jeffatl76

Not enough info to give you any real advice... but if I had to guess, I would guess perhaps you aren't being patient enough? Friends take a long time to find.... I should know, I've had to move twice in the last year for work. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, bam, time to move again. How are you meeting thesepeople that you are attempting friendships with? Do you share common interests? I've found the quickest way to meet people is to focus on an activity you really enjoy and find other people to do it with. Out of all the people you meet through the activity, certainly there will be a few you really click with and can spend time with beyond the given activity.

To be perfectly honest, you may never have that kind of friend again... and that's both a good and a bad thing. Friendships like that are very rewarding yes, but they are like significant others and if you have that dynamic for a long time, you forget what its like to live without it. Guess what, there is life without it.... GOOD life. There will be a transition period, I won't lie... for someone like you, at your age, and with what you are describing... a transition period of a year or so is pretty realistic. I went through the same thing and that's how long it took me. Your mileage may vary. The first few months were the worst. The thing that kept me going was that I knew only time could heal me, and it did. I knew that with each day, I would feel better and better so I just moved on with my life and kept looking forward. It worked.

You have a point and I will ask him if he really meant that... and if so, why. Regarding trouble making male friends, I will assume it's partially the same reason I have trouble making female friends. I am interested in Motorcycles, politics, camping etc. He is interested in celebrities, shopping, partying etc. My interests are obviously shared more commonly with men, while his are shared more commonly with women. As for difficulty making friends in general, my best guess is the way in which he has to interact with his female friends in order to feel comfortable with them. I am trying to find a way of saying this without sounding insulting, but the interaction is a very manic and intense back and forth fast paced transfer of giddy energy.... like schoolgirls in a movie. Again, I'm not trying to be insulting, but can't think of any other way to describe it. He never forms close friendships with people who can't receive and reciprocate this level of excitement and emotion. Oddly enough, he doesn't require that of me.... just his best friends. Perhaps I provide the balance?!? I on the other hand, am on the opposite end of the spectrum. My friends tend to be older than me, and I admit to having a below average tolerance for immature behavior. I realize this is a problem of mine, make a conscious effort, and generally do fine, but this friend of his (and one other in the past) is way, WAY beyond my threshold. Honey Pumpkin hit the nail on the head with the "nails on the chalkboard" comment. And thank you all who have replied, I really appreciate the input and help.

His friends are not the kind of people I click with, but that said, there has only been one other friend of his that bothered me to the extent that this one does. But there is a definite difference between not clicking with someone and not being able to stand being around someone. Most of his friends I can hang out with... all three of us etc... I have them over for dinner, we go to the movies or whatever. They may not be people who have anything in common with me, or that I would hang out with by choice one-on-one, but I can enjoy their company with my partner and can hold an intelligent conversation with them. When my partner said that about my not liking any of his friends, he's just blowing things out of proportion out of frustration at the situation.

Depending on your level of closeness with him and if you both share any sort of smart-alec sense of humor, you could try to make your point subtly and humorously by starting to talk about something completely crazy and meaningless when he tunes you out and keep it up until he re-focuses. He will then probably look surprised and think that whatever the heck it is that you are talking about would have made sense if only he'd been listening the entire time. Then you can act surprised that he isn't following you and then hopefully you'll both be laughing, or at least you can have a good-natured laugh at his expense which will get him laughing Obviously you would only know if you both share an appreciation for this kind of humor.

Thanks for the quick reply Annie. You are right in that her showing up like that is easy to fix, but I want to stress that I really need help with the overall long-term situation of her loud, immature, and generally inconsiderate attitude. It isn't just coming over un-announced.. it's the way she screams at the top of her lungs when a bug lands on her, the way she dances around the house like a giddy schoolgirl, and the really immature things she says and the way she says them.... how when I answer her questions she says, "Yeeeeaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!???" and just stares at my with this psychotic looking smile and wide-open eyes. I can't deal with it and don't know if the problem is with her or me and in either case, what I can do about it. I have talked with my partner about it and he became very frustrated. I probably approached it in the wrong way initially... I was trying to justify how she irritates me and in doing so, I was sort of putting her down (she was not present for this). He blew it out of proportion and said, "You always hate my friends, that's fine, I just won't ever invite her over and whenever we hang out it will be somewhere else." A: That isn't the right way to handle it and B: I know she's still going to be coming over here at times... it's unavoidable. I guess my point with this is that my partner is very anti-confrontational and rather than tell her that she needs to just calm down, and act more maturely around me, he would prefer to say nothing and try to just keep her away from me while being upset with me for my having an issue with her.

Hello everyone, I really need some help dealing with this situation. A few months ago, my partner and I moved accross the country to a new city (me for work, and him to come with me). He found a job quickly, but has had a tough time making friends. He is the kind of person who is fairly dependant on one or two close female friends... without that he gets extremely lonely, depressed, and makes mountains out of mole hills. Fortunately for him, he found a friend at his work, however unfortunately for me, she is the absolute, hands down, most annoying person I have ever met in my life. Part of me is frustrated at my partner because he always chooses the same kind of immature girls to befriend. In my eyes, they don't help him mature and grow, but rather hold him back. My partner is 27 and I am 30. His new friend is 23 going on 14. At first, I was friendly with her, but after being around her a just a few short times, I'm to the point where I dislike her so much that I can't even LOOK at her. I am the kind of person where if someone really, really bothers me.... I can't pretend to be nice no matter how hard I try. I would also like to say that these kinds of people (that bother me to this level) are very few and far between, I'm not that hard to please... I don't ask for much. The two have become extremely close and I know their friendship is going to continue despite the fact that I can't deal with her. I am so happy for my partner that he has met someone he enjoys being friends with, so I don't know how to handle the situation. She really is a nice girl, just incredibly immature. I need help and advice in handling the situation I'm in, and also trying to deal with her in a positive way. For example, the other day I was in the kitchen cooking dinner. She showed up at the back door (without calling first) in her pajamas, let herself in and screamed, "HIIIIIiiiiiiIIIIIiiii!!!!" at the top of her lungs at me and started dancing around the house looking for my partner.... I don't know how to respond in a positive way to that kind of behavior. If I just look at her like, "what the hell are you doing and why are you acting like a 14 year old," I would feel rude, but that kind of behavior bothers me so much that I simply can't pretend it doesn't bother me. I would feel bad telling my partner that I'd rather her not come over... this is his house too and it doesn't seem fair. In that specific example, it really is unacceptable to come over and let yourself in without calling first or knocking etc, and I know I could explain THAT to her in a positive and polite manner without arousing resentment, but this incident is just one example of how she acts in general and I need help dealing with the overall situation. What do I do? Is there any positive way to get the message to her that she needs to act maturely when she is around me if I am going to be able to deal with her? Is that even appropriate? Is there something wrong with me for not being able to handle really immature people? If so, what can I do? HELP!