This is the first time I've ever posted to any online forum but my life is so out of control that I need to speak to others with a similar situation b/c its really hard to talk to family and friends.
I've been with my fiance for a year and a half. Things have always been a little crazy but I just assumed it was b/c we were crazy in love. I should have seen the warning signs at the beginning of our relationship, but i completely ignored them. Jealousy, insecurity, you name it, it was present. Things started to get really out of control around November/December. Our fights usually ended up with his hands wrapped around my throat trying to strangle me. Things got progressively worse and by March he had sent me to the hospital...on my birthday. I was covered in bruises and hand marks, cuts, i had a fat lip and my cheek hurt so bad I thought for sure it was broken. Luckily it wasn't. Everytime he does this to me he always apologizes, goes to couseling, and downplays all of the incidents. Sometimes he even has me believing that maybe things aren't as bad as they really are. The emotional abuse is even worse. I feel like i'm "walking on eggshells" all the time. I constantly have to think out each sentence carefully to avoid saying something that might make him mad. He's constantly berating me and making me feel stupid. Always yelling at me for eveyhting i do. I feel like i never do anything wrong in his eyes. And the name calling just tops it all off. I am called the "C" word on almost a daily basis. Je interrogates me when i don't feel like answering my cell phone. he assumes i must be cheating on him. and he is always on my case about what i wear to work every day. i dress very professionally. i run and office and would never dress inappropriately but he gets mad at everything i wear. The worst part about all of this is that he turns it around on me and tells me I'm to blame for his behavior. He tells me that I'm crazy and i need counseling. Its so frustrating. NOTHING IS EVER HIS FAULT.
I am 4 and a half months pregnant now and feel like my whole world is crashing down on me. We got into a huge fight the other day and we've now decided to live apart. We own two houses and he is living in one while I live in the other. We decided that we need to make this work or at least be civilized to one another for the baby but he is continuing to be rotten to me. He is blaming our last fight on me when i was just upset and needed to talk about it. i'm the kind of person that when something bothers me i need to get it off my chest and then i forget about it. he doesn't like to talk about anything. he likes to ignore me and give me the silent treatment for days until i just break down and apologize b/c i can't take the tension anymore. well he slammed me against the counter the other day and pushed me on the ground. i don't understand how he could do this to me when i am pregnant with his child. he still blames me for this. he claims it was self defense when all i tried to do was grab his arm so he wouldn't walk away from me. it was not aggressive but in a loving way b/c i just wanted to talk about it and resolve our issues. i hate fighting. i mean seriously, he is a tough guy, so he's using the self defense cop out on his 120 lb pregnant girlfriend....so pathetic. so now we're barely speaking and i am so upset about everything and i don't know where to turn or what to do. i know everyone will say to leave and get out of this but i love him and i don't want to raise the baby on my own. i want a family and i want him around i just wish he could act normal.
