mattyj

i laid my card out on the table... he said he wasnt ready to try again right now. He said he still feels hurt over what happened in the past... and needs more time. Doesnt want to move away from us or doesnt want to commit into something and then because hes still angry at me stuff it up... we also talked about our friendship, and that we are in a grey area. I also said its been difficult as we both have feelings for each other and i cant touch him. So i said take your time. He felt really sick when i told him i dated 8 people in 48 hours. Well i did, it was a friends idea, on match . com - i met 4 people in one night and 4 people the night after. well he hated it, but thats life... i had some funny stories. Well he asked if i had dated anyone and so i had to tell him. He claims he has dated no-one which i find very hard to believe. aghhh - we talked about no contact and that it would be easier if we both did that... but we both agreed we both didnt want to do that just in case we were making a big mistake. I think hes trying hard to get over me... i dunno if i should just do no contact or if i should just give him time and just try to move on with my life in the meantime,....... aghhhh - back to the drawing board again!!!!!!!!

why is 'making friends' NOT an option??? WHat are you afraid of?

Well the latest update is this: I have made no contact in the last 3 days. He emailed me yesterday but i ignored it. Then he texted me this morning and i was quite flat but thanked him for the tea bags. He text me again at 12 midnight. Asking me if i missed him. I said i missed his lips lol. Well to cut a long story short i asked him to have dinner with me, and he accepted and then told me he missed me so much and wished things were different. I said i did too and i wanted us both to be happy. Then he asked what would make me happy. Thats when i said dinner and a talk. The feeling im getting is that he is willing to give it another go. I have decided that when i meet with him, i will lay all my cards out on the table and tell him what i want out of the relationship and need to know what he wants. Also that issues from the past need to be addressed. Hope75, you are totally right!!!! If he doesnt want to try again, i have decided to tell him that we have to go our separate ways. It is way too painful to stay where i am. Its been a very painful and frustrating journey for me. I feel happy though, as either way i will know on sunday evening. I have learnt alot though. So much.... this has changed me, and forced me to change my perception on everything. I am a better person because of this.... im hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I am good at that... but how do you prepare for potentially having the love of your life or walking away from it???? Either way, this story will continue, and i will let you guys know what happens... Ps: yes i agree we have been rather immature... but i also have been immature and passive aggressive. I didnt have the best childhood, and know i have to continue working on myself irrelivant of the outcome. Thanks all for your advice... I had also been getting advice from a friend, but realised that if we search within ourselves, we do really know what we have to do. This is because we are actually in the situation... being in the situation gives you the advantage of knowing the full story thereforeeee knowing how the other party thinks and will react to things. Dont forget that people!

Well the latest update is this: I have made no contact in the last 3 days. He emailed me yesterday but i ignored it. Then he texted me this morning and i was quite flat but thanked him for the tea bags. He text me again at 12 midnight. Asking me if i missed him. I said i missed his lips lol. Well to cut a long story short i asked him to have dinner with me, and he accepted and then told me he missed me so much and wished things were different. I said i did too and i wanted us both to be happy. Then he asked what would make me happy. Thats when i said dinner and a talk. The feeling im getting is that he is willing to give it another go. I have decided that when i meet with him, i will lay all my cards out on the table and tell him what i want out of the relationship and need to know what he wants. Also that issues from the past need to be addressed. Hope75, you are totally right!!!! If he doesnt want to try again, i have decided to tell him that we have to go our separate ways. It is way too painful to stay where i am. Its been a very painful and frustrating journey for me. I feel happy though, as either way i will know on sunday evening. I have learnt alot though. So much.... this has changed me, and forced me to change my perception on everything. I am a better person because of this.... im hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I am good at that... but how do you prepare for potentially having the love of your life or walking away from it???? Either way, this story will continue, and i will let you guys know what happens... Ps: yes i agree we have been rather immature... but i also have been immature and passive aggressive. I didnt have the best childhood, and know i have to continue working on myself irrelivant of the outcome. Thanks all for your advice... I had also been getting advice from a friend, but realised that if we search within ourselves, we do really know what we have to do. This is because we are actually in the situation... being in the situation gives you the advantage of knowing the full story thereforeeee knowing how the other party thinks and will react to things. Dont forget that people!

