LONESOUL

welcome. Of course your post merits a response! I am sorry to

hear you are having such a hard time.

My break up is new compared to yours, but we share the same pain. Has it helped you to be closer to your family? Do you spend time with them, or maybe with friends you grew up with? I think that it is agood idea not to date until you feel ready, but I also think it's a good idea to do things, with people if possible to get your mind moving in new directions. Take good care of yourself, post and read here often. There are allot of really great people here to turn to for support.

Well ya know I think he had the right idea! We just have to keep pushing

forward at this point. As for me I am taking one step at a time (and man does it hurt...Saturday I just curled up into a ball and cried, until that is, I came to my senses and got pissed again...lol..) Letting go and allowing yourself to move on and begin to heal doesn't mean you don't love them anymore, or that you loved them any less you know that right? I think it just means that you have to, for you , because you are a good person who deserves to be happy and you can be happy~with yourself first and then with someone else. But first you have to let go. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, remember?

It wouldn't have changed the outcome anyway, no one in the history of the world is perfect. Oh and maybe you should yank her butt down off that pedestal, if you have her on one. Thats what I had to do with mine. I have no clue how the heck I ever put her up there to begin with. If you must play the movie over, and over in your head try to think of the things

that made her all wrong for you, the times you were unahappy etc, pretty soon you'll find yourself going for popcorn more often and you will realise you have become bored with the show. Do something for you today, take a walk,

pump some iron, ride your bike, motorcycle, whatever it is you like to do...but

get her off your mind for as long as you can...and keep doing that.

Lone

lol...hey, the Duke is not a bad dude to hang with sometimes! Its such a battle isn't it? Winning our hearts back. SHE LOST, Desert. You can do this

and you will be so much better off and eventually with someone who would not ever hurt you in this way..keep your chin up~and fight.

Lone

Desert~you deserve better than then what she did to you.. This is what I will give you. The person or people who WE'RE most important to you in your life have chosen to leave your life at this time, for whatever reason AND it hurts really bad. Really really bad. But okay, take my ex for example. I have never loved anyone like that, ever..but I could not trust her. Now lets just say that your ex came back right now~could you trust her, or would you spend the rest of your days wondering when the ball was going to drop again, leaving you right back where you are right now? My suggestion? Cowboy up (I believe that is the term) Do this thing. get through it!! Get back on this train ( yes it is going uphill, chuggin painfully along and all you can see right now is the mountian to be climbed, but remember there is another side to that mountian, a down side, a good ride and just because you cannot see it now or the journey to it seems tiring and slow and painful~ doesn't mean it isn't there.) Do this for you. Do THIS,

the first thing in 4 years...FOR YOU. You will be a better man for having gone through it~and yep it's going to hurt like H*ll. Your pal.

Lone

Orlander~you help allot of people here with your kind words of wisdom. I am sorry to hear you had a rough time. You have the ability to see the place you are from a very different light and to share that perspective with others.

It gives me hope that, as I continue to grow and go through this that I can get to that place where the anger is subsiding and the thankfulness begins.

Take good care of yourself while you are down a bit, and yes, do indeed stay

away from those photo's..

Hang in there. I think it is pretty normal.

Although I know what you mean about it feeling like a relapse. Boy, do I!

This is a roller coaster, you

have to ride it out. Hopefully we all be better when it pulls back into the docking station.

Mike 39, my deepest condolences on the loss of your son.

Now to this woman, You will get through this. I think you should

stay away from that woman, she sounds like a really lost person who will

drag down every bumpy road in life you do NO deserve to go down.

She has no clue WHAT she wants, and it this point doesn't seem to care who

she uses to get the "need du jour" filled.

Take good care of you~come to post for support and read here often

until you begin to feel better again.

It's been some really serious ups and downs in the last 10-11 or so weeks since the break. (together 7 years) But, yes I think I am doing better. I think

I started doing better the day I left that emotionally abusive realtionship.

That was the day I said, "I love you with all my heart, but I won't let you do this any more." I want a good life~and I deserve it. I never thought I would have the courage to do it...but

I did and it gets better little by little....

