Stephaniee

5 hours ago, Andrina said:

In your shoes, I'd consider moving to another town, county, or state where jobs in your field are more numerous. Sounds like your life can use an overhaul. Is there any other location that really appeals to you as a place to live? If so, start job hunting in that location.

When it comes to interviews, totally refrain from badmouthing the previous employer. You can reframe things with more positive wording, such as wanting to expand your knowledge and gain advanced expertise in XYZ.

Think of your job now as looking good on your resume, that you got your foot in the door, and that you have some job history in your field.

As far as romance goes, think of it as "not one size fits all." Some who marry too young, such as myself in the early twenties, wind up divorced because we chose a partner before our brains were fully mature. But you can begin by finding a partner in different ways than you've tried in the past. Volunteer work. Meetup.com groups for singles in your age group. Hobbies that men gravitate to and people meet up in groups to engage in the hobby, or a co-ed sports team.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I am trying to apply everywhere honestly 

Its just that  i am feeling sad and frustrated everyday I feel like I am losing patience.

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Think of this current job as a stepping stone to build your resume. Put in the time and be observant of others that seem to be climbing the ladder easily.  If you can make friends with a senior member of the team and ask for advice on expanding your career skills.  As you have probably witnessed just being smart or having a diploma does not translate into success.  Unfortunately working hard and being a great employee isn't enough like it used to be so you have to learn to play the game such as it is.

 I agree a change of locale may help and also a change in your views on how you want to use the degree you worked so hard for.  Many people I know do not even work in the field their degree covers and are doing very well. 

How long have you worked at your current job?

 Lost

Almost 2 years

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Think of this current job as a stepping stone to build your resume. Put in the time and be observant of others that seem to be climbing the ladder easily.  If you can make friends with a senior member of the team and ask for advice on expanding your career skills.  As you have probably witnessed just being smart or having a diploma does not translate into success.  Unfortunately working hard and being a great employee isn't enough like it used to be so you have to learn to play the game such as it is.

 I agree a change of locale may help and also a change in your views on how you want to use the degree you worked so hard for.  Many people I know do not even work in the field their degree covers and are doing very well. 

How long have you worked at your current job?

 Lost

2 years now I tried to quit and switch jobs but it didn't work out.

What i realised that for women our boss likes women who speaks softly and in a spoiled way,putting makeup is also appreciated 

For the way of speaking its a bit difficult to copy them, I still don't know how to do it but for makeup I started putting but my boss didn't like it. He thought that my eye makeup was smudged. I started changing my clothing style as well 

I do try to finish my tasks, smile and act happy but I still don't know how to be like  other women who get so much benefits from our boss 

Hello,

I would like to seek your advice on my current situation. I feel like a failure in life. Most of my friends got engaged, married or promoted and I couldn't do any of these.
I feel like I missed something, I don't know what to do anymore or how to be happy. Ever since university, i tried to study hard to get a good job but i spend two years unemployed till i found one but my seniors don't want to teach me anything they just tell me to adjust ms- word documents or they explain something then i discover its wrong so they can act like heroes and intervene to save the day and put me aside.
I spent 4 years studying electrical engineering to fill out ms-word documents! 
I tried to find another job, but I couldn't get any. I reach the final stage then they refuse me. My colleagues keeps getting promoted and travel on the company expense and brag about getting extra money, all this leaves me bitter.
I get extremely jealous when I hear about my friends or work colleagues' accomplishments. At first, i used to be jealous then i was able to move forward but recently i can't, i cry everyday and i can't focus on anything anymore
I know that this is not productive but i can't help it. I feel very frustrated and sad 
I just don't know what to do!

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How is the relationship overall?

Is this a distance situation? Do you see each other twice a month because of time restraints or are there other reasons it's so seldom?

As far as splitting the bill, have you ever treated or reciprocated such as making dinner?  

Do you both work? Are you roughly similar in jobs/income? As far as hidden meanings or buttering up, it doesn't seem related to paying for dates. Why and how did he bring up marriage after only 8 dates? 

Well, I live far away and we work in different places so we don't meet as often. Recently I quit my job,but I did pay for other things like for cinema or when we had dessert.( like if we went to 2 places in one date)

For marriage, I did feel like it was out of nowhere! That's why I asked this question. I mean from our 3rd date I felt like he was intense with his emotions but I told him we should slow down.

Hello everyone 

I need your advice so I have been dating this guy for 4 month we went on 7 dates, he never let me pay but on the 8th date he was acting weird I asked him what's wrong he kept talking on wanting to be more serious *mariage*  but at the end of the date he asked to split the bill. So do you guys think he was just trying to butter me up to split the bill? Cuz previously when I use to ask him directly he would refuse 

(My girlfriends told me that when a guy likes you he will be direct about it*money matters* or he won't let you pay )

What do you guys think? 

