Bellagrace

So here's the short of it- I have known my current boyfriend for about 9 years and we have been dating exclusively for the past 4 months. He has a two year old from literally a one night stand. He is currently trying to get custody of her but the "baby mama" is crazy and keeps prolonging things, like firing her lawyer a couple days before the court date so we have to wait another month. So that is our back ground. So for the last 4 weeks him and I have been getting in to minor disagreements over things that in the grand sceme of things wasn't even worth fighting over. When this happens, he doesn't talk to me all day except for a couple of one word answers. This makes me clam up and then I don't even want to talk to him. Its a vicous circle. Then one of us starts to clear things up and the next day everything is fine. The problem is that it seems to happen almost every other day. I know that deep down the fact that he has a daughter that he is just now getting to see after two years is getting to me. I feel pushed aside when she's around, which is stupid b/c she's two, but I feel like the only reason he wants me around is to get stuff for him and change the diapers. Another problem I have is that the baby mama is in love with him and insists that he go to her house to see the kid for two weeks straight or he won't be able to see the child. I know that he has no feelings for her but it seems to keep getting in the way. SO with all that said, I love him and want this to work. I just need some advice on how to deal with a child that I kinda resent (which is selfish and I don't want to feel this way) and how to talk to him when he clams up. thanks for the input

I just read your posts and it is so similar to my situation. My boyfriend and I had been together for 8 years. We went to college together. I stayed to get my masters and he moved back home to get a job. Two months ago he broke up with me ( 2 days after valentines day) out of the blue. 4 days before we were talking about what we were going to name our children. I feel your pain. I am only at two weeks of n/c. Its not a long time but I am proud of how long I have lasted. I can't imagine life without him but I guess he can. It is a really hard thing to suck up. It really hit me hard when he told me that he never wanted children and can't see himself ever getting married (yeah I know, then why was he talking about names for his future kids???...........no idea). I think that your girlfriend is feeling similar feelings that my boyfriend is. They only know us. They want to experience something else for a change. Why it took them this long it beyond me. I would like to think that he will come back to me but should I ever take him back after what he has done to me....I think of him almost every minute that I am awake. I hear it gets easier but right now I m not so sure. I hope that you find comfort that others are in the same boat as you. It is bitter sweet but it also means that you are not alone, even though it feels like it. Keep your head up.

thank you all for all the great advice. I have being practicing the NC method and it has worked (although it sucks). I am anticipating the "date" with him and I think that I am just gonna let things fall as they may. I m going to approach the situation as a first date like a poster suggested and if he brings up our situation then I guess I will try to get some answers. If not, I'm just going to continue to give him his space and see where this goes. It could be good or I could hit a brick wall.......but I am prepared for that. SO..... thank you all again for your thoughts. Its really conforting to know that others whom I don't even know care and are in similar situations. It really is bitter sweet.

I am new to this so I will just tell my story. My boyfriend and I had been together for 8 years in march. we started dating in highschool and it continued on into our college years, we went to college together and live together there too. I am in my second year of my masters. This past summer he moved back to our home town to get a really good job. Ever since then we had been bickering at each other. I just thought that it was because we were frustrated at the fact that in 8 years we were apart. But I guess that was not the case. He called me on Valentine's day and pretty much said that he needs time to be himself. He is emotionally drained from the argueing( which it was never big fights, just stupid little things). He said that we can be friends.....but how do you go from being lovers to only friends. I don't think that will work. He didn't talk to me for two weeks, which was the worst pain that I have ever felt. He and I also have two dogs....one his and one mine. He also decided to "give" me his dog cause he doesn't have time to take care of her. Well its been 3 weeks and we casually talk on the internet and have spoken by phone a couple of times. I asked him out on a date and he said yes. I am really confused about what to think. He wanted space from me but he is willing to talk to me on the phone, internet etc. and go out on a date with me?? After 8 years and all that we have been through I did not expect this to happen. Does anyone have any advice about what I should do about him and does anyone think that it is worth going on a date with him?? Thank you to all who respone. P.s sorry this is so scatter brained, but thats how i have been operating these days!!!!