Burning

This issue isn't about you or your relationship. It is about her. She has issues she needs to deal with. If she is willing to do that, your relationship will survive. If she isn't, it won't. Plain as that. Trust me on this one...I didn't get to be this age without accumulating any wisdom. B

As a male, how would you feel if an old girlfriend approached you with the news that you have a 21 year old daughter that you didn't know existed? What about your wife of 22 years dumping the news on you that the daughter you thought was yours actually isn't? How the heck do I speak about this after all these years? How would you want it presented to you? I have an idea how to talk to my daughter as my own childhood was pretty screwy but I don't know how to tell my husband or my old flame. Tell me honestly....would you want to establish a relationship with your daughter or would you rather not know. If you did know, would you depise the mother? These are all questions that have been weighing on my mind quite heavily. Thanks B

Thanks for your responses and advice. I appreciate it. I do plan on seeking some therapy and really need to think long and hard about the best way to break this news in the gentlest way possible. Oh, young, stupid love. Thanks again. Burning

This is a bit of a long story so please bear with me. I know this is gonna sound messed - maybe that is why I need help. 25 years ago I met a man (well, we were kids then, so I suppose that even though he was 18 - a "man", he was really just a boy who I will call Cory (not his real name)). Anyways....I fell hard for him and we had a non-committed relationship for about 2 years. The whole time we saw each other, we continued to date other people. The sex was fabulous but he didn't seem to be putting to much of an effort into our relationship and I was ready for a committment and he wasn't.In November of 1983 I met another man and started having a relationship with him. He gave me what I needed and wanted. We were married within 6 months. I am going to backtrack for just a moment here because there is one detail that is central to this story...When I met my current husband (I will call him Jeff - not his real name), I was pregnant with Cory's child and I did not know it at the time. When the pregnancy was finally confirmed, Jeff thought it was his child but I knew from the dates that the date of conception was actually 2 weeks prior to the date I met him. I have never told Cory and I have never told Jeff. Jeff raised the child like his own and Cory doesn't know she exists. Please understand that I have never, until 2 weeks ago, told anyone about this. I have lived with this for the past 21 1/2 years and have never told anyone. During a heart to heart with a girlfriend of mine a couple of weeks ago, it came pouring out and I haven't been able to stop thinking about Cory since. I haven't seen him in over 16 years and all of a sudden the old flame is a raging inferno! I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. My marriage is not a bad one. The flame is pretty much burnt out though. I know that Cory was married in the late 80's and has a couple of daughters. I don't know if his marriage is good or not. I am a grandma. I have a good job and own a business. I am involved in volunteer work. I attend church. I have a solid, if not dull, marriage. What I lack in my life is passion. I am dazed and confused! This little development has really thrown me for a loop. Any feedback on what I should do? Burning