TBD~ I would say just be honest. Tell her where you are coming from, without too much detail for now, and see what happens. Respect her decision at that point regardless of what it is. Hopefully the least you will end up with is a friend. For me one of the things I know I need to work on in

my next realtionship is setting healthy boundries. Actually, I think that may apply some to my friendships too, now that I think about it. Anyway, good for

you for enjoying anothers company and for honestly caring about

another persons feelings at this point as well, it so easy for us not too sometimes because we have been so hurt.

I ask myself that too, all the time. I go through the whole conversation with myself twenty times a day. How can twp people who go from being each others everything everyday (good or bad...) To nothing. NOTHING. But the thing is, it helps, it really does, because right now I am not strong enough to

be around my ex~it's too painful and our realtionship is over.

Being around, talking to, seeing photos of my ex really does nothing but

dredge up really painful stuff right now. Cannot do it to myself. I have been hurt enough. Someone HAS to protect me~hey I know, I WILL.

I don't know the answer as to how or why people act and do as they do,

I don't know if anyone does. But I know this much, I have been in nc for 20 days and it does help me. This is a heck of a thing, I know, we have to believe it gets better.

Go Red!!! anyone else climbing aboard the TBD time to move on train???

TBD~You are so right, I came to the same conclusion a few weeks ago,

feels pretty good actaully. ( I still need allot of reminding though. My journey

is just beginning. ) Good for you! Selfish here we come, and it's about time!

Missing~I understand heartbreak and how you feel. As does just about everyone else who posts here. I'm sorry for your pain. Are you still in contact

with your ex? Read the posts here often, there is allot of really good support.

Know that you are not alone, and that talking about it and reading about what others have gone through and are going through here really helps.

This is a really tough time ~I am coming out of 7 years with my ex, so believe me I know.

Take good care of YOU, and put yourself first right now.

Good for you Desert~and yes it will take time but

I think you are making great progress! Keep working your way through it, try not to "replay that old movie" too many times~ soon something new will be

playing in that theatre.

Hey Desert~ You most likely will never know. Accepting that is so HARD

but you need to do it. No matter why she did it, she did it. You

will get through this. I agree with Rose, she would have left no matter what your answer had been about the children. Take care of YOU right now.

Ice, I'm not who could have said all of that any better. Thank you very much

for that inspiring post to Alaska, and us all.

There is much pain, yes. But

hope is not dead. Not even close. There will be better days and there is much to learn along the way.

I think you did a great job taking care of you, Majora. Good for you!

I wish I did too, believe me.

lol..okay the smacking is a pretty bad idea. Grrrrrr.

Thanks for the congrat's and the well wishes. Yes, it really is something to look forward to. I am excited, and afraid..but ready to give it all a try.

Well, I'm off to buy some earplugs...(hey?? not a bad idea...lol)

10 years in Jan, yes. I have one week of vacation left this year,

which I will be using to move into my new apartment in October. (It won't

be vacant until then, but I am very much looking forward to that~staying with

wonderful "I'm sure very tired of hearing my whining" friends until then, the ex has the house) Geez~I'm tellin ya this one is really stumping me. I just want to go and smack her....and I never smack anyone! My boss is going to start wondering why in the world I am never at my desk anymore. As far as asking her not to call, I won't do that, we are in NC...and besides she never gave a crap if something hurt me in the past, she won't care now...in fact it will just

add to her ego, she needs no help there. This is a mini form of torture though~I have to figure out something until I get to the point where I don't care. Thanks for the replies folks~they mean allot!

