situations occur. We just have to take life as it comes and hopefully feel good in the decisions we make, whether we fail or succeed. Hopefully, the goal is to feel good about yourself, decisions, and constantly take on new challenges so that we can grow into who we want to become.

Sorry if my post came accross as snooty, I didn't intend for it to. There are so many types of intelligence, you cannot categorize a single person as intelligent or not intelligent. Emotional intelligence, according to the magazine utne, is the most signifcant indicator on how well one will succeed in life- now what is success, you ask? who knows? to some, it's money, to others, i't s creating art or a family or being an olympic gold medalist- so what are they talking about- you cannot measure intelligence or success- it's all relative. Humans are so complex. Even the not so brightest individuals (one wiht small IQs) can have incredible qualities such as creativity, street smarts, common sense, a good heart, philanthropic, varied interests, athletic abilities (sorry if I'm reiterating what someone said earlier, I'm just agreeing). There's no smart or not so smart people. For me, I enjoy people who can think for themselves and have an opinion on issues. As long as they can carry a conversation, they are great! don't even agree with me! just have an opinion and not someone elses. to me, as long as someoone is a good person, their IQ does not mean much.

I don't think that's the case. I think many men are looking for brainy girls. In fact, a lot of the men I know. Unfortunately, you or your friends are hanging out with the wrong men. Join an art, book, or literary club, go to independent film society's. Join groups that bring together intelligent people. Trust me they're out there. Of course, men must be atracted to the woman as well. But most of the men I know aren't really dating beautfiul girls- girls that they can have conversations with and really enjoy spending time with. Keep hope. Yes, there are a lot of men that don't care about brains, but there are other men out there. there are all kinds of men out there.

what your husband is doing is unacceptable. he is cheating on you emotionally esp. keeping his ex-girlfriend's stuff and spying on her as well! That's horrible. you say that you broke up with hur husband b/c of the computer- was he doing anything suspicious that time around- such as looking on web sites for other women- or was he just internet addicted? if you two were just dating, I'd say get out now! but you two are married for 8 years and i think it's always worth salvaging, if possible. tel him really nicely that it really hurts you that he isdoign this to your marriage. i don't know how you handle it, but tyr to work through tit by going and seeing a marriage counselor, if he still says he lvoes you. but he cannot continue this behavior. there's only so much you will stand for.