luminousone

A friend is helping me get ready for yard sale round two, since I still had stuff left to sell and she brought a bunch of stuff to sell too. She is in town also to participate in the Jewish Rosh Hashanah services at the local synagogue. She has come home each night so inspired from each service and if she lived here she would certainly switch to that community. It is interesting to hear about what they do and the rituals and meanings. I can see how similar some things are in Christian practices, but I guess that would make sense considering the origins. I admire her devotion. I have really been in a slump lately. I have been meaning to go to the doctor for a year to talk about getting on an antidepressant. My estrogen blocker meds for the treatment of my breast cancer just make me feel like I have zero motivation or energy. So I finally called to make an appointment for a physical in October. We had a bunch of rain and some thunderstorms yesterday. It was the second rain of the summer. The plants could all use it! Today my ex is starting to move in with his gf. They've been together for 3 years (we split up 4 years ago). Ironically today would have been our 21st anniversary with 26 years together if we hadn't split up. A friend asked me how I felt about his move. Really surprised that I am fine with it all. I have no desire to be with him and I treasure the release from the tensions and the dysfunctions we had together. Not sure how long their live-in relationship will last. My younger son isn't very happy moving in with her only because the house is way too small. My older son will be off to college so it won't be as much of an issue with him. Today-errands, prepare for the sale tomorrow, clean house, pay some bills... Oh- bad news- my neighbor who lives 4 blocks up the street said her house was broken into yesterday. Her wedding rings and some jewelry (heirlooms) were stolen. Her son's birth certificate was stolen too. Ugh! We had a lot of break-ins here about 5 years ago and then sporadically the past few years, but I had not heard about any this summer until now. I hate having to worry!

My son had a fun birthday- he has a friend that is still recuperating from a motorcycle accident (lost control avoiding a deer at night) and so he and his buddies went over to his place for a movie marathon. They got him a Sesame Street cake which I thought was hilarious. Anyway they all had so much fun, and I was proud of him for including his injured friend. Afterwards his girlfriend took him out for cheesecake.

My son has turned eighteen !!! Where did the time go...

I don't but a friend does and she is coming to visit next week. I'll be sure to watch it! My son uses my ex's girlfriend's Netflix when he comes to my house and I was mortified! But then they called him one Saturday night because she couldn't remember her password, so I guess she does know he is using it after all...

"Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness" by Susannah Cahalan. A gripping true story as relayed by a New York journalist. A true medical mystery that will have you in the edge of your chair. I bet it will be made into a movie. I also think that it has given us a crack of information that will be invaluable in understanding and treating schizophrenia and bipolar- or at least some of the cases.

I just read a fascinating book called "Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness" by Susannah Cahalan. Just wow. It is a true story and a medical mystery of what happened to a New York journalist. All I can say is that I believe this will give some valuable information and insight into understanding and possibly treating some cases of bipolar, schizophrenia, and they even think possibly autism. I bet there will be a movie about this. It is a very compelling story.

Silver, if I could deduct the cost of an accountant I'd be going there! That is great you are able to do that.

Silver: so glad you finally heard from your son! As far as the behavior issues, I have heard that girls can be more challenging at this age. I hAve boys, so I wouldn't know. But even then, each boy has his own personality and with that comes their unique set of challenges and gifts and qualities. My younger son is now grounded for a week or more because he took off and ride his bike to the other side of town and didn't tell me who he was with. To top it off, he said he had thrown up sometime yesterday afternoon (and didn't call me about it) and yet I had to chase him down finally at 7 pm and go to pick him and his bike up. I grilled him on what he had been up to and there are inconsistencies in his story. So I basically told him that his friends can come to our house after this week, but he is done going over to that side of town because he didn't choose to handle the responsibilities that come along with the privileges. I don't trust him any more.Aargh. My older son seems to be taking his Prozac and vitamin D each night. He forgot last night, so I reminded him. He goes to college in 3 weeks- I truly hope he will find a way to remember on his own. Vic: thanks for the info. I thought I saw a spark in my son once he started the meds but he is back to his old tricks of hanging out on the computer into the wee hours of the night. I made him go to bed at 12:30 last night. The night before I went to bed and apparently both boys stayed up until 3 am (which might explain why my younger son got sick?). I lose out on my own sleep trying to monitor my kids, but it has to be done. School is just around the corner. Silver: I am clueless about the health insurance and taxes. I do think I got some tax credit last year? But my ex did my taxes for me (or rather he guided me to do it) and I have not done my own taxes for 20 years. We were separated for 4 years but the divorce went through last fall. This year I will have to figure it out on my own. And then the government is changing how the health care coverage happens. But the insurance agent said I am low enough income that I might receive tax credit for almost all of the cost of the insurance. And that would be a relief. They are still haggling about it all at the government level so who knows how it will all turn out for 2014. If I got a full time job then I would get health insurance, but I have been applying and it is hard to find a job at my age when I have been a stay at home mom all these years. I really need to update my skill set. Today it it overcast and drizzly and it is nice for a change. We have had literally 2 days of rain all summer! Well I had better get going because I am going to meet a friend and her dog for a long walk. Maybe a hike on some trails nearby.