hmmm... as much a part of me wants to do NC, i really want to try being friends as well. i think im strong enough to do it if only he respects me, and doesnt go psycho and give me mixed signals. MAybe i should just ask him how he feels about me, or maybe i should just continue the way thing are but also be a bit distant to let him think ive moved on, so he finally does make a move on me from fear of loss. Ohh i dunno.. as you can see im still quite confused as to which road i should take.....

thanks for all your responses. Im still not sure what im going to do. I guess the best thing to do when you are in doubt is to do nothing, than do something stupid. I feel as though i will probabely next week at some stage ask him how he feels about us, as im doing the landmark forum this week,and hes away in washington to be with his best friend - unless of course hes actually going away with a new lover - who knows, im far beyond caring at this point) I expect that hes going to say hes not willing to try again. I feel hes moved on for the most part, but still has feelings for me but does not want to show them to me. I feel if he was interested he would have kissed me on the valentines day date. Iwould have kissed my friend, or an ex even if i took someone out on valentines day. Or maybe he didnt because i didnt ask him about where we were at. He perhaps wanted me to make a stronger move and maybe put my arm around him during the show. I dont know. Anyway, i;ll probabely get a 'no'. Then i will tell him that i need time apart to heal and move on. Maybe down the track someday we can be friends but dont think it will work right now. I will then tell him i have to be somewhere soon after, and leave. I dont want to be dramatic about it and not show him that im too upset. I need to be strong and let him know i dont want to try a friendship now. Or i could just initiate NC right now?, and try not to look back. After all, is it worth putting myself in a vulnerable place for the 10% sake of him saying yes? I know people tell me not to give up, and that love conquers all, but i dont believe in cliches, and believe that if he really wants me, he can come after me. I have done everything i can and more... the rest is in the hands of fate. ---- i received this email today from him: he responded 6 days after i sent it... That is a great story! They found a dog and took it home with them - very kind of them. I bet we can find J Lo and get a pix with her one of these days. When I met her here at work, she was beautiful and not as "thick" as everyone says. She is no Mary Kate Olsen, but no Kristy Alley. PS - I will totally go see that movie with you. I did see the first two and they were slightly scary and a little bit funny. (- errr its a bit late... he had the opportunity on the weekend, but chose not to.) I hope you had a good time on Tuesday night at the show. (- why bother asking?) I am going to DC tomorrow morning and returning on Monday. Give me a call. (- i hate when he says give me a call... he doesnt answer my calls so why call him? why cant he call me????) Rich

i dont know if hes seeing anyone else - perhaps dating... but he has a pretty busy job, so i dont think he has that much spare time. He was madly in love with me, but ended it as i pushed him away towards the end. So im not sure if i should do NC, or meet up and talk to him - tell him how i feel about him contacting me last minute, or just cut contact forever. I care about him alot, and feel maybe hes playing a game and being immature. Hes 28 im 29.

