LONESOUL

Hi Bravegirl04, first let me say congrats on the "new life" happy marriage,

child..thats wonderful. It is a great example of what can happen once we finally let go of those that hurt us so badly!! Having said that, being nice isn't

working with your ex. I agree with Robowarrior if this contiunues it is time to

call the police. You are correct though, IMO that he will give up when he meets someone else~but you and your family should not have to live your

lives on his timeline for any reason. The man is menace, let him know once and for all it isn't happening between the two of you by calling the law. I think

he'll get the point. I understand that you are not a mean person but this

man respects you and your life ZERO.

Take good care,

Lone

Hey folks, update. I have made the decision to go back into NC. Yes, I have changed and I have come along way...but I have learned that I am not healed yet and that things she does and says still can hurt me. She is a game player~ and is dating someone at the beach now. At the same time, she is trying to start back up with me. I was right she has not changed but even in saying it, I am not sure I fully understood what exactly that meant. I guess I was thinking that since I was feeling stronger and she is not my probelm anymore would make all of those annoying and painful things that she did to hurt me (being inconsiderate of my feelings, blowing me off, being selfish blah blah) not bother me anymore. I was wrong, it brought up very painful feelings of resentment and anger. So after a few days of crying and a day or so of getting really ticked off about it again, I am dusting myself back offf and going back into NC. It is the best thing I can do for myself. I'm down though, just for now...send hugs okay?

Take good care~

Lone

lol...do you two need to get a cyber room? lol

Thanks for the laughs!

Lone

Jordan, I care allot about my ex as well, but she hurt me pretty bad and we should not be together. She's not doing to great either, she's drinking allot and she has let her home go to h*ll. We are not in NC anymore, but we were

for 40 days. I grew allot during that time, I could not have come this far without NC. The thing is, you can fix this~anymore then someone else can fix you. She has to fix herself. Keep working on you, I have read some of your posts, you are coming right along! Save the great guy for a great girl who will

be happy to have him.

Take good care~

Lone

I am very sorry for your loss. I am sure you are hurting so much right now. Please know that people do care. Please try to be very good to yourself as you begin to heal from this pain. It does get better~but I know right now it does not feel like it will. Post here often for support. It is wonderful place to find it, so many people hear care so much for their fellow man. Know that you are not alone.

Take good care,

Lone

Desert, whatz up??!! lol She she showed the ugly again huh??? I agree with

Raykay. Good that she supported you~but you owe her nothing at this point.

You assumed your share of the resposibilty when you became able, and are still paying as well now!! She is cold hearted and really does sound evil.

Nothing has changed, you are still so much better off!! Block her e-mails...

get rid of her once and for all!! Think I'll join you in having that beer a little later!

Take good care~

Lone

Good post Coolbambi, and very true. NC gave me the space I needed to see things more clearly and now I know I could never go back to that unhealthy relationship again. I would never be able to trust that she would not hurt me.

I know better now, she would, and has. I'm working on me now, and it feels pretty good.

Take good care,

Lone

This is making you feel young again, the attention. Young and desirable,

but Scout makes some very good points. Don't cheat guy, all these things

you think this other woman is making you feel...those things are fading even as we type, they are temporary and they will not last. You could loose it all with this one gamble, so could she, are those stakes not too high? I think you should take what you got out of your little ego boost, and go home to your wife, who most likely loves you very much. (and by the way I think a little HARMLESS flirting can make someone feel good about themselves, but

it's when people take it to the next level that they really get hurt)

Take good care,

Lone

Hi Disspointed, I am sorry you are having a hard time. It sounds to me like maybe both of you need this time apart to figure out, who you are and what you are comfortable with. I know it is painful right now to think about this in a positive light, but isn't it better to learn all of this now, rather than another 5 years into this relationship? I understand what you mean about sharing something very special, my ex and I did as well. But truthfully sometimes

love is just not enough. Maybe you could really begin to try to focus on yourself right now...be good to yourself and spend time taking care of you

and learning what it is you really want and need out of first yourself and

then from a partner. It gets better, I promise.

Take good Care

Lone

I am so sorry to hear all of this. It is good to know he will be home soon.

Prayers for Josh and to all of our troops.

Richard, I agree. I liked what you said about using NC to help you become the person you were before. NC gave me the distance~and distance is what I needed to see things more clearly. I feel pretty good. Yes I still have times

when I miss my ex, but they are becoming futher apart. I am spending allot

of time with my new friend, this friend is really good to me, I call her "myself."

Good for you!

Take good care,

Lone

TBD~ Hey good to hear from you! Riding that train huh? It's all part of it. I still go up, and then down...never really know which is around the next corner. A few weeks ago I hit a simular situation to what you have described I think. I guess I thought I was kind of "safe" I mean I wasn't

crying my eyes out, and I was actually focusing on other things...and then it just kind of "hit me" that my life was completely different. I started wondering if I would ever have "what we had" I had to follow that thought thru to remember "thats not a bad thing~she hurt me really bad" I think what happened was I just didn't think I was going to feel that dispair ever again, so

when I did~it hit me like a ton of brinks until I could work it through.