Hi Silver hope you got through to your son. My kids got home last night. Younger son was so grumpy! But he got over 12 hours sleep last night and is much more enjoyable to be around. Today I had to go meet with the insurance agent to review health insurance plans. In some states the rates will go down but in my case the rates will go up substantially. So the only way to afford it is to choose the plan with the higher deductible. That one will be only $100 more per month but the coverage is way worse. The agent said I will be better getting the coverage through the state starting in January because he thinks I will qualify for a tax credit. The insurance will be about $500 per month just for me. My ex is going to put our kids on his girlfriend's policy and she works for the state so her coverage is phenomenal. They will have dental and vision coverage. It will save us each about $200 per month...

Oh I just checked the online news and they found the body of that boy who was missing. They think it was suicide. How sad for his family! Same age as my older son...

I had a great walk by the river today. My friend's dog knows the sound of my truck and she heard me coming. They were out in a field and as I drove past, she got so excited and really rushed to meet me in the parking lot. Such a greeting committee! my kids are back , and my evening with the boys was a bit challenging- actually with my younger son mostly. They were so exhausted from the music festival and I suspect my 13 year old was left unsupervised for much of the weekend. He said he went to bed at 3 am this morning and he has been so grumpy and full of attitude! However my older son seems perkier this evening and very pleasant to be around. His doctor started him on Prozac on Friday and while the pharmacist said he won't notice any changes in the first month- I see a hint of life in him! I am so encouraged! His blood tests came back fine except his vitamin D levels were extremely low, and that can effect his mood and energy level too. So he started taking that today, and I told him he needs to be outside for at least 15 minutes each day, rain or shine.(And we get a lot of drizzle and rain here in the winter). Fall seems to be around the corner here. School starts in 2 weeks!

My ex called from the music festival yesterday to let me know that the boys would be with them an extra day since the festival was still going on last night. He said that the promoters had some extra tickets so they gave some to my older son and he invited some friends out for some of the concerts. He was also able to get his girlfriend in for some of the concerts. So glad he is having a great time. And my younger son has met up with some friends there too. I am sure they will be exhausted when they get here. And their tents will be soggy, because it really rained yesterday. Going for a walk with a friend today- hope it doesn't rain on us. We will probably walk by the river since her dog likes that walk.

It is 1:40 am here and my son just texted me to remind him to write a thank you note... Sheesh... On the other hand I am glad to hear from him. The missing boy I mentioned earlier is still missing but they think he decided to go in the wild and try to do a survival adventure. I hope he is okay. He is the same age as my son and my heart goes out to his parents. He was supposed to start school this week.

Took my son to the doctor today. He wanted to talk with her about his depression. He is at a very awkward stage in his life- he will turn eighteen in a few weeks and will no longer be seen by his pediatrician. We were going to switch him to an internist a few years ago but the pediatrician told us that they go up to age 18. She is such a great doctor and my younger son goes there so we stayed. So I went to pick up my son for his appointment and he looked so disheveled and he hadn't shaved in a few days. And all I could think was how strange it was to have to take him to a pediatrician when he practically has a beard. Lol. And then I waited in the waiting room during the appointment because my son said he didn't want to have to put a filter on what he said to her. At the end he called me back to go with him to get some lab work done. And the doc came and chatted with me to fill me in informally which I sure appreciated. Once he turns eighteen she will not be able to do that without his permission. So she is putting him on Prozac, because it is one antidepressant that has been approved for his age group. So worried about having him take that, but so worried about him NOT taking anything because he needs the help. I just have to trust in the dr's expertise. The reason we started this with his pediatrician is because he hasn't started college yet. The doctors at the health center are not available for fall students until the end of September. So the ped said she would see him for the next month until he goes to school. The boys are with their dad this week, but their dad's girlfriend is best friends with a couple that are promoters who are putting on an event this weekend. Somehow my ex and the boys are on staff for this event to help out. They are camping there. Not sure how I feel about that- my youngest is 13. But they are good kids and I do hope this is a clean event. Even so, if they see people being stupid then perhaps it will teach them what Not to do... Anyhow, both boys have been talking about this all summer. Tickets to the event were about $175 for the weekend. I think it is electronic music mostly so my kids were excited about that. After my son's dr appointment I had to drive him out to the music festival location since his dad and brother were already there. I knew the traffic would be bad and it certainly was. There was a mile of cars all lined up to get in the entrance. This is at a park that is out in farmlands, so I can only imagined how the local residents felt about all of this. Anyway I got him there and had to rush home because my son's girlfriend got a job selling knife sets door to door and she had made an appointment to do her demonstration with me. I already told my son to tell her that I have no money but that I would be willing to let her practice with me. So she did her presentation and she was very cute. She says she gets paid for each presentation she does. Well I got through it, but I did buy one small thing from her- and she didn't pressure me to because she was already packing things up to go. But I wanted to support her. Life was busy today. My heart is with my sons right now. I wish for them to be safe, happy, and productive. Today when I read the news I saw a report of a young man that was driving his car from Arizona to Washington to go to college. Somehow he ended up missing and they found his car in Oregon somewhere and he is no where to be found. His parents said goodby to him to go to college thinking like he would come back, but it doesn't look like he will be. It just sounds like foul play. So sad. My heart goes out to his parents. I am grateful for the safety and well being of my precious sons. I am grateful for amazing doctors. I am grateful that my son opened up to me about how he feels so we could get him help. I am very grateful for very supportive friends and family!