My bf decided to end it with me in October. We had been on and off for 1 year. I had previously ended it in may when i wanted to get to know him more rather than just continue. He pursued me for months, but i was scared, so i protected myself as i had been hurt in a previous relationship. I guess i brought some of that baggage with me. It was sad but we met up and i admitted alot of fault, and agreed i messed up, and apologised. I asked him twice if he'd get back with me but twice he thought about it and declined. I went and saw a therapist for a few weeks, to work out why i pushed him away for so many months even though i was in love with him. In the end we agreed to be friends at least. Contact was minimal for a few weeks, then we met once, and had the best night together, then i went to australia for 2 months. In December he contacted me via email after i did NC for two weeks. Then i stupidly responded thinking things would get better. Then whenever i tried calling he never answered my calls, then i received an email from him asking me for space as he said he had been really hurt by me and needed time. I received text messages for new years and xmas, which i responded to. After a few weeks i sent a text message telling him i was thinking about him. Then he sends me a thank you email and was very nice and told me what he was up to.. for the next few days we emailed everyday then he stopped emailing me for a week. He then askedme if i was ever coming back to NY. I replied in a few weeks. HE told me not to come back for him. I responded i am coming back for the city and everything in it and that NY was a city of possibilities. He would text me to ask where i was the day i was leaving australia. I emailed him to confirm i was arriving on the 27th of January. When i arrived into NY, i called but it went to VM, and i texted him. It was friday. I didnt hear from him until monday evening. He actually acted as if he never got a VM message from me or a text, or email. It was really strange. HE told me to give him a call. I called on tuesday, it went to VM. He called 7 hours later, and then he suggested we catch up later in the week - thursday, as he just got home and was watching tv, and was busy the night after. I guess i know im not a priority in his life anymore but that really hurt. I asked if i should make plans, and he said no, lets talk tomorrow. I didnt call the next day expecting him to call. No call. I called him on Thursday lunchtime, and it went to VM. I left a message. HE called me at 6pm, asking me if i still wanted to do dinner. I said yes, and told him i made a booking. We met 1.5 hours later, we had a great time together catching up. I walked him home. we kissed on the cheek, and that was it. He said 'call me tomorrow'. I called at 6pm and he didnt answer. I left a VM message thanking him for last night, and it was nice to see him again. He chose to send me an email minutes later, and asked me to call him on the weekend if i was around. I called on saturday 2pm and he didnt take the call. He texts me at 7pm and then i text him back, asking him if he wants to get a drink later as ill be out. He replies telling me hes tired and is going to stay in. The next day - sunday we text back and forth a few times. The following week, we email back and forth, and he offers me warm clothing if i need any and even help regarding my visa situation in the usa, and seems pretty genuine and caring. I send him an email saying i want to watch final destination 3. He again asks me what im doing on the weekend, and if im around to call. I call him on saturday lunchtime. No answer. It goes to VM. i then get a call from him at 6pm. He tells me he has a friend in from seattle so hes going to be hanging out with her. He also says if its not too snowy maybe we can watch final destination tomorrow. I was like, what do you mean snowy? He tells me if its a blizzard, he may not feel like leaving the house. Later that evening he texts me, and says: I miss you more than you know. He replies: Thats the best message ever. Dont forget about me, have fun tonight. The following day - the blizzard day sunday, i walk 15 blocks in the snow, with some hot food at 2pm, expecting him to be home. I call, and leave a message, i text him , and i buzz his door. no answer. Later that evening at 7pm, he texts me telling me that he was at his sisters and the gym, and didnt have his phone.That im the best person ever. He always has his phone with him, so i think he lied. I sent a text back saying: no problem. Matt. Monday evening, the night before valentines day, at 11pm, i get a text message saying, 'are you free tomorrow night? I am asking you aout on a date.' I respond, 'sure let me know where'. No response. The next day i expected an email or call, but nothing. I leave a vm message at his work at 1pm. I dont hear from him till 6pm. He asks me if im still up for going out. Then we meet on a street corner. I took him a box of toucher chocolates, and then we watch the show 'wicked' together. We had a great time together, and got a bite to eat afterwards. He tells me hes quit smoking, and now goes to the gym everyday, and his appetite is bigger. Then he wants to catch a cab, i lean over to kiss him on the lips and he moves away so i only get to kiss him on the cheek but he doesnt kiss me. I dont understand why he invited me out on for Valentines Day?????. Why did he even call it a date? I sent him a text message saying, thanks, i had a fun time, Matt x. He responds: Thanks, me too. glad u enjoyed the show - ps: no one mourns the wicked. oRich.IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE EVIL PERSON AND THAT HES OVER ME?? He was supposed to take me out to watch wicked when we were togther and it never happened, but i dont understand why on valentines day, and why he on both times i have seen him these past 3 weeks, only calls me and hour before we meet. Is he trying to tell me he doesnt want anything further ever? or is he just being a friend? Im really confused. I still care for him and am in love with him. Am i disrespecting myself by alloing him to treat me like this, or am i overeacting. I am lost. I would really love to try again, as i am working on myself and am doing the landmark forum this weekend. I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW TO TAKE THE DATE? apart from your opinion, please tell me what option you think i should take: 1 - initiate NO CONTACT immediately 2 - talk to him, and ask him how he feels about me, and ask if he would be open to continue dating and see where that goes 3 - ask him if he would like to get back together 4 - tell him how i feel about him not contacting me until last minute, and that i am making an effort to be his friend, and if thats what he wants? 5 - leave things as they are and assume hes moved on, and its completely over and every now and again hang out and slowly work on the friendship 6 - other even if we dont end up getting back together, i really want to remain friends, but i wonder if ill be jeopardising my chances of this if i start strict NC? As originally when we had problems in the past, it was because i was a bit more distant. By doing NC he might think im just playing a game.

thanks, but he is also so caring and brought me 2 teabags last night as i have a cold. yes hes mixed up, buti just dont understand why? In the past he wasnt like this at all...

