Hi, While I greatly appreciate the help I've gotten here before, after much questioning, I've just added more detail to my inquiry so I can stop refferring to horoscopes & Tarot card readings through google searches, to solve my emotional problems.
I hope you can all bear with
Hi, Im 17 years old, recovering from social anxiety, depression, with 4 years of highschool to catch up on.
I recently met this girl at a program I attended to help me get rid of the social anxiety I was dealing with. We hit it off, spent weekends together.
Then one afternoon, After we talked for a bit, I really started to cry when I knew I had to start heading for home. I felt like I couldnt leave her, that I'd miss her too much, and for like 3 minutes before all this, my mind was just racing between keeping this whole thing casual and bitter "no strings attached" just to save myself hurt feelings if she decided to do something, or giving in to temptation and totally fall for her.
I obviously chose the latter and just cried. Gave her a hug on the way out. Relationship kept going steadily for about a month until at least 2 weeks ago.
When I came over to her house and she just wasnt her spontaneous loving self. I asked if there was anything up and she said she was tired. So the afternoon kinda went on, all the while having this growing suspicion that something was up, and I was suddenly incredibly boring to her.
I left rather early that day too. She had me out the door at around 4:30 instead of 5:00, or 6:00 in suspicion that her parents would be home. I called her around 6:30, still no sign of parents. Her parents didnt come home until 8:30 that night. So that shook me up as well.
Then a day later I didnt hear from her all day until 8:30 when I finally got her on the phone. Wasnt really greeted with a pleasent "hey" like I usually was, but an annoyed "what" instead. I asked what was up and she said she had been getting in touch with friends that week, that she hadnt seen in a year, before they all headed to their cottages for the summer. She'd also be starting summer school next week
The next day I wrote this whole statement on how I felt, That I was really hurt, That I was sorry for overreacting and wanted an apology, almost saying like she was sorry that my feelings were hurt, but not promising that those circumstances would never happen again.
She didnt apologize, and said it herself, that she didnt really care that my feelings were hurt, and said possesiveness was a big killer in relationships. She also said that I didnt really need to apoligize for overreacting either. So we were on good terms then.
So for a few days, I felt pretty good, with my sights on fixing this "co-dependency". If I really had it, and how would I be able to treat it.
3 days later after no word from her, I end up trying my hardest to resist calling her, but end up doing it anyways and im in tears. I seriously thought something was up, that she was avoiding and eventually breaking up with me, but I brought that all up on myself. She calmed my worried questions and I thanked her. On good terms again
4 days later, Saturday afternoon I call her, and I get the machine. same with sunday as well. I dont really think she's avoiding me, and I dont really think she's angry with me or intending to break up. But like she said, she is, incredibly busy as of late, with summer school and such.
So now......I just dont know whats wrong. I have no reason to be worrying. I have no reason to be feeling down or depressed, or sad, or angry, all at the same time. I have no reason to be comtemplating suicide so often. I have no reason to be reconsidering this relationship altogether, aside from all the minor suspcions I still have, they shouldnt be affecting me this much
So why the hell am I so god damned depressed? Could this really be severe co-dependency? Am I a love addict?
1. Whats wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?
2. How do I Cure it? should I consider attending a mental health program or becoming an inpatient at my local hospital?
3. What should I do?