TeeDee

You have a self esteem issue & a self confidence.  There is some pain in your life that drove you to self medicate.  You over came the addiction but didn't replace it with self love. 

You need to work on feeling that you are valuable.  It's not easy.  I struggle with that myself some times.   An exercise I read in a self help book says to wrote down all your good qualities:  big & small.  Free think.   Are you a good friend? Do you have a signature dish you prepare?  Do you let people merge into traffic ahead of you on the road?   

When you finish your list, as your nearest &  dearest what they think your best qualities are.  Add them to your list.  

Leave the list alone for a while.  Then in about a week, pare it down to the top 10 best things about you.  Re-write that short list & tape it to your bathroom mirror & save it on your phone.  Read it everyday 

Nobody takes a year to develop feelings.  

This guy is stringing you along IMO

To figure out whether to break up, make a pros & cons list.  When you see things on paper the situation should become clearer for you

Ask your GF if she loves you?  If she says yes, then tell her that she needs to support your mental health but pestering you, making demands & not giving you time / space to recharge has the opposite effect.  

Since you & your GF do not live together but you spend a lot of time there, from now on, after your therapy sessions go home.  

Perhaps a goal in your life could be to move to an independent living situation even if that is with roommates.  I think you would do well with a place of your own so you can retreat & self soothe.  

Do not let your GF bully you into further  damaging your mental health

What you need is improved self confidence & some self esteem.  Depression & anxiety can rob you of that.  With some help from a good therapist work on learning to love yourself.  

Take some time to improve your weight.   Being obese in bad for your overall health. I am not suggesting you turn into a fitness model just add some movement into your life.  Take a walk every day.  Being outside & getting some sun is an uplifting experience.   Exercise in general releases positive endorphins. 

While you may think I am not answering your Q, I am.  When you build yourself up a bit you will be able to find love & this experience will not have ruined you for all time.   

If you have a job where you are, can you search for a job in New Orleans before you move back?   Having some financial security might help

Finding a good therapist can take time. You have to find the one that works for you. 

Are there any career centers near you?  In my state the department of unemployment runs programs to help people find jobs & the local community college often offers free skills programs.   

Best wishes.  

If you really like the housemate, move out, then date her.  

If you don't want to move out or you can't, then do not date her, kiss her or have sex with her. 

On her end, the fact that you are only 1 month out of an abusive relationship is great reason to stay away from you.  You are rebounding.  You may think you are not but you haven't stood on your own two feet, sorted out the mess you just left or figured out who you are as a single adult.  Until you do that work on yourself you are not a good prospect for a partner.  

He targeted you because he senses how naive you are.  This man does not like you or respect you.  He's using you & you have to put a stop to it. 

Do not let your 1st time be with this guy.  You will regret it.  Imagine telling your own future daughter some day about how you lost your virginity . . . no love, creepy guy . . . just yuck.  

Stay away.  Make friends your own age.  Learn to recognize perverts when you encounter them.  

If the women have been introduced, then there is no reason to have another meeting & there was never a valid reason to subject the new FI to a one on one with the EX

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

In your shoes, I'd be asking a lawyer or legal aid, not us. 

Why?  All this EX wants to do is meet the person who will be a mother figure to her kid.  No lawyers required.  

Have you ever had the attraction, the zazazoo, that whole head over heels struck by lightening feeling about anyone?  

If not you may have to accept that you are not wired that way. 

If you have but you weren't feeling it with this person you were right to let her go.   People can be awesome but not the perfect fit for you.  

Allergic to cats is not an impediment to dating.  It's a medical thing.  If the allergy is mild maybe you can take an allergy pill.  If it's serious date dog lovers. 

You can learn to be more outgoing.  That is a skill that can be mastered.  Try joining something like ToastMasters.  That is about public speaking but it has a confidence boosting component.  If you have the money try something like a Dale Carnegie class.  At least do some free on line research about boosting confidence in social situations.  

The rural thing might be tougher but the answer will always be to enlarge your social circle.  Volunteer.  Get involved.  Attend group activities.  Perhaps check out the surrounding towns.  

Have you ever filed a complaint against her for stalking?   Has she ever been arrested for DUI or drugs?  If so those things will pop on a background check.  If not, you may be overreacting to some speculative job dream.  