My bf decided to end it with me in October. We had been on and off for 1 year. I had previously ended it in may when i wanted to get to know him more rather than just continue. He pursued me for months, but i was scared, so i protected myself as i had been hurt in a previous relationship. I guess i brought some of that baggage with me. It was sad but we met up and i admitted alot of fault, and agreed i messed up, and apologised. I asked him twice if he'd get back with me but twice he thought about it and declined. I went and saw a therapist for a few weeks, to work out why i pushed him away for so many months even though i was in love with him. In the end we agreed to be friends at least. Contact was minimal for a few weeks, then we met once, and had the best night together, then i went to australia for 2 months. In December he contacted me via email after i did NC for two weeks. Then i stupidly responded thinking things would get better. Then whenever i tried calling he never answered my calls, then i received an email from him asking me for space as he said he had been really hurt by me and needed time. I received text messages for new years and xmas, which i responded to. After a few weeks i sent a text message telling him i was thinking about him. Then he sends me a thank you email and was very nice and told me what he was up to.. for the next few days we emailed everyday then he stopped emailing me for a week. He then askedme if i was ever coming back to NY. I replied in a few weeks. HE told me not to come back for him. I responded i am coming back for the city and everything in it and that NY was a city of possibilities. He would text me to ask where i was the day i was leaving australia. I emailed him to confirm i was arriving on the 27th of January. When i arrived into NY, i called but it went to VM, and i texted him. It was friday. I didnt hear from him until monday evening. He actually acted as if he never got a VM message from me or a text, or email. It was really strange. HE told me to give him a call. I called on tuesday, it went to VM. He called 7 hours later, and then he suggested we catch up later in the week - thursday, as he just got home and was watching tv, and was busy the night after. I guess i know im not a priority in his life anymore but that really hurt. I asked if i should make plans, and he said no, lets talk tomorrow. I didnt call the next day expecting him to call. No call. I called him on Thursday lunchtime, and it went to VM. I left a message. HE called me at 6pm, asking me if i still wanted to do dinner. I said yes, and told him i made a booking. We met 1.5 hours later, we had a great time together catching up. I walked him home. we kissed on the cheek, and that was it. He said 'call me tomorrow'. I called at 6pm and he didnt answer. I left a VM message thanking him for last night, and it was nice to see him again. He chose to send me an email minutes later, and asked me to call him on the weekend if i was around. I called on saturday 2pm and he didnt take the call. He texts me at 7pm and then i text him back, asking him if he wants to get a drink later as ill be out. He replies telling me hes tired and is going to stay in. The next day - sunday we text back and forth a few times. The following week, we email back and forth, and he offers me warm clothing if i need any and even help regarding my visa situation in the usa, and seems pretty genuine and caring. I send him an email saying i want to watch final destination 3. He again asks me what im doing on the weekend, and if im around to call. I call him on saturday lunchtime. No answer. It goes to VM. i then get a call from him at 6pm. He tells me he has a friend in from seattle so hes going to be hanging out with her. He also says if its not too snowy maybe we can watch final destination tomorrow. I was like, what do you mean snowy? He tells me if its a blizzard, he may not feel like leaving the house. Later that evening he texts me, and says: I miss you more than you know. He replies: Thats the best message ever. Dont forget about me, have fun tonight. The following day - the blizzard day sunday, i walk 15 blocks in the snow, with some hot food at 2pm, expecting him to be home. I call, and leave a message, i text him , and i buzz his door. no answer. Later that evening at 7pm, he texts me telling me that he was at his sisters and the gym, and didnt have his phone.That im the best person ever. He always has his phone with him, so i think he lied. I sent a text back saying: no problem. Matt. Monday evening, the night before valentines day, at 11pm, i get a text message saying, 'are you free tomorrow night? I am asking you aout on a date.' I respond, 'sure let me know where'. No response. The next day i expected an email or call, but nothing. I leave a vm message at his work at 1pm. I dont hear from him till 6pm. He asks me if im still up for going out. Then we meet on a street corner. I took him a box of toucher chocolates, and then we watch the show 'wicked' together. We had a great