al7

You r right.. I dont see it helpfull in approaching girls. Girls wont bit me up But they can laugh at me.. grin at me.. make me blush and feel stupid. What sould I do... play a clown to get enough of blushing experience?

How n where can I learn approaching techniques? Any advice? 1. I obviously can say hello but it is so simple that it doesnt add up to my skills or experience anymore.. 2. I can talk with ppl no problem, my everyday folks r just so busy they dont care to socialize at all. I have no field of practice here. 3. Where would I find Mingling class? I'd definitely sign up for it.

I am pretty sure I am. I am thinking out loud here what I need to do to stop feeling like that. Oh, you r talking in terms of conscious commands "Get up! Run 3 miles. Go to work/school. Dont be lazy. Work Hard. Be Good." How many times we heard it? Thousands. Did it help? No. We were forced to get up... to run.. to work and not being lazy. It would be so easy just to told myself "Hey Joe, now everyday you run 3-5 miles at 6am. Just do it." It is not fun, I am lazy and see no stimulation in doing so. So I quit even before I start running... You see where is the key? We have to make ourselves to do something. Just words without any stimulation do not work. So looking for methods to make myself talk to girls...

Ha! You are... right. I am sure such classes are wonderful tools!!!... in overcoming some specific types of shyness as public speaking. I personally successfully overcame problems with public speaking by being forced to speak in public lots of times. Now I can talk.. thats kinda easy now. But, I absolutely cannot approch girls. I can talk with them once I somehow get to know them. But to just approach and say "Hi! Blah-Blah - Blah..." is beyond my ability. I can easily blah blah once I know her... So ..where Can I find a public approaching class? )

I agree and feel the same: the main idea is to make yourself try to approach girls. Though now comes a question how to make myself approach? I am f* scrared. And no amount of good words like "toughen up man" would not help here. The fear is not in the conscious brain... So, how to make myself approach girls? Interesting, may work if your frined would commit to such long training. Something tells me ppl are in general lazy and wont keep that for a long time. I suggest just ask your friend to force you to approach... Oh man, thats easy. Look, from my personal experience only 1 out of 10 people (girls) you meet would be really interesting for you and maybe you for her). How can you use thsi piece of info? Simple. Take a slip of paper and mark a fat square each time you approach a new girl. After you got ten squares you'll feel the difference since you'll definitely find somebody interesting.

Ok, it is clear what you r saying. So why dont you just go ahead and help him more in a teasing way? You said "I'm just not used to a guy not feeling secure enough to initiate anything". So if he cant handle your moves, he is not for you. Simple. Try your best, if he would be scared it is his problem, not yours.

Women claim what is acceptable to claim. It has almost nothing do to with what people really want. Woman want kids and want them to survive. So they want sombody who will provide material and other support for that. Now imagine a woman would say: I want a man who'll take care of my kids. How many men would respond? Right, something next to zero.

Thats what I'd like to figure out: I have low-self esteem, how can I change it _practicaly_?

I think you got it right: we have to overcome the fear. Though you say "Just do it". To me it sounds the same as when I was told "dont be scared" and still feel my knees shaking... Why? Cuz we appeal to our conscious mind: do this, dont do that..... but fear lies somewhere else...not in the conscious mind. So I think we have to be trained to overcome fear. Be trained. How? It must be cruel but it is a working method - if you dont know how to swim and want to learn how - ask somebody to throw you in the water... You'll instantly gain tons of skills of swimming.. The same here: ask a friend of yours to make you approach girls. Somebody should force you to go and talk to girls.

We all know that shyness is not something we can change _consciously_, it sits somewhere deep in teh brain where it is hard to get any direct access. So to say just "develop you self-esteem" is like to say "toughen up", "dont be scared" etc. I guess we need practical method of getting rid of shyness or develping self_esteem. Here is limited one: 1. Find and friend who is not very shy and ask him to show you how he approches girls (well work for guys as well for the opposite sex). 2. Ask this friend not only to show you the actuall approach, but to make you approach girls with him. He should "force" you to go and talk to girls. 3. Repeat #2 several times. For example I personally can do that easily.

There are two basic reasons behind shyness: 1. Insecurities which are connected with low-self-esteem 2. Fear of rejection. Although it is good to know our enemy, it is WAY better to know how to deal with it. Please post here your methods, experience etc that helps to overcome shyness.