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followup,: she returned though she is still really upset, it annoyed her that I was making so many plans and so quick, which is fair enough I kinda got into the mindset of keeping myself busy. She managed to convince me to hang around for a while, so I\ve been with her all day and she really seems quite happy just to pretend hat we are still going out, I even crumbled at one stage and kissed her, her complete lack of interest then threw me right back into reality. I think it wil be best if I leave ASAP, my only worry is that she still hasn't told anyone about the breakup and I think she just wants to deal with it on her own. Im afraid to leave her though Im equally afraid to stay

Hey guys, dunno if anyone will still be watching this but thought its best I reveal the outcome. Well I eventually managed to have that serious chat with my girlfriend, it was long and painful, I really didnt want to mention the words maybe this isn't working out, as I do still love her so much. We discussed whats happened with our sex life, she was still pretty adamant that she had no idea what was wrong. I outlined much of what I said in my first post here, how I felt that I was the only one in the relationship who seemed to want to recognize and solve our sex problem. I also told her how much it really hurt being told that she couldn't be bothered during sex and that she was just feeling selfish. She told me that she was very sorry that she didnt mean to hurt me but it was the truth. I suggested that maybe we should get some relationship counselling, she was not at all interested in that (ironically we met when we were both volunteers at a youth phone counseling service), she felt that talking with a counsellor was something you only did for really big problems. I told her that this was a real big problem. We talked some more and she revealled that maybe the problem was that she just doesn't really have much time in her life for sex at the moment. I told her that I think sex is a very important part of a relationship, and that maybe she really didnt have much time for me. We were both crying at this stage, both knowing where this was going. After she broke down some real honesty emerged, she told me that she felt that she was holding my life back, I want to travel do my OE etc but she wants to finish post0graduate work which will take afew more years. She also felt that she was feeling too grown up with us living together much like a married couple and at 22 she really thought it was too soon. This made me realise that I too felt that I was being held back. So anyway we both agreed it was for the best and who knows in afew years time we might be right for each other again. We think its just a case of the right person but the wrong time. Anyway the last 24 hours has been much talking about what we are going to miss, what we might do in the future in our new lives and a hell of a lot of crying and lots of hugs and loving touches. We really surprised ourselves at how maturely we were handling the break-up...unfortunately this may of led to a bit of a bit of a false sense of security. Today I started the process's which would allow me to move out, flat advertising, changing phone account name, sorting out who owed what in the flat account, trying to work out what we can do about our fixed term tenancy which runs until August. Basically I really just need to get out of this city and head back to my hometown with my good friends and then work on the rest of my life.. Unfortunately I think this may have been happening too quickly, either that or she might of realised just how much I do for her in the living arrangement..so she stoped talking to me and despite my plea's that we really need to have this serious discussion, she ran out.And I have no idea where she is. I really do still love her and I don't want to go down the legal road with our break-up, she can be a little nieve and may think she is in a stronger position than she actually is, I've basically been carrying her financially and i have kept all records. Ideally I want to have someone real nice move in and take my place on the tenancy and then moveout myself once thats settled. Though I will need her help for this to happen. Hopefully she just needs some time to cool off, I might just head off for a few days haven't decided yet. So anyway, I am really sad but also happy I've actually made a decision and faced what was really getting me down, its a real load of my back. Its never easy leaving someone, but I think sometimes you really just have to let go, and as cliched as it is if it was meant to work out then its best to let the one you love go and if she returns then it was meant to be. I'd like to thank everyone who replied to my initial post, I was until then not sure whether the problem just lay with me and that sex only really lasted for the first few months of a relationship. Your opinions really helped me feel normal again and respect myself enough to actually avoid the easy unhealthy option of hoping the problem will go away and instead take action. Thanks again sorry for the novel

my back! weird as it may be, one night my girlfriend lying behind me in bed, was rubbing my back as it was real sore form a hectic 10 hour data entry stint on very unsupportive computer chair, when she finished she gave me a series of soft kisses along my upper back through to the back of my neck, felt incredible

thanks guys, really empowering to actually have people give their opinions on my situation, gonna have that real serious talk tonight, will keep you posted. I think I'm gonna be okay whatever the outcome, as bad as it would be to end what was a really good relationship I think looking in the longterm I really have to put more effort into looking after myself

its true us guys do like to watch porn, but for most of us it isnt a threat to our relationships, as porn is more like a really shallow fantasy while a partner is more real and fulfilling. You'd be hard pressed to make a guy give up porn. Maybe you could take a bit of interest in the porn yourself, you might enjoy it and it will really excite your husband. I think its better that he be honest about his porn watching activity rather than feel he has to hide it which can lead to resentment with him feeling you're trying to control him and guilt that he is still watching porn even though he know's you don't want him to. I recomend he uses some sort of privacy program like hide folders XP, to hide the porn he has on the computer link removed and make sure internet temp files/cookies/history are frequently deleted as well as recently viewed documents reset, just to make sure the sons don't stumble accross it.

Hi, I'm having some real problems in my relationship and I really don't know what to do. I have been with my partner now for nearly a year and a half we've now been living together for three months. We used to have the most incredible sex life. I have a fairly high sex drive but for the first few months I could barely keep up with her. However things have slowly deteriorated. We went from sex 1 or more times a day, to once every two days, to every 4 days, to once a week, once a fortnight and now once a month. Initially we both pretended nothing was wrong and neither of us brought up the problem, I feared that by verbalising the problem that I was making it real. I've asked her what is wrong, whether there is anything I can do?, or should stop doing? She say's she doesnt know what the problem is but sex just isn't high on her list of priorities at the moment. She is studying full time as well as holding down a partime job, and tells me that she's just too tired for sex. Initially I believed this and accepted that while we're working we'll just be less intimate, and maybe pick it up a bit on weekends or holidays. This has never happened, again I ask and then she say's its because we don't seem to be dating or doing things out of the house enough. So we agreed to spend at least 3 nights a week after work doing something together like running or playing tennis or just going for a walk together. While having one night a fortnight doing something special like going out for dinner and a movie. Again things didn't improve, she just didn't really seem interested in spending the quality time together when it came down to it. There were always excuses like it was too cold, or she was too tired and for awhile she just wanted instead to spend time with her sister and neice every night after work. Initially she was happy enough to do the special times away, but only if I did all the organising. I eventually became sick of being the only one wanting to work on our relationship and I stopped planning these times out as more often than not she would come up with an excuse not to go. Or would make plans with her sister which always seemed to supercede our time together. I've done a lot of reading on the internet about this problem and have tried so many different things, non sexual touching, not even mentioning sex for weeks, surprise gifts, little love you notes...nothing seems to make a difference. In fact things seem to be getting worse, no sex has now turned into no hugs or kissing or loving touches. I try to be intimate by stroking her hair or body, but what used to make her relax now just makes her itchy or uncomfortable. I'm now completely at my wits end, I'm having trouble sleeping and am really depressed at the constant rejection I get. I still love her, and she says she loves me but she acts as though there is no problem and that I'm making a big deal about nothing. I trust her and don't believe that she is seeing someone else. We did have sex two weeks ago and after she had orgasmed she lost all interest and told me she was just feeling selfish (with a smile on her face not in a nasty way) and couldn't be bothered helping me orgasm...needless to say my erection disapeared pretty quickly. I don't want to leave her but I really think I don't have a choice, I feel like I am no longer her loving boyfriend, but just some stupid annoying guy who pays the bills and keeps her warm during the cold nights.