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I heard all kinds of stories about their Europe facilities. People stuck in one room, people not being allowed to go to toilet etc. Thought maybe OP is in one of those facilities. But yes, its really peculiar that they could sleep at work. Only one of my work where I was "semi allowed" to sleep was nightshift at Hotel reception as we didnt get traffic almost at all at late night. So I finished dailies and could nap until 5am where I was suppose to "open new day" at computer and prepare for breakfast and such. Though I never could sleep there. That is why I am asking what kind of job is where you can sleep at floor. 😐

I work for an engineering office 

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

To what kind of a place you are working for? Amazon packing facility? 😕

Do you often have troubles socializing with people? I was never extrovert person. But I was generally loved by colleagues. Because I always made an effort to hang out. Even if they smoke on terrace, the rest of us were just drinking coffee(there is no separation here for non- smokers). And was generally accepted by people. Whereas you complained about lights, smoking, sleeping on floor etc. Even complained to The Boss. And you wonder why they dont like you? We dont choose our colleagues. Sometimes they would be most annoying people on the planet. But for our sake, we have to adapt as we spend several hours a day with them. I am not talking about this current job, sounds like you just hate it there overall and its maybe a time to change it. But for some future one. 

No I work in an engineering office.

Well at first I did try to talk to them ask them about their weekend, what they bought etc. I even once showed them what i got. All showed no reaction and one of them just nodded without a single word. The place was small and they sat on the floor and get annoyed when I wanted to get out. I mean after a year i felt pathetic for trying whilst they were just so unfriendly. 

Hello everyone, 

I want advice on how to deal with failure, I am 26 years old and I feel that I didn't accomplish anything.

My colleagues from university traveled so many times, got married, or got a high paying job. 

When I graduated, I applied to many companies but didn't get accepted although I have good grades, did internships and published research articles. At that time, I was confident and I always tried to be better. But afterwards, I couldn't get a job. Then there was COVID, when it was 2021 I discovered that my friends and colleagues were able to succeed and somehow I failed to do so.

When I got a job, I couldn't fit in. They treated me like an outsider. I tried many times to talk with them and make conversation, especially with the female coworkers but they ignored me. The place where i sit, they always close the lights and sleep on the floor or smoke. I told them that I needed the  lights  to work many times but they were like just open the window. After a year, I complained to my supervisor and told him what they were doing but he didn't believe me and told me to go sit somewhere else if I don't like it. When I sat somewhere far from them, the people around me stopped talking to me since I fought with her. I feel like I am in highschool again.  I didn't mean to fight with her but working without lights really annoyed me.

It frustrates me being paid the minimum wage and not having friends at work. My birthday is coming up and knowing that I would have no one to spend it with makes me even sadder. It's summer vacation and everyone is traveling.

Everytime i think about it, I get angry with myself for not being successful or cool enough to have friends. I hope that you guys won't make fun of me for complaining about my life, I just feel too ashamed to talk to someone in person about it.

Hello 

There is a guy I met at my language course. He is very kind and sweet, we got close and started talking alot. One day he told me that he had a crush on me and asked me out. I agreed and we had a good first date but he leaned for a kiss and I told him that it was too soon for me. I kinda ended the date after that. The next day I explained the situation to him and he seemed to understand. 

Now we are flirting and he is complimenting me alot  and I do the same. But he didn't ask me for a second date. After 2 weeks I gave him through text that I like a certain restaurant. He seemed to understand and the next day he said would you like to go with me, I said of course. but he didn't mention  it again.

Though I never said that I like him, but I showed him many signs that I do. He is not texting me as often as before.but when we see each other we talk alot (He tells me that he gets very tired when he returns home)

What do you advise me to do ?

(this is the first time that someone shows interest in me, so I don't know what to do.)

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Was his mother ill before her death?

Yes she had cancer 

Hello everyone,

so I had a crush on a guy at work a while back. But he was giving me mixed signals then said we are friends, he kept repeating it. So I stopped contact with him. Then he went on vacation, shortly after, his mom died. I sent him a condolences message then he asked to call me to talk about it. He explained to me what he was happening to him and his family. Then we stopped talking, at this moment I thought we could be friends since he wasn't interested. Then he came back from vacation, he was acting weird. He started talking to me more, and complimenting me, then after 2 weeks he said he that he had a crush on me since last year.  All this made me feel weird because he never showed me that he liked  me, he was hot and cold, I just feel confused.

Now he started texting me alot and I feel bombarded. I don't have experience in relationships. So could you guys advice me,  I don't know if he is honest or will become hot and cold again.

Hello everyone,

Is it normal that friends cancel 10 mins or when its time to meet up ?
This happened to me quite often, they always say that they are busy or something came up. Although we had agreed to this time and date from before.
They say let's hangout but dont make plans i am the one who has to suggest a place and time. But when we go out as a group and someone else suggest time and place they show up.
Sometimes one of my friends call me, when she finishes her story she'll say" i have to go" when its time for me to talk or tell her something that happened to me
Am i being too sensitive ?
are all friends like that?
(I am not saying they are bad people, I just get lonely and want them to be there for me)

6 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Is this the guy you're planning on asking out on a date?

Lol no🤣 

I stopped talking to him 

Well thanks everyone

I was just a bit apprehensive because they say when woman makes the first move, it doesn't last 

But anyways I will ask him, hope he'll say yes! 