We are all somewhat used to her loud voice, it just carries something

aweful. She been with the company 12 years, I have been here 10 years myself, so...we normally just tune her out. But right now, because of the

fact that she is the ONLY friend I have that remained close to my ex (very close they talk or see each other everyday, or did before the break up~I think

it still holds true.) I am hypersensitive, yes. Actually yes, it's very uncomfortable. Good way to phrase it. I'll just be working along, which is somewhat theraputic...and ring ring...and "oh hey!"...giggle giggle..and the stomach turns. I love the days she calls in!

hey everybody. I am feeling a little down at the moment. At first

I couldn't really figure out why, because all things considered I think

I am doing "okay" this week. But then it hit me. My ex and I have a mutual

friend who has chosen to maintain close contact with my ex. The thing is

the friend and I work together and she is so LOUD. I hear just about every phone conversation she has. The ones I can't hear, or the ones where

she only answers someone elses questions, make me think she talking to my ex, and then I get scared she will say something I don't want to hear. It

sucks. I have already told her this and she says she has told my ex not to call

hear for the reason BUT I don't believe her. (she's lied before, this friend,

and she likes to stir drama, she and my ex both) If she wasn't so darn LOUD it wouldn't be an issue because I wouldn't have a clue. I can't quit my job.

(and I don't want to because of my ex, or my ex friend or anyone else!)

and I can't move my location either. (I already sit as far on the other end of the room as I can, and we have cubies THATS how loud she is.)

I don't know what to do, it's upsetting me and I do not like it.

I am doing pretty good with this whole thing. I loved my ex like mad, stupid mad. I was her pawn for many years. I am better off without her, and I know it. But I don't want to hear all this crap while I am trying to heal...

I don't feel "safe" here at work when this friend is around. I only like to go

places I feel "safe" right now. Lord I guess I will just keeep having to get up and leave the room everytime

I get worried. Gosh I can't wait until I just don't give a crap.

I agree with NC. It helps. It really really helps.

I went through somewhat the samething as leftbehind did. I was pathetic.

But I have been in NC for a few weeks now (except for a quick call from her to me yesterday on my work phone, asking a dumb question..and I was very short) Now I am beginning to see things more clearly, when I think about them at all. I am starting to focus on me, not on my ex. I don't know if my ex will ever, whatever you want to call it, figure out what she lost, miss me, want me back...pick one,

pick any, maybe none the thing is, I am REALLY starting not to care~so, if it ever happens I hope won't give a crap. Care about how NC makes YOU feel, it does not matter how it makes them feel.

Whew, thanks folks. Wow that was almost a panic type feeling very strange.

I really got nervous that would set me back...but I did okay last night, thought about it a few times and got a little irritated, and then got really grateful I don't have to deal with that kind of bs anymore. Again, thanks allot

to all!

venting....

okay guys and gals after 15 days of NC she just called me here at work.

(she blocked her number so I thought it was an international call

which my company has no called ID and she knows that)

My ex is the the game player of the century...she wanted to know if I knew where her sons senior pictures were. (mind you he got those AFTER I left) I told her No, I did not. I reminded her that I had never seen them and that all I got was a picture or the picture sent to me on my cell phone shortly after we split. She said (real ugly) "well you don't have to be so ugly" and I said I don't have them. She said well they are gone. "BYE" and hung up in my ear.

(maybe you should check under the piles and plies of crap you have every where all over your sloppy a** house?)

I guess I should thank her for the reminder of why I left. Maybe I was ugly,

but I think I was just short. Hey, who cares? (enough even thinking about that!)

***sigh*** I hope this doesn't send me into a tailspin...I am going to try my best to blow it off. Any advice?

Nope, she wasn't your second chance, she must have been someone

who was placed in your way to learn something from. I have read that here and I think it is true. Your right person is still out there.

I didn't think I would be doing this in my late thirties either Desert, but I am.

(although in my case, I should have seen the big HUGE red flags she pretty much slapped me in the face with everyday) So...

Here we are, right where we left ourselves all those years ago, time to get

reaquainted with ourselves. You can do this. So can I. Remember to be good to yourself. Continue to post. There are allot of people that post here that

are obviously no longer going through these issues, but care enough about

other people to try there best to help them through.

(and thankfully so because I am most definatly going through some real

hard times, just like you and several others here)

Lean on them, read there posts and let them know when you need help the way you have been. That is what I intend to do. Know that you really are not alone...even in the

darkest hours, others are right with you and it is always darkest just before the dawn. Thanks right back at ya~we're all helping one another.