agent1607307371

To me this is another version of the waitress test. How a man treats you is one thing, it's how he treats others that is the real test of character.

Would you let your bf discipline your child? Then why let him touch your dog whom it's obviously having a bad effect on.

The best time to exercise... is when you have the time. Morning, night it doesn't matter as long as you do it. You'll have more energy from the exercise to exercise. It's something I've noticed since I've been going to the gym more. (20 mins in and out for a go on the cross-trainers beats saying "not tonight, I'll got for an hour on saturday...")

If your time with your friend is focussed on eating, try changing it up and doing other things. Also, if she won't make some concessions towards food to help you lose the weight, spend less time around her. The healthy side is a choice, your choice.

When eating with your bf, take smaller portions and go for healthier options.

Also, has she been tested for std's.

Tell him straight up that if he won't go down on you then he cannot demand bj's. That is your perogative, and if he doesn't like it, he knows what he can do.

Either that or if giving without recieving is not such a huge deal to you then maybe work something else out for him to do for you in return.

Do you like giving oral to him?

I think she means that he always expects her to have one.

First off, have you received any councelling for the abuse? Orgasms and having a great time sexually, I've always found, to be directly proportional to how relaxed I am in the situation, and if you can't relax you're not going to be having as much fun as you should.

Sit your bf down and tell him how you feel. If you don't feel you can, write him a letter.

Also, don't fake it. Make him do the work. If a position isn't doing it for you, don't let him keep on past your comfort point. Try a position that is better for you, or go to the ol' oral standby. Penetration sometimes just doesn't cut it no matter the position.

Block his address.

I don't know whether it was a set back or not, it will depend on whether you take the feeling of strength with you from this or the feeling of giving him the upper hand.

So i love her, and i'd die for her, is she right for me? My only other consideration is i'd love kids, and shes said she doesnt think she'd want any more, this makes me a little sad,

No. She's not. If you want kids and she doesn't (and she already has her family who are nearly grown) then she is not likely to change her mind.

If you really want them, it's better to look for someone who wants them and avoid the pain that this issue can bring.

Also, are you ready for all the drama this relationship is going to bring? A LOT of people are going to really be angry about it, and the fallout can be huge in a way I don't think people really think about.

IMO when we ask ex-partners to stay friends with us it's a fear of being totally without someone after so long. Deep down no one wants to because it will hurt, but the thought of it being completely over and gone is frightening.

It's possible that your ex was distant because you have agreed to go NC, she's distancing herself so that she can move on and get over the relationship. It's not a move designed to hurt you, but to protect her.

Try it yourself, protect your heart. There's no need to go digging at wounds. Keep with the NC and heal.

Don't mention it.

Honestly, you don't know why she does it, she obviously does not take pride in it and she does not advertise it around (ouside of work).

If you feel you can't respect her anymore extract yourself from the friendship, but taking it upon yourself to tell her about the dangers (of which I am sure she is more than aware) is quite patronising and if you make her angry then you might end up dealing with a whole load of drama you don't want.

Her reasons for doing this and keeping it quiet are her own. The choice to do this is her own.

Do her friends know you guys are going out?

Say "What exactly is happening between us?"

If you're in a relationship and don't know how it works (especially when other partners are involved) it can be a nightmare. It's much easier to suck it up and ask then to end up all stressed out about it. Trust me on that one.

Maybe you just don't feel in your gut that it would be a good thing for you at this time. Maybe it's concern about his apparent adulthood, maybe it's a concern about how peole would look at you, or that if you did get together that it might not work.

Don't stress it, you know what's right for you.

If you're getting into open relationships then maybe you need to sit down and discuss it so you know for sure.

It's possible.

Or it could just be that she has a lot of homework. From what I recall of college sometimes work falls in such a way that it can be a complete nightmare.

To me 7 years is really not that big of a gap. I personally tend to go (unconsciously) for men about 9-12 years older than me, so I can't say it's disgusting, but I can see that it's not completely the done thing socially...

If you can't be totally friends with him or date him, I'd recommend putting some distance between you. It's not fun but it does help to distance the feelings. No need to torture yourself with it.

Or wait it out. In another year and a half or so you'll be 20 and who knows how you'll feel about the situation and how to handle it.

only that she didn't want to leave because of what her family would think if she left.

Yeah, that's really not a very satisfying reason, and maybe she'll kick herself one day over it, but what's done is done. Focus on yourself and your future for a while and I'm sure there will be lots of women in NJ interested in you and in good situations of their own.

Honestly, from what you've posted I'd say that yes, you've made the best decision for you.

You're not happy with it right now, but it's a big thing and basically is taking you outside of the life you've had for 5 years but you want to do this and see it as a good move for you and will probably put you in the place you want to be.

She didn't think it was best for her and thats her decision.

Also, I can see how it would be a real kick to you to not have her want to go with you, I can see how that would really hurt.

Then it's better that you're broke up with her.

She obviously wasn't about to follow a man for his job. You weren't about to try other avenues... Basic incompatability and lack of desire to compromise.

Be happy that you're moving away with a completely fresh start available to you and try to stop thinking about her, it won't help you be happy.

Because it's an easy opener to conversation that's about things other than work.

Just say, not right now. And then ask them if they have one back. 50% chance they say no, 50% chance they say yes and then you can ask them if their girls know any cute single girls. You have to know people to meet people...

I wish I had a job with girls!

Who would probably ask you the same question. People are nosy!

Then maybe the job isn't about the money for her, maybe its about being in a place she likes where she is settled and has family and friends.. Maybe?

Too many marriages end in divorce for this very reason. I'm not going to get so caught up in love that I forget what I need to do to make sure we make it in the future. Again, I think the key word here is "future".

 

 

Given that this was my only option, and that she could relocate up here and get a better job, please explain how I was wrong in asking her to move up here so we could stay together?

Because when she didn't follow you, you broke up with her. Asking her to go and keep you or stay and lose you was a cruel ultimatum and one you shouldn't have made if you were not prepared to lose her.

Many marriages also end in divorce for the same reason your relationship here ended. Love being over looked for money. You are so set on your plan that it is unflexible and really didn't take your partners wishes into consideration.

I agree with Lost InMyThoughts. To be down (are you in debt over this?) £10,000 is massive at any age, but when you think that you and your husband could have gotten your own place to rent with it... It's definitely hurting you and you have to tell your grandma to leave it alone. She's not helping him, she's just reinforcing his behaviour and ruining your financial situation.

So what are her plans for the future?

I think that you have a different set of priorities, and that she doesn't seem to share them. Money is much higher on your list than on hers and not wanting to follow someone to where she may not have as good prospects or be happy is not selfish.

I'm not asking why he's jealous, I'm asking how I can help him trust me more.

You can stop socialising with men, stop working with men, don't talk to them on the phone or internet. Do not be in any place that a man is also at.

You can't pander to this type of insecurity, it never goes away no matter how much reassurance you give and often gets worse. Care for him, but don't bend over backwards trying to prove you're trustworthy.

You can't stop him being jealous. You can enable his behaviour or ask him to change it. Ultimately though, the choice belongs to him.

One suggestion I have is that if he is not recieving councelling to take some. He's been through some awfully traumatic times which I'd bet are partly responsible for his mindset. It would do him good to learn how to deal with it properly.

Its how the game is played. Don't ever get played by a girl. Ever

~rolls eyes~

Don't play girls either. You get back what you give out, and it just makes you look tacky.

Which can translate as "There's nobody you need to know about."

Seriously, since he has instigated the split, he should be the one to move out.

Unless you don't feel like you could face living there, but don't put yourself out over his decision.