Silver, I am not sure. First I try white vinegar and water. Borax would have bedn a good choice. I usually use the enzyme stuff for smells, but maybe it works well for old stains too? It might be worth a try. The enzyme is supposed to work on things like urine and kitty urp- ups, etc.

Ha! You must have ESP! I was just researching those black lights. I don't know if the stray cat is marking but when I pulled boxes out from the garage I noticed some things had been sprayed on. I usually but a gallon of this enzymatic cleaner called "Nature's Miracle" that helps me get up those kinds of stains and smells from the carpet. I need to clean my carpet because my elderly cat that I had to put down last spring had developed a drooling issue plus he had a few accidents that I had cleaned up by hand. Right now I am concentrating on clearing stuff out of my house and carpets will be last. The enzyme cleaner works amazingly well.

Well we had a steady trickle of people all day yesterday and sold $180 of stuff. I was hoping we would have sold a lot more, but I am still glad we did it. My younger son said that it didn't matter how much money we made, he was just happy to have stuff cleared out so he can organize his computer area better. I have each son $20 for their help and the rest will be reserved for a future family vacation. I loaded up some things to go to Goodwill and the nicer things will be donated to our church or to friends and some things I will try to sell on ebay. It's good energy getting things organized!

Phew! All ready for the garage sale. Just have to move all of the tables out into the driveway in the morning. And we have to post some signs around the neighborhood. And I have to dig up some change. So tired, and my feet hurt from running around all day. At least we have a good weather forecast- last time we had a yard sale it poured down rain!

My younger son got home from his backpacking trip! It sounds like he had a great time. They also went rafting yesterday on a river that has a dam. A few days a week they release water from the dam, so the rafting guides schedule raft groups on those days. So they rode the wave down the river! I made him unpack last night and we already got the laundry washed. Older son was up later than I wanted- I got up at 3:30 and told him to get to bed. It just seems like he has no brakes or judgement right now. So frustrating that I have to monitor - and I pray that he will be fine when he goes to college in a month. Maybe his roommate will be a good influence. Much to do today to get ready for the garage sale- more pricing, signs, organizing, etc.

Hi Silver I am equally clueless, but natural daylight is the standard and this lamp supposedly shines a light that is very close to it. I think light does play a part in hormone production for your circadian (daily) rhythm. I am not sure if it is melatonin or serotonin or both, but I had heard that this would help him. Ideally I would get him outside first thing each day but that's not going to happen... So I snuck this one in, onto the breakfast table. He is probably being a typical teenager this summer by going to bed at 3 am and then gets up at noon or later, but when he was at his dads he was staying up all night and sleeping all day and I truly think that triggered the depression. So he has been going to bed a bit earlier each day and then I've been getting him up earlier each day. Saturday will be a rude awakening because he knows he has to be up to help with the garage sale. The light I got was not expensive at all - it was $30 from Costco, although it was more than ten years ago. I like the idea of one on a timer, like an alarm clock. But there is hopefully one that us adjustable because I think 5 am is way too early for me!!!

Lol- I REALLY need to clear stuff out! It is embarrassing how much stuff I have here. Little by little I am getting there. Today I went to the shed in my backyard and scrounged through all if the stuff my ex left (he took all of the good tools but left supplies). I found a kit with brackets to make a pair of saw horses. All I needed were some 2x4s and there were just enough left over from a shelving project and they were just the right size! So I constructed the saw horses and pulled an old closet door from the shed and put it on top for a large display table for the sale. Tomorrow I will be able to get it more organized and priced. I will have my son place a notice on Craigslist and I better make up some signs too. On a different note I got a text from my younger son's scout group. They have been backpacking all week and tomorrow they will be rafting. Then home late tomorrow night. I have kept him busy all summer but now he will have some free time before school starts. Except he will have to help with the yard sale. My older son seems to be perkier- I have been stressing healthy foods and good sleep habits with him and that seems to be helping. I also put a full spectrum light on the breakfast table to sneak a shot of light into him first thing in the morning.

