moongoddess

This is no doubt the hardest break up you will ever go through. Being 15, and this being your first love, I can imagine you are going through hell. The good news is that in time it will fade, until you find yourself barely thinking of him anymore and starting to notice new guys. All you can do in the meantime is to try to cry it out, listen to love songs, remember the good times while reminding yourself they are over, and when you are tired of crying, try to get out of the house and distract yourself. Find anything you enjoy doing that will distract you. Get absorbed in a good book, take up a hobby, start working out, etc. They say breaking up with someone you love is similar to drug withdrawal, so you just need to nurture yourself through the withdrawal period, and just give it some time. You will probably feel like dying for the first week, but after that, it will get considerably better, and you will feel a thousand times better in a few weeks I'm sure. Although it probably doesn't make it any easier, I tend to agree with your boyfriend that it is unreasonable to try to work things out. You are both young, and four years is a long time to wait. Extremely few teenage romances end up in marriage anyways. People change drastically between their teen years and the age they are ready to get married. So just keep in mind that you had a wonderful experience with this man, one you will always remember and cherish, and although there is no reason you can't stay friends, it just wasn't meant to be because of bad timing. There is some other man out there you are going to end up with who you will love just as much and be just as happy with as this one. Be patient.

Mermayd, your situation sounds exactly like mine, only reversed. I think I can give you some perspective from your boyfriend's point of view. You are acting just like my boyfriend in our situation. When my boyfriend and I first began dating, I was just getting out of a two year relationship. I was still talking to my ex a bit because he seemed very upset over the break up and I was trying to be compassionate because I felt guilty, although I was nuts about my new boyfriend and didn't care about my old boyfriend at all in that way. My new boyfriend didn't like me talking to my ex though so I put a stop to it. However, one day I was very mad at my new bf because he had gone to Disneyland with his kid and his kid's mom. I felt very threatened and jealous about it all day and it really bugged me. So I went over to my ex-bf's house, and as a rebound type thing I got very drunk and we came close to having sex. But before we did I took off really fast because I knew I wanted my new bf, not the old one. I was really scared though cause my new bf had told me he can never go back with a girl if she had had sex with another guy after him, so I was terrified of losing him. So I called him when I got home, and he asked if anything had happened between me and my ex, even kissing, and I was so scared of losing him that I lied and said no. I know this was wrong but I was drunk and not thinking clearly, and knew I couldn't handle it at that moment if he told me to fu*$ off. The next day though he found out from my ex all that had happened. Needless to say, since then he hasn't trusted me worth sh*%. He harasses me with questions about my past, wants every sexual detail, wants to know if I enjoyed the sex, why I had sex with these men, etc. It's been enough to drive anyone insane. But I love him, so I put up with it. It reminds me a lot of what goes on between you and your bf. My bf also tells me it will make things a lot easier if I just come clean instead of having him find out later, etc. But I get so scared of losing him, so scared of his reaction, or that he's going to misunderstand, that it almost paralyzes me. I feel its better to lie than to have him misunderstand, because I know that he is the one I love and the one I want. Even if other things sound bad, it is only an illusion. The only thing that matters is who I chose in the end. I think you are the one your boyfriend loves, or else he wouldn't be putting up with it. I'm sure it's hard being in your shoes, but it's very hard to be in your boyfriend's shoes too. I know because I'm there. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't stand for all this, and he'd run back to his ex. I'm sure whatever happened was in a moment of confusion, and didn't have anything to do with whatever feelings for his ex. If he loved her and not you, why isn't he with her now? He chose you for a reason. The main test is if he's willing to cut off contact with her. If you ask him nicely, he should respect your feelings and do it. I have cut off contact with all men from my past for my boyfriend. And once he has done this, in time you will come to forgive him and trust him again.

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost one year and we have so many problems in our relationship but at the same time we love each other so much. It's hard to know whether we should just break up or if its worth trying to deal with the problems. It all started because when I met him I was just getting out of a two year relationship and so there was a little bit of overlap between him and my ex-bf. During a fight with my bf (after we had been dating only 6 weeks) I had gone over to my exes and we almost slept together. My bf asked me if anything happened and I lied to him that it didn't, but he asked my ex-bf directly and he told him everything. My bf is jealous by nature so this was a huge deal to him and he still hasn't gotten over it and he doesn't trust me. So this has led to him harassing me with questions about my past. He wants to know every detail of everything sexual I have ever done with another man in my whole life. I have withheld a lot from him because there is a lot I have done that I am ashamed of and would rather just forget, but through all his questions and prying it all has leaked out little by little and he thinks I am a lying deceitful slut. But besides all this, we get along so well when we are not fighting. We laugh for hours, we have the most interesting conversations, we enjoy doing things together, our chemistry is electric, etc. In so many ways he is just what I want in a man. He is the most handsome man I've ever seen, he is smart, interesting, admirable, funny, etc. But just when things are going smoothly, he gets weird and starts asking me about my past again, or accusing me of looking at some guy, and messes everything up. On top of it all, he has an ex and a kid he sees all the time. I am jealous by nature too, so this has been hard to deal with. What has made it even harder is that when he is jealous he uses his ex to make me jealous. Like he tells me how she is so much better than me and how they had a great relationship and things like that, and while we have been together he has gone places with her and their kid together, for the kid's sake he claims. When we're not fighting anymore he tells me it was all lies but I'm not so sure. I know he loved her for a long time after they broke up, and he has told me how happy he was while they were together and how he thought she was The One and all that. And of course she is the mother of his son so naturally I feel very threatened and lately it has been getting to me, especially when I am resentful of his jealousy over stuff I did years before I ever met him. I feel like they shared so much more together than we have. They spent almost three years together, had their first child together, etc. He claims he loves me more than he loved her, but it's hard for me believe considering the situation and how close they must have been. Our latest fight was yesterday and whenever we fight I always come back to stay with my dad. My dad hates him because he always sees me when we have been fighting and I am upset and I have told him a little too much bad stuff about my boyfriend. I know my boyfriend is loving and sweet underneath it all, I know he loves me to death, but we have so many problems all stemming from the beginning of our relationship when I was still a little involved with my ex-bf. I know these problems are superficial but still we can't seem to get past them. We love each other so much and now we have been apart for less than a day but I am already starting to feel like I can't bear being apart from him for any longer. Now I don't know if its worth trying to work out. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but we can't stop letting these problems get to us. And now my father hates him so its going to cause problems between me and my dad because he doesn't understand. I can't figure out what is causing all this jealousy. Can't we see we love each other? Why is my boyfriend so threatened by other men? Why is he so paranoid about me being a slut and lusting after other men? I'm not a slut and I don't care about other men! How can I get him to respect me? And how can I stop feeling threatened by his ex?