Don't do anything at this point.  

40 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

  Why not keep your relationship private?

The OP & his FI are getting married.  That is a public announcement.  He also shares a 5 year old with his EX-W.  Can you really blame the EX for wanting to meet the woman who will be living in the house where her kid will be when dad has custody?  

37 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

 But she says she can see in my eyes when I want to have sex with her for some reason. It's like, I can not hide the fact that i find her attractive. And who knows. Maybe her seeing in my eyes that I want to have sex with her is pushing her away? So the only option would be to remove my sexual desire by medication

You are 22 year old guy.  Of course she can see that you want to have sex.  Generally speaking men in your age bracket always want to have sex, especially if they are attracted to  their GFs.  It's normal.  It's natural & it does not have to be controlled by meds. 

Your desire for her is NOT pushing her away. Her fear of being caught by her mother is the problem.  It has nothing to do with you. 

If you want to have sex with your GF, you need to find a safe, clean, secure, private place to be together.  Not your parents' house & not her parents' house.  

Medication is not required or advisable.  Rather you should spend some money on a hotel room.  Problem solved. 

I don't see why it has to be them alone but I can understand your EXs desire to size up the new woman who is becoming step mom to your 5 year old.  

It sounds like mom finding the condoms was like cold water being thrown on her libido.  

You can't really want to deal with what will happen if mom catches you in the act.  

Do not have anybody medically alter your testosterone levels.  You don't need that.  You simply need some patience, a little compassion & some self control.  

Any chance you can spring for a local motel this weekend? 

I really don't understand why you took up with somebody who still lived with his baby mamma.  That seems very odd to me.  However since he moved out shortly after you two started up, it's OK.  

I just said this to somebody else in a different thread.  As a life tip IMO you should never talk to your new SO's EX or worse the person the SO is allegedly leaving you for.  If such a person exists, that alone is enough for me to not get started.  It's all too much drama if you have to be involved with this person.  People (usually woman) who go seek out the 1st one are pot stirrers & trouble IMO 

This guy made some choices.  Maybe he monkey-branched to you but you are not a homewrecker.  Things between him & her were troubled long before you entered the picture.  Even if you represented a soft landing, you are not a home wrecker.  Cut yourself a break.  

Especially since this is over, just put him & the trainwreck that is his life in your rearview mirror & move on.  

I'm sorry the other girls on your trip are not embracing you.  Good for you for making other friends & acquaintances. 

Sometimes distance can kill fledgling relationships.  I think your STBxBF is correct:  he's too immature for you.  Let him go so then you can have some hot whirlwind fling while studying abroad.  

You absolutely do not deserve the hurt or the pain.  You are a good person, especially for taking care of your mom. 

Can you get any sort of respite care so you can get out of the house some?  You need things to distract you from him. 

21 hours ago, Louisee said:

Me and my partner have been together for 4 years now, live together and overall relationship is good. 

No it's not.  If that is your definition of good you have issues.  Get counseling.  Any aggressive or meanspirited unwelcome touching is abusive.  

You need to get out of this relationship.

Going forward if you are not open to sexual activity NEVER get in bed with somebody.  I am not victim shaming or blaming.  I am trying to infuse some prevention & common sense.   That will avoid things like this.  

2 hours ago, ghost72 said:

No one is dragging the office into it. You really think I’m going around work talking to people about this? News flash, I’m not. Like I stated 3 times in this thread already. 

I would hope not.  I am concerned about the other guy who seems to have a comment about everything concerning you & this woman.  

Stop talking to work colleagues about this.  There is no need to drag half the office into your interactions.  If you are going to date a colleague, discretion is required. 

Go on this outing with this woman you fancy & her friend.  See what happens.  That is the only way you will know for sure.  

You got your answer.  He wasn't as invested in you as you hoped.  Deep down you knew that was the case which is why you avoided speaking to him. 

"Testing" someone is usually a bad idea.  Your friend who suggested it is the blind leading the blind; she doesn't know much more about healthy mature relationships than you do.  Be wary of her advice in the future but also trust your instincts.  You knew something was off.  Have enough faith in yourself to address issues directly with words.