dldjtad

I know how you feel. My relationship ended 2 weeks after the abortion, which was in late November. We were separated by a 2 hour drive. I was finally able to move back to be near her again 3 months ago. Through a mutual friend, her and I have been working very hard to be friends. It hasn't been easy... it has been nearly crippeling. However, I have found that patience is truly my ally. The more patient I am, the more she seems to be warming up to me. I try to live my life as normal as possible, but it still hurts. I am going to her house tonight to do some computer work for her. We will probably drink a few beers and talk. Nothing serious... just keep it light and try to make her laugh. This is going to be a very difficult month for her, as it is the month that the baby is due. I am 38 with a 9 yo daughter. She is 42 with a 22 yo and a 14 yo. Don't rush the woman. She needs to heal in whatever way possible. If she comes back to you, she will be yours. If she doesn't, then she never was... David

I know it sucks. It hurts very deeply. You will need to be more patient than you ever have in your life. It is going to kill you. Remember, she is confused and in great pain. She is not herself anymore. Don't rush her... she needs to heal in her own way. Don't play games with her. If she calls you, be there for her although it feels as if she's not there for you. It will take a month or so before you start feeling better. The best way for you to handle it is to accept the fact that it's over. Try to move on. If she really cares for you, she will come back. But, it takes a long time. There has been a lot of damage done. David

Well, I think you're wrong. I don't believe that she was seeing this guy before it happened. You must remember that I am basing this on my experience. What she went through was so traumatic, that she couldn't even bare to see you anymore because it reminded her of the experience. Her first impulse after she left you, and rightly so, was to find another man, and as quickly as possible (for obvious reasons). Remember, the same thing happened to me. My fiancee found someone immediately. She though that he was the one. It didn't last long, because she did it out of desperation. She is single now. We have a mutual friend that we've been working with. I have been to her house several times, and even hung out with her a couple of times at a local bar. With the coaching of this mutual friend, her and I are becoming friends again. I do not call her or tell her how I feel. If I need to communicate with her, I do it through our mutual friend. We may never be lovers again, but I can accept the fact that we are close friends. You must be VERY patient. She is healing. Also, she is aware of the fact that I cannot see her with another man yet. Somtime in the future, I will be able to accept it though. The best of luck to you. Maybe you should find a mutual friend as well, so that you can work something out with her, or, at the very least, for yourself.

I've gone through something very similar recently. The only way I got closure was via a mutual friend. She had a very good friend who is a guy. He sat with us and FORCED her to say that it was over. I mean, he really had to force her! It wasn't easy for her to do... but she did it. I would also recommend dating if you already haven't. It is a good distraction, and will take your mind off of it. Just remember to be up front with the guys, you don't want to hurt anyone. Just tell them what's going on with you, and why you are motivated to date. David

Hey Mike, Getting any better yet? I took a day off work, just to heal, and it seems that it's working. I put on some sad music, and thought of all the things that we had done together. I let myself cry. Then, after I was done, anytime that I felt a longing for her, I repeatedly said "I don't care anymore" outloud. I finally got some sleep that night (no surprises woke me because I reflected on EVERYTHING throughout the day). So now, and it happens several times a day, when I feel like crying over her, I say those 4 valuable words, and it takes a little while sometimes, but the heartache goes away. David

I know what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing. I go to the same bars as she does. I haven't been back to them yet because I don't want to see her with another guy. I talked with her on the phone today, and it seems that communication is the key. Soon, I hope, I will be over it enough to meet him. Probably a pretty good guy too. I will be trying to move on soon; meet someone new. It will help take my mind off her. I agree, it does suck. David

Hi Mike, I understand your pain. I will tell you about my similar situation. After being laid off by a major corporation last year, I decided to relocate and start my own business. I stayed with family temporarily while getting the business together in a town approximately 2 hours away. It was while I was staying with my family that I met her. I didn't expect that within that 2 month period that I would meet the love of my life. In that 2 months, we enjoyed each other's company so much! It was like we were made for each other. At the end of September 2002, she even helped me move to that distant town! After I moved, we took turns on the weekends visiting each other; one weekend I would go to her place, the next she would come to mine. We also talked on the phone constantly. Then, one day the phone rang, and I got the news that she was pregnant. She had had one abortion before, many years ago, and informed me that she had already decided to abort this child. I agreed with her decision. 3 weeks later, I picked her up at her home, drove her to the clinic, paid for the procedure then drove her home (as she had asked me to do). I sat with her for a few minutes, then I had to get back to my house (2 hours away) to continue working on the business. I saw her 2 more times after that. After Thanksgiving, she suddenly broke it off with me. I was devistated, as I had planned to surprise her with an engagement ring on Christmas day! I suffered in agony in my home. I wanted desperatly to be with her; to comfort her. She would seldom return phonecalls, or answer my emails. My desperation was manifesting itslef to me; not sleeping or eating properly, constant worry and stress about her, and drinking too much. Well, I finially folded the business, and moved back in with my family. I was really looking forward to it, as I would now only be about 1 mile from her, and I could work on our relationship. I returned home March 1, seeking her out, but couldn't make contact with her. 1 week later, I disovered the awful truth... she has a boyfriend! All this time that I was away, she had been seeing someone else. It has now been 2 weeks since I learned this (she told me face-to-face; probably got tired of me bugging her). After much reflection, thought, research and speaking to others, I realize that for her and many other women as well that this can be a normal reaction. In some of the research that I have read, promescutiy is normal for some women, and some of them hate the person that got them pregnant! Now, I have a much better understanding why she ended the relationship; she couldn't bare to see me because I remind her of the abortion. I cannot and do not hold her responsible. I think that she is a great woman, and I can only hope that she finds happiness after this terrible event that she went through. It hurts me too, to loose her. I have accepted it, and try not to think about it anymore. Each day gets a little easier. David