My ex and I are not in nc anymore~we don't talk often and it actaully helped me to come out of nc with her...but only because seeing her reminded me of what I don't want! If you wrote of list of the negiitive things about her or the relationship,re- read it. Maybe go over some of your earlier posts...it's just a bend in the road...a little hill, the

good is waiting for you again just around the corner.

Take good care

Lone

I'm not sure I would call it friends, but I do not keep in touch with my ex.

It's not a daily thing~and she gets on my nerves most of the time...

it actaully helps me to remember why I left. No contact, although needed

and helpful in the beginning, became painful after my healing began, so

now we speak from time to time.

Belladonna~ my condolences to you both. You will be in my thoughts and in my prayers. You have indeed been missed.

Take Good Care,

Lone

Majora~As one of the people who joined this forum when you were in a great deal of pain, I have to say that I am nervous for you. But, I also know that sometimes we must follow our own hearts desires, at the risk even of hurting ourselves even more. I'm cheering for you, and I'm not going to speculate on

how this will go either, I am going to be here for you, either way, and wish for you all the best.

Take Good Care

Lone

Be done with her~and know that you are doing the best thing for yourself.

She has already broken your trust and she will do it again.

I think it is normal and wonderful, I'm getting there...and I thought I didn't want to date, but you never know~I think RFS has the right idea. Enjoy!

Take good care

Lone

TBD~right with you on this...we are getting there! Good to hear from you

again!!

Lone

I understand where you are coming from. NC won't kill you, but it can be painful, as can be the whole process. If she calls again, don't answer.

Delete her number if you call her at all, remove her e-mail address, whatever

method of contact you think she may use, block it.

My ex likes to be controlling and play games as well. It's a very painful game

that is sometimes played. NC will give you space to take the time to really sort out everything you have felt and are feeling and it will provide the space needed for the healing to begin. Hang in there!

Brokenheart 32, I'm sorry to hear you are hurting and maybe a little confused. I was with my ex for 7 years. I can tell you this, without trust you have nothing. If you cannot trust her, regardless of anything else, eventually it will fall apart. I think you should consider going back to NC. I stayed in NC for 40 days (my ex and I broke up about 4 months ago) It helped me so much just focus on myself. I know it's a tough thing to do, but I think maybe you should try it again.

Take good Care,

Lone

Coolady1957~doing fine so far. Its actually been a good thing. We have talked a few times and I have been back to the house a few times. Talking to her again reminded me of everything I walked away from (thankfully and finally) It has been a positve move for me. I don't want to go back and now I do not have those illusions that right after I left she became everything she

wasn't before. (why do we think that??) She is still the same, but I, I have changed, and that is the magic. Here's to continuing the journey of healing~thanks for the help.

Take good care~

Lone

Hi Majora, it's a tough place to be. I am not in NC with my ex anymore either,

we talk from time to time now. But, unlike you and your ex, we no longer want to be together. I think you have been given allot of helpful advice here. Many questions to ask yourself. Just make sure you are taking care of you and don't want you feel is in your best interest regardless. Best wishes on whatever you deceide. Take good care,

Lone

Head Heart, maybe the folks here can give you some insight.

link removed

Take Good Care,

Lone

Crying Pony, I am sorry for your loss and sorry that you are in so much pain.

Whoops, you and Crying pony, you are both good examples of when NC can be useful. NC can help you to distance yourself (so ex cannot continue to

hurt you every day with the things they do or say or with rejection) so you

can begin to focus on yourself and heal. When used for this I think NC is a very good tool, I used it and it helped. But in my opinion that is all it is, a tool,

not a solution or a cure. Some doesn't use it at all, some use it and break it allot, some use it until they feel strong enough to do something else and some people cut contact and stay that way for years. Its all according to what YOU need to help yourself begin and stay on the path toward healing.

No one wants to hurt like this for a long time. Take good care.

Crying Pony, I am sorry for your loss and sorry that you are in so much pain.

Whoops, you and Crying pony, you are both good examples of when NC can be useful. NC can help you to distance yourself (so ex cannot continue to

hurt you every day with the things they do or say or with rejection) so you

can begin to focus on yourself and heal. When used for this I think NC is a very good tool, I used it and it helped. But in my opinion that is all it is, a tool,

not a solution or a cure. Some doesn't use it at all, some use it and break it allot, some use it until they feel strong enough to do something else and some people cut contact and stay that way for years. Its all according to what YOU need to help yourself begin and stay on the path toward healing.

No one wants to hurt like this for a long time.