Hi Silver I typed in a response here yesterday but somehow lost it all when trying to sign back in. But all is well - I have just been busy getting ready for a yard sale here. My old housemate had come to town to help me clear things out and that was a huge help! So I drove up to stay at her place to do the same. We took a few loads of things to donate at Goodwill, recycled a bunch of old papers, and she even loaded up some things for me to so at my garage sale. I am home now and I am going through boxes of stuff from my garage. Lots of memories from when my boys were little, but it is time to clear things out. Tomorrow I will park my car elsewhere and set up tables in the garage to get it organized. Then on the day of the sale I can get my sons to put the tables out, already loaded up. It's a lot if work but it feels good to move things out of a crowded home plus hopefully we will make a few bucks.

Well my friend left to go home but I am still working through getting ready for a garage sale. There will be a lot of kid toys there. I had already gotten rid of their outgrown clothes to various friends and relatives. And I will be donating books to my older son's old school's library, because it had burned down a few years ago. It feels so good to be working on getting organized! After my marital separation and then the cancer diagnosis and then the divorce, I became so overwhelmed with life that everything just sat on a shelf for five years. I am a bit shocked at the stuff we have hanging around- stuffed animals, Lego Duplos, Fisher Price Little people- toddler toys! Sheesh! My boys are teenagers... And one will be going to college in a month. So- I'm moving it all out so some little ones can enjoy and use these toys. And it feels great! We will have extra space to put and store our camping equipment, and I will set up a new study area for my younger son. The space is empty right now and it looks great! In a few days I will go to help my friend with her mess and clutter. It's always much more fun when it is someone else's house and mess! My older son seems to be more focused today - but I am still going to have him see the doctor. My younger son is home from camp and it is good to have them both here. My friend and I picked some blackberries in the back yard yesterday and then my boys and I made a delicious blackberry pie last night. The boys finished it off at dinner. It was really good! I am so sorry to say that my son did not get either job...We really really need him to make some money this summer but its not going to happen. We thought he was a shoe in for the computer job at the university. But apparently they had 70 people apply for it! He did get an interview- and I view that as a positive since they wouldn't possibly interview all 70 candidates. I told him to email them to thank them for considering him and that he hopes they will consider him for any upcoming positions. He will try for other campus positions...

A friend of mine is here from out of town to help me clear out a bunch of stuff from my house. We have cleared off the shelves of half a wall - mostly toys that my sons have outgrown. It's crazy how many toys there were. What were we thinking? Anyhow, I am going to have a big garage sale in a few weeks. Time to move things through to someone that will use them. Already the room looks way better! During the past few days I have become increasingly more concerned about my son. His depression seems to be really hitting him. I asked him to write some thank you notes and he just couldn't do it. His mind was paralyzed from writing. He literally has been forgetting to eat, has been sleeping a lot, and is so lethargic. And he goes to college in 6 weeks. I am going to call on Monday to see if I can get him in to the doctor. On the bright side he had two job interviews. I really want him go get a job, since it will provide structure in his life. Younger son is now home from camp. He had a great time but is glad to be home. I picked some blackberries from the yard yesterday and hAd my older son help me make a blackberry pie in honor of having both of them home. It was yummy. The cats here have been having territory wars. This morning I woke up at 5:30 and was astonished to find both cats asleep on my bed- at opposite ends. However once I woke up then they were each trying to claim the bed as their territory. I put the aggressor outside but he promptly came back in the cat door. He is sleeping in the hall by my door and the other is on my bed.

My cat's meds are finished and she is feeling so much better! My youngest son is at church camp this week and my oldest one is here with me for the week. I have had him extra because their dad went to Alaska in vacation. It is nice to be just with him so we can connect- today he told me that he thinks he has depression. I talked with him about it and he says he just feels lethargic and has no motivation to do anything. I have observed that in him since before he graduated from high school. He barely got through school that very last term- and it took a lot out of him. I started to see a spark when he went to orientation for university, but he says that the low grade depression is constant. I told him I have felt the same way for a few years, and that I was just about to make a doctor's appointment to discuss options for myself. My son wants to go on meds too. Time for us both to go to the doctor... On a bright note, the scholarship came through for my son after all!!! Someone in the financial aid office had given him incorrect information so we had lost all hope and i was so worried! He gets $5000, renewable each year! That will pay for half the year's housing, along with the student loans they are giving him. I am so relieved!!!!! I am working through the clutter in my house this week, and it is beginning to look so much better!