time together, and got a bite to eat afterwards. He tells me hes quit smoking, and now goes to the gym everyday, and his appetite is bigger. Then he wants to catch a cab, i lean over to kiss him on the lips and he moves away so i only get to kiss him on the cheek but he doesnt kiss me. I dont understand why he invited me out on for Valentines Day?????. Why did he even call it a date? I sent him a text message saying, thanks, i had a fun time, Matt x. He responds: Thanks, me too. glad u enjoyed the show - ps: no one mourns the wicked. oRich.IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE EVIL PERSON AND THAT HES OVER ME?? He was supposed to take me out to watch wicked when we were togther and it never happened, but i dont understand why on valentines day, and why he on both times i have seen him these past 3 weeks, only calls me and hour before we meet. Is he trying to tell me he doesnt want anything further ever? or is he just being a friend? Im really confused. I still care for him and am in love with him. Am i disrespecting myself by alloing him to treat me like this, or am i overeacting. I am lost. I would really love to try again, as i am working on myself and am doing the landmark forum this weekend. I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW TO TAKE THE DATE? apart from your opinion, please tell me what option you think i should take: 1 - initiate NO CONTACT immediately 2 - talk to him, and ask him how he feels about me, and ask if he would be open to continue dating and see where that goes 3 - ask him if he would like to get back together 4 - tell him how i feel about him not contacting me until last minute, and that i am making an effort to be his friend, and if thats what he wants? 5 - leave things as they are and assume hes moved on, and its completely over and every now and again hang out and slowly work on the friendship 6 - other even if we dont end up getting back together, i really want to remain friends, but i wonder if ill be jeopardising my chances of this if i start strict NC? As originally when we had problems in the past, it was because i was a bit more distant. By doing NC he might think im just playing a game. I dont want him to think im a pushover, but at the same time, i still want him in my life, but feel like he is either going out of his way to prove to me that im no longer important to him, and intentionally hurting me, or is extremely confused. just got an email: thanks for all your responses. Im still not sure what im going to do. I guess the best thing to do when you are in doubt is to do nothing, than do something stupid. I feel as though i will probabely next week at some stage ask him how he feels about us, as im doing the landmark forum this week,and hes away in washington to be with his best friend - unless of course hes actually going away with a new lover - who knows, im far beyond caring at this point) I expect that hes going to say hes not willing to try again. I feel hes moved on for the most part, but still has feelings for me but does not want to show them to me. I feel if he was interested he would have kissed me on the valentines day date. Iwould have kissed my friend, or an ex even if i took someone out on valentines day. Or maybe he didnt because i didnt ask him about where we were at. He perhaps wanted me to make a stronger move and maybe put my arm around him during the show. I dont know. Anyway, i;ll probabely get a 'no'. Then i will tell him that i need time apart to heal and move on. Maybe down the track someday we can be friends but dont think it will work right now. I will then tell him i have to be somewhere soon after, and leave. I dont want to be dramatic about it and not show him that im too upset. I need to be strong and let him know i dont want to try a friendship now. Or i could just initiate NC right now?, and try not to look back. After all, is it worth putting myself in a vulnerable place for the 10% sake of him saying yes? I know people tell me not to give up, and that love conquers all, but i dont believe in cliches, and believe that if he really wants me, he can come after me. I have done everything i can and more... the rest is in the hands of fate. ---- i received this email today from him: he responded 6 days after i sent it... That is a great story! They found a dog and took it home with them - very kind of them. I bet we can find J Lo and get a pix with her one of these days. When I met her here at work, she was beautiful and not as "thick" as everyone says. She is no Mary Kate Olsen, but no Kristy Alley. PS - I will totally go see that movie with you. I did see the first two and they were slightly scary and a little bit funny. (- errr its a bit late... he had the opportunity on the weekend, but chose not to.) I hope you had a good time on Tuesday night at the show. (- why bother asking?) I am going to DC tomorrow morning and returning on Monday. Give me a call. (- i hate when he says give me a call... he doesnt answer my calls so why call him? why cant he call me????) Rich