I have recently learned that my exbf has reunited with his ex-wife. The whole time we were together I suspected that he still had feelings for her even though he constantly denied it. Since they had been broken up for ten years when we first started dating, I wanted to believe him, but my instincts repeatedly told me that he was still not over her. He always used to say to me, "I want nothing to do with that woman. Even if you and I break up I will never go back to her." So learning about their newfound relationship has made me feel very betrayed, like he was lying all along.
During our relationship, he made it clear to me that he wanted to have a civil relationship with his ex-wife and treat her with respect. In some ways he seemed to honor her more than he did me, which really hurt. Also, since she cheated on him and then got pregnant by the guy she cheated with, stole money from him, humiliated him in front of his friends and family, used him, etc., I often had trouble understanding why he would want to respect and be civil with someone who treated him that way. His only explanation was, "Well, I don't hate her and I wasn't a good husband to her." Yet he would call her shallow, superficial, a piece of [censored] for a human being, a manipulator, crazy, etc.
He wasn't very nice to me during our two-and-a-half year relationship. In fact, I felt like I was constantly paying for how much his ex-wife hurt him and for all the nasty things she did to him. I am the one who ended it because I felt so abused by him. Our breakup was a good thing, but somehow I feel very stuck and am in deep pain over learning that he is back with his ex-wife.
At present, the three of us work at the same place. After our break up, which was eight months ago, he would at least acknowledge me with a wave when we would cross paths, but now that he is back with her, he won't wave to me anymore. This has become a regular pattern. I feel like it is unimportant for him to be respectful to me and what we had, and that what he has with ex-wife now is more important.
I have not communicated with my exbf since we broke up other than a few waves to him in passing. In fact, I try to avoid seeing him at all costs. As far as I know he has no idea that I am still grieving our relationship, in spite of how awful it was. I have been unable to move on and have not been in a relationship with anyone since him. I just feel so twisted up and angry at myself for even caring that he is back with his ex-wife and for being impacted by it. My friends think I am needlessly tormenting myself. Having to see him at my work place continually makes it more difficult for me to move on. I think I would have been healed by now if I didn't have him and her thrown in my face on a consistent basis.
In any case, I have it on good authority that my exbf and his ex-wife are going to a concert that I will be attending. There is a huge chance we will see each other. This will be the first time I have actually seen the two of them together and I am dreading it. It will probably hurt pretty badly. I am looking for some advice on how to handle myself. I feel so confused. I want to be dignified and would rather not acknowledge them. Should I just pretend to be wildly happy and act like their togetherness means nothing to me? Kind of like living well is the best revenge?
How I can prepare myself for and have a way to cope with seeing them at the concert? My instincts, which are usually right, tell me I am definitely going to see them.
Thanks for bearing with me.
I'm really hurting right now...