MAMAPUTE

Thanks, this site seems to be filled with information. I will start looking thru it and hopefully using it and let you know how it goes.

I think jevonj77 might have the answer I was looking for. See he does have alot of physical traits that are attractive to me. I think the problem might be a multiple of reasons. He was overweight when I married him and it was not a problem, but there has been at least 60 pounds added to that. (Though, he has taken steps to try to loose weight recently.) He just will not exercise and I think this is a problem. I think exercising releases good feelings and will only help him. I think he has tried loosing weight to make himself more attractive and I have supported him 100%. I can't make him do it though. I mean we have a basketball court in our yard (he loves basketball), for heavens sake. How much more can I do? I had always been attracted to fit, but not muscular bodies. The endowment is smaller than most, but not insufficient. I think the problem comes when his belly is so big that he can't reach or do things someone without it could. Plus, he seems to be very schoolboyish, in that he doesn't know what to do or how to do it. Which really turns me off, I want someone who is confident and knows what to do. I have given him a book on the subject - I don't think he either read it or if he did he doesn't use the information in it. I have tried leading him, but no good. Plus, I want a him to take charge, I am in charge most of my day (four children and a job) and when he is there I want him to be the one to take me. And the only time he touchs me or caresses me is when he wants sex and he expects it to lead to sex every time and when it doesn't he tells me I am leading him on, which makes me not even try to be close and snuggle for the fact that I worry he will want more and that closes me down. Now, this combined with the fact, that I excite him very much, means as I start to enjoy our lovemaking, it is over. In the beginning he did the same thing - sometimes, but now, it is supposedly my fault for not wanting to alot. How can I want to? Once I am ready, he is done and that leaves me unfulfilled and upset, so it becomes a visious circle. I have asked him to build up his endurance himself and even bought him a toy to do so, but he says he doesn't want to. Maybe this is the problem? Maybe I feel like I am not worth the effort? I have gained weight also and so I feel less attractive- maybe it is me, maybe I should seek counseling as suggested. But, frankly, I do not think that sex is everything. I think it is a nice way to achieve release, but other than that - I could do without. It is just his pressure to have sex and anger at me for not wanting to is my problem. i think anyone willing to end a marriage because of this does not take their vows as seriously as they should. I do absolutely love him with all my heart. But, I would like to have sex and enjoy it sometimes. How do I help him to help us, without hurting his feelings? Yeah, after writing this and reading what I wrote, I really think counseling would do wonders for us both. Where would I get information on this type of problem. We are also very tight on a budget with our oldest getting ready to go to college. He works 70+ hours a week (mandatory) so time is an issue also. Maybe a self help book? Any suggestions???

I tried putting myself in her shoes. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but it might save her embarrassment and keep you from unintenionally hurting her. How about you approach this a different way. Try not making it about her. Let her keep her confidence. You can make it about you. Tell her it really bothers you that you have to share her with everyone else. Tell her it may be old-fashioned but you just want her for yourself. Tell her it bothers you that other men are looking at her. Then give her the sexy lingerie for your private bedroom moments.

I married my best friend, a wonderful man that makes me laugh and is almost everything one could ask in a mate. I love him with all of my heart. That said...I have never been sexually attracted to him. I had been in relationships with intense sexually attraction that were bad. So, I figured I would be smarter this time. I married a man that would be my best friend and a great person to grow old together with and I figured with the love growing deeper the sex would become better, but this is not the case. If anything it is the opposite. The more I love him the deeper in love with him I become, the worse the sex is. I still have an appetite for sex, but he just doesn't turn me on and sometimes the thought of having sex is just repelling. There are children involved and besides that I love him and divorce is just not an option. He is overly sensitive and has self esteem problems from a past cheating mate, so I would never think of telling him that he don't turn me on and nothing he could do would help this, so marriage counseling would not be an option. I just couldn't bear to insult or hurt him this way. I would rather he think I was a cold fish than hurt him. He is that great. So, I offer a very personal issue up for you all. Any advice would be most appreciated! What should I do???