Wish me luck ^_^

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

When I was dating - 1980-2005 I did ask men out. Probably half a dozen times including once asking him to be my boyfriend (answer was no -he pursued a woman who was also on our college weekend retreat who was much prettier and popular than me, oh well).

I don't think it's desperate at all -it's just most men I knew were flattered and complimentary "wow she's brave!" and were turned off -often with a sort of "I don't know -she's so cool, independent and cute but.... [just not that into her]"  Often of course it's because if you show interest -perhaps even flirt a little -are a good conversationalist and show genuine interest in what he's into - he'll ask you! If not it's because he is not interested in dating you although he might think you are attractive.

I wasn't scared. I was direct.  Back then it was not an effective way to find a long term relationship but it worked fine for casual dating and flings, with rare exception -meaning if the woman did most of the asking in the very beginning it usually was a turn off with rare exception. 

Exceptions were men who enjoyed having a woman in control (where the other way around since men traditionally did the asking the woman who said yes didn't necessarily want the man to be "in control").  And women who insisted and felt most comfortable being the leader/main decision maker. 

I knew of no long lasting happy relationships where the woman did most of the asking in the beginning -one time -sure maybe- and "first meets" which are not dates -they're meeting a stranger to see the potential for a future date- sure I guess but on the whole the men are often flattered- might say yes - enjoy maybe not having to plan, maybe enjoy being treated -but most often -with exceptions -will not choose that woman for the long term. 

I dated well over a hundred men, had many male friends, was in contact with hundreds of men and women and this is just my (long ago) humble opinion. 

I'll venturethat from what I hear second hand it hasn't changed much.  Of course the woman should be proactive in showing interest but all else equal if you want something long term I'd let the man do most of the asking in the beginning. And if he's that shy that he can't put in the effort to get over his fear and ask if you want to have coffee I'd wonder if he was available enough to date with serious potential.

If you do ask him out then be direct and simple and plan it -time and place -and offer to treat.  Good luck!

In your opinion, is it good to say 

" there is a good pizza place nearby, wanna go there this Friday? 

Should I specify the date or just keep it vague ?

Hello everyone!

Do men consider women who asks them out to watch a movie or for dinner in a restaurant desperate ?

Do they appreciate being direct or should i say indirectly that i wanna go see this film or i like this restaurant ? 

@iamwhatyoumademe1129

Well, he called  me and in the midlde of the conversation he was like "i consider you as a friend 😞 " so i think i got my answer.

Another friendzone 

I think people misunderstood me, usually in seminars there is no enough time to discuss topics like that it’s just an introduction or we talk about the presenters 

but at work when we are free, I tell them about my course and the topic we took, I ask for feedback or their opinion. It’s not that I walk up to men and tell them what do u think about « sensitive topic »? 

@Wiseman2

i think this is the part that confuses me 

because when I answer the question asked and then wait for others to talk they called me shy 

At that time  I asked my friends and they told me that I should be more engaging and positive. That’s what I tried to do

i took conversation classes in French because I am trying to learn new languages and from that I got to learn and discuss about various topics. Which I bring up in conversation from time to time. 

@Wiseman2

@Kwothe28

When we discuss the general topics like their likes and dislikes, aspiration in life, movies and music what else should I talk about ?

what do guys like to talk about ?

(i just try to keep the conversation going, for euthanasia I don’t talk about it on the first encounter )

@Coily

thanks for your tips I just have a question regarding the style. By feminine do you mean dresses and skirts ?

i usually wear something like this

https://images.app.goo.gl/yAKsZmwMTm4BKShH6

@Batya33

Well I am not that talkative but when someone  approach me I do talk and ask them questions 
Topics can be : hobbies, favorite place to go, workplace automation, transhumanism, euthanasia etc 
I go to technical seminars.

By positive I want to say optimist I try not to be opinionated but understand all the different sides to a topic. As I said I try but for topics that are controversial sometimes I do have an opinion on them 

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I would also ask for what kind of a men are you going for? Because sometimes what we are asking for and what we can get are two different things. And you are inexperienced to know such stuff so maybe there is a discrepancy there. It could be various stuff. You seem to have the right approach. But it doesnt yield you men. So it means that maybe you are doing something wrong.

Also, what is the frequency that you meet those men? On the other thread you said you met a guy through work. But that is just one guy that youve met by accident at work. What are you doing to actively meet guys? Do you go out with friends? Mix with the large crowds of people? You need to go out of the way to meet a lot of men. And that maybe from that crowd some would maybe want to date you. If you meet just one guy accidentally, chances are that he already has someone or just doesnt want to date you. That is why you need to meet a lot of them so some of them would stick around.

Honestly I look for calm and collected men. Who aren’t afraid to express their opinions.   I usually meet men at seminars, work or through friends, some act interested but after talking couple of times. They pull away  or say that they are busy!  Just like that guy at work who acted interested and asked me many questions and of course I reciprocated and asked him as well. But when I started to like him he stopped talking as much. 

@Batya33 i do stand up straight and smile when I enter the room. I am short (5 ^ 1 ) I also try to be positive when I talk to others